To be worried about DDs weight?

[follyfoot]

She has been putting on weight for several years and I'd say is probably well over 13 stone, maybe 14 stone now (she is tall though). She eats rubbish most of the time and as she is almost 18, tends to cook for herself and spend a lot of time out with friends.

To give an example of what she's eating, she's just come in from town with a friend and has brought garlic bread, pizza, spring rolls and goujons to cook for lunch.....

I was overweight as a young teenager, but was lucky enough to lose the weight age 16 and managed to stay at what I suppose is a 'normal' weight ever since. She has said how it makes her miserable being overweight, but she doesnt seem minded (or perhaps able) to do something about it.

She'll be off to Uni soon, and I worry for her that her current eating habits will continue and the weight gain carry on

She did go to the GP who said to put food on smaller plates and find a form of exercise she enjoyed. Any advice anyone?

[worraliberty]

It's difficult when they're almost adults

What was her weight like growing up?

[TooImmature2BDumbledore]

Did she find a form of exercise? If not, what has she tried and disliked? Maybe you could suggest something different - maybe something structured, in a class format, so that she has someone else doing the pushing.

[TooImmature2BDumbledore]

That's not very clear - I mean that I find it much harder to push myself, whereas if someone else is telling what to do then I will usually manage to do it. Maybe the Couch 2 5k programme would be a good one for her.

[follyfoot]

She was kind of average until her mid-teens I'd say. The only thing I can think of is that when she was 7 or 8, she was put on medication for very difficult behaviour relating to her Tourette Syndrome. That was known to cause weight problems at the time. She wasnt on it for very long and the TS is pretty much in remission these days so I dont think its related to either of those things.

[TidyDancer]

I don't want to scare you further, but I was that weight at about the same age, and I reached a peek weight of about 19st before I did anything about it.

Then I found out an ex of mine denied we had ever been together, that I was too large and unattractive for him to want me, and that he'd have to be drunk out of his mind to sleep with me.

I'd have much preferred someone gently coaxing me and trying to help me than waiting for an asshole to make me feel like shit.

Is there anything she likes exercise-wise? Could you get a Wii and enjoy some active games together to kick start the exercise? Or would something more sporty like the gym be helpful?

[TooImmature2BDumbledore]

Have been thinking about this -what's her BMI, do you know? Is she just mildly overweight or is it edging towards the obese category? If she's only a little bit over than I would tell you not to worry or upset her about it. If it's more serious then I would try to think of some way to help her.

[FabbyChic]

She just sounds like she is eating more in calories than she is burning, however some are happy to be overweight and are not bothered about it.

If she isn't bothered about it you shouldn't be either.

[TidyDancer]

OMG. Please don't listen to Fabby. You have every right to be concerned. She's your DD.

[follyfoot]

Its alright Tidy, I dont take any notice of Fabby generally!

She is obese now, I'm estimating her BMI is over 30. I've helped towards the cost of some exercise equipment which should arrive soon. We dont have a gym nearby, she does swim occasionally but not enough to make much difference. Running out of the question as she has huge (and I do mean huge) boobs so GP said dont run. Classes would be good but with her going away to Uni I guess that isnt going to be an option for very long.

Am worried about her health - the weight is definitely going on, if it was stable I would be slightly less worried, but she is the biggest of her group of friends now by a long way. Her legs rub together and she wears baggy clothes all the time. Its so sad :(

[FabbyChic]

She needs to eat less and lose weight not just exercise.

The two combined will reduce her size.

She needs to cook for herself rather than buying takeaways and I doubt she could afford to eat out all the time at Uni. Cutting down her carbs would be good, in fact cutting them all together would be a start. If she is that big, she could easily lose a stone in a month.

It isn't hard.

But she has to want to lose it, if she doesn't then she won't.

[SpecialFriedRice]

How tall is your DD? What clothes size roughly?

I only ask as I am 5ft 8in and when I was 13 and a half stone I was a 16, maybe a big 14 in some stores. But I was reasonably fit as I was at the gym 3 times a week so had quite solid thighs. So I wouldn't have considered myself MASSIVE.

Guess I'm saying it's all relative.

YANBU to be concerned though.

[TidyDancer]

Oh the poor love. :( It's no fun being overweight, like I said, I've been there.

Does she have emotional issues that could be contributing to the problem? My first issue was a poor diet in childhood (chips from the fryer most nights and massive portions) but ongoing, it was emotional. I'd be bullied at school, and I'd come home and eat to make myself feel better. It's hard to break that cycle once you're in it.

[joric]

How is she in herself? Is she depressed? I had a v bad time in my early 20's and put on a lot of weight- my DM went the opposite way and lost a lot.
Some people like fabby will tell you that she's just pigging out - not always true of course.

[OrdinaryJo]

Can you say 'right DD, as you are off to Uni and cash will be tight you and me are going to cook together a couple of nights a week so you can learn a few easy recipies for when you go.' And then through that look at portion control, amount of carbs, etc? Because from your OP the things she bought to cook for lunch were all heat and eats, rather than cooking from scratch?

It might actually be a fun thing to do as well, some nice bonding before she goes?

[joric]

Fabby - I actually think you may be trying to be kind for once...... constructive advice ... The only bit I disagree with is 'it's easy'
No, it wasn't easy for me to get better when I was very depressed and what I put in my mouth was the last thing on my mind.

[follyfoot]

Pictures Fabby as that awful woman in Little Britain running the slimming club

I think all is well - she has loads of friends and does well at school. Not very energetic but I think that is common amongst teenagers. She has a job too, where she is well thought of and works hard. She can be very difficult, but again probably not outside the normal teenage range of behaviour.

She just seems lazy (sorry I know thats a very negative and emotive word but I cant think of a better way of putting it) and has an enormous appetite for high fat/high carb foods.

[joric]

Follyfoot - laughing at little Britain bit!
Just encourage her then, help her shop and cook - as for weight loss she will do it herself when she wants to. :)

[breatheslowly]

The first year at university is well known as a time when people gain weight, so it is very useful to think now about proper eating habits. I gained 2 stone in my first term at university and haven't really controlled my weight properly since. I am now doing weight watchers and I am finding it really easy to follow. You can do it online, but I needed the spur of having to get weighed every week. Good luck to both of you in tackling this issue.

[MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay]

I'd take issue with the GP saying she can't run because of her huge boobs... utter rubbish!

My DD2 who is 17 , is in an HH/J cup and is running approx 5 miles a day..in a decent supportive bra (bravissimo). She is actively trying to lose weight and get fit and has been running for about 6 weeks... and the difference in her in has been amazing.. she is also watching her food ..another carb addict... and the combo of exercise and simply eating more carefully has changed her shape quite a lot in a short space of time and has really boosted her self esteem.

We got a running machine mega cheap off gumtree... as DD didn't want to pound the streets, and actually we all enjoy it!!

I second breatheslowly who says that first years often gain weight. because there is a lot of freshers week boozing, junk food etc etc so getting some good habits started now will really really help.

But she has to want to do something about it..

[LaWeasel]

There will be loads of sports classes she can do at University (and probably a cheaper gym) If you can afford it would you cover the costs of this? If she becomes friends with the people she is exercising with (and there are normally loads of activity based social activities etc) she will be much more likely to keep going.

In the meantime is out of the question for you to take over the food preperation/make most meals together before she goes? She can obviously cook already, but if you are in control perhaps you can help her get used to appropriate portion sizes - the things she has bought for lunch in your OP is obviously too much.

Good luck.

[Sidge]

Do you think she'd be open to a heart to heart with you about her weight?

Tell her your concerns, especially as she's going to fly the nest soon and be responsible for her own cooking and shopping.

Would she go to a club like Slimming World or Weight Watchers with you?

[RoseC]

I'd second the call for a Bravissimo sports bra. When I wear mine, which was properly fitted by them, they don't even move no matter what I'm doing. It'll help whatever form of exercise she takes - I find actually putting on my sports clothes gets me in the mood to do something.

You could try (if you can afford it) to use a Sainsbury's student food card or similar, so you know she has a set amount every week to spend. You could also try 'practice runs' of being a student - sit down with some recipe books/online meal planner/online shopping basket and work out a meal plan. You could then go to the shop, get the food and cook it with her for the week. Some things like sweetcorn, kidney beans, basics frozen peas can be turned into a cheap and healthy salad.

I used to be like your DD and really craved high calorie food - my mouth would literally water until I ate something, even if I shouldn't have been hungry. The only thing that has helped somewhat is using myfitnesspal and recording everything and having to find low-calorie alternatives (e.g. sweet ryvitas instead of biscuits). Eating less of the high calorie stuff has helped me crave it less (and eating better food means I'm less hungry).

YANBU to worry about your DD - she's your child :) I know my Mum worried about me when I was much heavier (at 16 I was over 11 stone and I'm short). It took a nurse pointing out a few weeks ago that I was gaining weight again and was overweight - I had been in denial about it. As long as you do it gently and offer loads of support & help, you should get there.

[eurochick]

YANBU to reasonable.

Could you give her some cooking lessons for cheap healthy meals before she goes to yooni? She might also benefit from you not being overgenerous with any allowance you are planning to give her there. I was on a very tight budget and so had to mealplan and cook for myself and could only afford a meal out or takeaway v occasionally. Tough love might be the key here.

I still managed to put on weight though (although I needed to - I had been ill and lost quite a bit before I went to university). I blame the beer for that....