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To feel physically sick...

(27 Posts)
prudeinquestion Sun 17-Jul-11 13:17:48

Apologies in advance if this is TMI but my head is close to exploding and I have no idea where to take this in RL (change of name just in case)

Short version is my parents split up a few years ago...I live alone in a flat which is owned by my boss...and I've just found out that my mother has had a 3some with my boss and his wife...

I totally understand that this makes us sound like something off the Jeremy Kyle show but this is so out of character it's unreal...

She didn't tell me she drunkenly told my sister who thinks I should just leave them to it and detach personal from work but I feel like immediately resigning and moving out BUT I have no money and nowhere else to go...

btw this is a guy I've got (had!) a lot of respect for not slimy etc

I can't face any of them, I can't face work and I have no perspective over whether I am overreacting...

She apparently said nothing happened they drunkenly shared a bed so whether this constitutes a threesome or whether this is true I have no idea...I'm trying not to think about it!!

sad angry shock

I feel sick...AIBU?? WWYD??

faverolles Sun 17-Jul-11 13:21:19

If they drunkenly shared a bed and nothing happened, then it wasn't a threesome was it? confused

worraliberty Sun 17-Jul-11 13:21:25

She apparently said nothing happened they drunkenly shared a bed so whether this constitutes a threesome or whether this is true I have no idea...I'm trying not to think about it!!

Then don't think about it.

You don't know if they had sex or not and you never will...unless you keep pressing the matter and then you may find out exactly what you don't want to hear.

If this is a true story, I can see why you're a bit embarrassed but they're all adults and your Boss may feel even more embarrassed.

FreudianSlipper Sun 17-Jul-11 13:22:15


best not to think about it, i was made aware that my dad was having a bit of fun with a friends wife and he knew really what they do with that side of their life is up to them but it did make me feel sick

in a few days it will not seem so bad

usualsuspect Sun 17-Jul-11 13:22:27

Another one ..........

aprilbear Sun 17-Jul-11 13:22:47

I don't see why you need to do anything. As your sister says, detach your personal life from your work. Perhaps renting from someone other than your boss would help. She's your mother, her behaviour is her choice, just don't get involved

BluddyMoFo Sun 17-Jul-11 13:23:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shinyshoes1 Sun 17-Jul-11 13:24:13

Like your sister said, leave them to it. They are all consenting adults and from what I'm getting it only happened once.

Your mum can't undo what has been done, so live and let live.

Detach your home life from the work life. You will gain nothing from moving out and resigning. It would solve nothing it's still happened. You will just bring more stress on yourself trying to find another job and home.

I would do nothing and try and put this to the back of your mind.

I think this is a slight overreaction from you, obvoiusly it's come as a shock as it's your mum and boss but some people indulge in threesomes, each to their own

helenthemadex Sun 17-Jul-11 13:24:24

im sure your boss would be more embarassed if he thought you knew

but at the end of the day they are all consenting adults and its none of your business if they did or didnt have a threesome

prudeinquestion Sun 17-Jul-11 13:25:31

I just feel weird/stupid/sick because I've seen my boss since this happened when I didn't know, he's not embarrassed...I've lost all respect for him but maybe I am overreacting I only found out about 14hours ago...

prudeinquestion Sun 17-Jul-11 13:32:57

faverolles - they live in a four bed house and the three of them slept in the same bed and his wife left them for time on their own as well as joining them but she says she didn't have sex so who knows

worraliberty - wish it wasn't a true story!

freudian slipper - thanks, I have been here before with my Dad, I had the priviledge of breaking the news to my mother that he was gay after over 20 years of great if they kept their sex life to themselves!!

Also annoyed at my mother for telling her child in the first place!!

brownleatherbrogues Sun 17-Jul-11 13:39:28

is your mum and the other parties all adults?

if so, its got absolutely zero zilch nada to do with you

differentnameforthis Sun 17-Jul-11 13:40:19

What your mother does in her private life is no concern of yours. It's l;ike it was your partner.

differentnameforthis Sun 17-Jul-11 13:41:32

It's not like it was your partner.

Come to think of it, the private life of your boss is not your concern, either.

fastweb Sun 17-Jul-11 13:43:25

It would be well outside of my comfort zone. I would not particularly like my mother's personal life becoming entangled with my professional life to any great extent even in a less...unconventional manner.

All things considered perhaps the best short term plan is to focus ALL your energy into looking for a new job and accommodation.

It might distract you from images and thoughts that have you reaching for the brain bleach.

It could give you a breather from the shock, so by the time you have options you'll be better placed to work out if you can get past it and stay, or whether you'd rather go.

It may give you more of a sense of control by seeking options rather than feeling trapped in a situation you don't want to be in.

I think the focus right now has to be on getting you what you want, rather than them, cos them you can do nothing about.

Once the practical side is sorted out you might have a better idea about what, if anything, you want to say to your mum.

I think I would be inclined to keep my new employment\landlord a closely guarded secret if I felt in any way that the choice of partners was deliberate rather than accidental.

spookshowangel Sun 17-Jul-11 15:31:03

its none of your business, i am kind of confused why your mum haing a sex life or lack there of would make you feel sick. or is it the 3 some issue again which you yourself have said they didnt actually do.
is you mother not allowed to have sex or if she is is it only allowed to be missionary position accompanied by a gentle cough and a thank you dear.
i could be persuaded to see your point of view a little if it happened when your mum and dad were together but you dont mention that.
why does this make your boss sleazy they didnt do anything i find this all very confusing op and think you are overreacting massively.
if your mum has just come out of a long term marriage perhaps like a lot of people she now wishes to have some fun and try new things age and having children is not a barrier to that maybe 3 somes seem a tad exteme but i say fair play to her and hope i have her sense of sexual adventure (if thats what it is since op says they didnt actually have sex, right?)

SarahStratton Sun 17-Jul-11 15:39:22

Judgemental much. It's none of your business. They are consenting adults and what they do is up to them and nobody else. Your relationship with your boss is purely a work one, and what he (and anyone else) gets up to in his spare time is nobody's business but his.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie Sun 17-Jul-11 15:59:00

Bleach your brain and keep your nose out of adult business

fit2drop Sun 17-Jul-11 15:59:12

OP did not ask for this info, and mother didnt tell her, sister did,
As much as its not OP business , she cannot unknow what she has been told.
And I defy anyone on here who would shrug it off if it was their mum and their boss.

Not sure what OP can do about it other than remain apart from it and hopefully eventually it wont be such an embarrassment for her.
But I don't see why people are having a pop at OP for feeling a bit "ouchie and ffs " about it.
Nowhere has she said her mum should not have a healthy sex life,
but please........... a possible threesome with your boss... nah ...anyone would feel blurgh about that .

sorry OP not much help but definaitely feel your predicament.
And before posters have a pop at me. I am an oldie and have a very open relationship regarding sex and can talk to my kids quite openly about all subjects.

fit2drop Sun 17-Jul-11 16:05:25

forgot to add

but bloodymofo has the right idea grin

hellospoon Sun 17-Jul-11 16:12:36



Catslikehats Sun 17-Jul-11 16:21:17

Yes you are overeacting.

I understand you don't want to know the details of your mothers sex life. that is fine. Now you (possibly - who knows not even clear anything happened) do there is nothing you can do other than forget it.

They are all adults what they get up to is their business.

OldMacEIEIO Sun 17-Jul-11 17:20:05

I dont believe for a moment that your mum was involved in a threesome. She took your dog around as well, so it was a foursome at least

LadyFlumpalot Sun 17-Jul-11 17:27:22

Agree with BloodyMofo

"Hello boss, How was your ahem weekend? By the way, can I have a payrise?"


prudeinquestion Sun 17-Jul-11 19:06:35

Thank you fit2drop and fastweb

So guess on the short version the result would be IABU! In RL there are so many other issues and details...but I appreciate all your feedback smile

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