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To be sick of my Boyfriends "friend"...

(22 Posts)
salempickles Sun 17-Jul-11 09:15:54

If thats what you can call him, Ill call him D, He's a poor excuse for a man really and i want no more to do with him, Ill try and keep it short but these are some of the thing he has done lately.

a, been having a long battle with his ex over their 4 kids, he left a few years ago pays for the house, car, private education still aswell as paying for himself, he has a good job and isnt stupid but when it comes to her he just caves in and gives her what she wants, mean time my bf will go round and help pick up the pieces, the latest is this ex is now pregnant by someone else and he has now signed over the house to her new partner, without getting a penny for it.. i think hes pathetic for doing this after everything she has put him through way too long to go into here.

b, his brother is an electrician who recently helped us rewire our house, my bf did most of the labour to reduce costs, we kept asking when and how much money he wanted but he kept refusing. We knew he was already going through a rough patch with his wife (they'd split up twice previously and she had recently thrown him out again)It got to the point where he was spending nights in out house working, we told him he didn't have to but he said he preferred it to going home alone. Then comes along D and sticks his nose in saying were taking advantage of his brother, causing all kids of arguements, its got so bad now the the brother wont even take my Bf's calls anymore so were left with no lighting upstairs all cos this D poked in his nose!

c, the latest thing was this week, he has been on about selling his super tent for ages to raise some money, my friend mentioned to me she wanted to go camping with her husband and was looking to but one, we arranged for her to buy his and was going to pick it up for her yesterday, Friday evening we get a call saying he doesn't think he wants to sell it now, my friend had already booked to go away next weekend in it so i said that's fine if you don't want to sell it its yours etc but would you mind if she borrowed it for 2 days as you have let her down, his reply was to laugh for a few minutes then says no chance.

Im sick of this pathetic looser really, His family is sooo sensitive and the fact that he smokes weed all day long makes him even more paranoid so any little thing you say to him causes his paranoia to flare up then kick off, His ex has caused him the most hassle he even tried to kill himself, which my bf helped him get over, they are best friends and i know nothing will change but hes been really shitty to us by causing trouble so were left without lighting i just need a huge rant and for someone to agree that he is in fact a complete and utter nob! I feel better now!

SenoritaViva Sun 17-Jul-11 09:30:10

He sounds like he's in a bit of a mess to be honest. Regarding point a) you actually sound like you aren't being sympathetic at all and that he is totally messed up by this. At least he is paying support for his children etc. how sad that he has lost perspective and is signing his house over etc. He sounds as if he needs lots of support on this one.
On point b) that does sound frustrating, lesson to learn (especially since you say his family is sooo sensitive) is to avoid getting involved with his family for business agreements etc.
point c) these things happen but must have been a bit embarrassing for you. Your friend has got enough time to source another tent, what about trying ebay?

He's your boyfriend's best friend, I think you need to find better ways of working with this rather that it causing a rift. Choose your battles carefully and pick out those where he's taking advantage etc.

ZillionChocolate Sun 17-Jul-11 09:33:07

a - none of your business
b - none of his business, but if you had half the wiring done for free, isn't that still good? Presumably but for the brother you would have had to pay for the lot.
c - why are you getting so involved in arrangements with him when he's unreliable?

Hope ranting has helped but if he's DPs partner, you're stuck with him. Try not to get so involved, let them spend boy time together, ideally away from your home.

macdoodle Sun 17-Jul-11 09:35:00

Wow you just sound a delights

catgirl1976 Sun 17-Jul-11 09:37:04

How is any of this your business? Not sure how it affects you except maybe c) at a push - but that's really your own fault for trying to arrange things with someone you know is to be relied on

WhoAteMySnickers Sun 17-Jul-11 09:49:41

YABU.

a. None of your business.

b. You got half of your electrics done for free. You say you were willing to pay the brother but he wouldn't accept it so use that money to pay someone to complete the job.

c. More fool you for getting involved when you know he's unreliable and more fool your friend for booking somewhere when she doesn't even have a tent. And the cheek of asking him to loan the tent out! Do you often loan very expensive things to complete strangers?

Animation Sun 17-Jul-11 09:55:54

"he even tried to kill himself, which my bf helped him get over, they are best friends and i know nothing will change but hes been really shitty to us by causing trouble so were left without lighting"

He is a troubled man. Troubled people can be chaotic.

OP you're coming across a bit mean spirited I afraid.

BoysAreLikeDogs Sun 17-Jul-11 09:57:04

bizarre

a beak out

b tightwad, stop moaning

c your friend is a bit stupid to book camping when she didn't own a tent innit

d you are all as bad as each other

HTH

catgirl1976 Sun 17-Jul-11 09:58:24

PS - Get a new electrician to sort your upstairs lighting out. Yell.com might help.

ZZZenAgain Sun 17-Jul-11 10:00:09

if he smoking weed all day how is he holding down this well-paid job? (nt making a point here, just frankly curious...)

OK write it all off and do no more financial- helping out deals with him and his family. Just talk to them if you meet up, but no more deals. Get someone else to finish the wiring ASAP so that is not getting on your nerves anymore. sorry about your friend with the tent. It is crap but what can you do now unless you know someone else who might help out and lend her a tent?

As to what he does with his ex etc , of course if he is constantly at your house breaking down telling you how awful it is , ignoring all your advice and getting himself into a worse and worse fix, it is reasonable IMO to feel irritated by him. So I would not speak to him about his ex anymore - finish. If dh wants to ok, but if I were you, I'd just say "oh if you two are talking about the ex and so on, I'll leave you to it, get on with the ironing, file my nails, watch tv..." whatever, and walk out without an argument or letting yourself get riled. Not nasty at all but firm

It sounds to me like he is all over the place tbh

SenoritaViva Sun 17-Jul-11 10:02:39

ZZZen - I once worked at a company where a group of them would go outside for a smoke break and smoke weed mostly. They were all quite well paid and functioned well at their jobs which surprised me. Not something I would personally advocate though!

ZZZenAgain Sun 17-Jul-11 10:08:16

interesting - hope they weren't surgeons

ZZZenAgain Sun 17-Jul-11 10:08:49

no that's alcohol, isn't it and you said they worked in a company

sorry, bit of a derail

catgirl1976 Sun 17-Jul-11 10:09:13

Sounds like the I.T. department IME smile

Animation Sun 17-Jul-11 10:12:28

Giving this my careful consideration though -

YANBU for getting a bit sick of him. He's a bit much!

salempickles Sun 17-Jul-11 11:07:23

Maybe i am getting a bit stuck into him but tbh hes given us good reason too in the past which as i said it way too much to go into. Although i do find it my business when he comes to seek refuge in our house for days at a time when he has these down periods, smoking constantly etc.

I never once said i have had my house rewired for free, this is what caused the argument, we constantly asked the brother when he wanted paying, he kept saying to us lets wait till the end when your moved back in, but behind our backs was telling anyone who would listen that we hadn't offered to pay him a penny... when we pulled him up on the matter in front of people he had to admit that we had offered and was made to look a liar. This is where i have cause for his brother getting stuck into it, i can understand sticking up for your bother of course, but even when he was told the truth he still about it he still continued to have a go at us and actually said we were the reason for the break down of his marriage as he was spending so much time doing our house... which ill never forgive him for. Even when we have tried to contact his brother to arrange to pay left numerous messages he hasn't replied, i still would not ever dream of touching that money though as i wouldn't expect anyone to do all that work and not be paid for it. I just have to wait till he comes round to getting in touch.

The weed problem he has is really out of control which is why i added it, he works away a lot so is always smoking but cannot see that most of his problems are caused by this, his paranoia, his selfish streaks, the way he treats and speaks to people all come back to this, he never used to be like this which is why its so annoying to see him in this state now when he used to be so together. As for the ex situation we have tried and tried to give him advice about what to do, 1 of our friends is a solicitor who gave him very good advice regarding access visits which he totally ignored, so its like groundhog day with him.

I know nothing will come of all this, i just wanted to have a little moan about him, every week there seems to be something new that he needs help with sorting out and as his only friend its left to my boyfriend, anyone else iwould completely write off and get rid but i wouldnt expect anyone else to feel the same.

SenoritaViva Sun 17-Jul-11 12:02:00

catgirl yes IT department!

salem do you or your boyfriend smoke weed? I ask this because if you don't I would ban him from smoking at your house when he 'seeks refuge'. Or speak to your boyfriend, does he agree that his weed smoking is a serious problem, even if you both do? If he does (your boyfriend), and it sounds like the root of many of his problems ('he used to be so together' 'he's now paranoid' etc.), then can you get him to agree a) not to smoke with him b) not refuse to allow it in the house (even if you decide to continue smoking occasionally when he's not there).

I'd stop giving him advice, both of you. He just doesn't seem to be listening and it will (or is already) affect your relationship.

JazzieJeff Sun 17-Jul-11 12:13:38

What does your bf say about all this?

porcamiseria Sun 17-Jul-11 18:54:49

you sound like a BAYATCH tbh

prudaloo Sun 17-Jul-11 18:58:31

Yawn

Ormirian Sun 17-Jul-11 18:59:47

Goodness.

Were you off ill when they taught empathy in school?

BooyHoo Sun 17-Jul-11 19:02:32

cow.

this man has signed his house over so that his four children have a home. what the hell is wrong with that? why on earth does it affect you?

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