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To not be thrilled about dh's 20yr uni friends reunion weekend away?

(65 Posts)
Minicooper Sat 16-Jul-11 18:03:11

Just that really. It is a one off, so maybe I should just put up with it, but as a SAHM when something like this comes up it makes it a VERY long fortnight! I have a 3yo and a 1yo, neither in childcare as its school holidays and 3yodd's preschool is closed for 8 weeks shock and have no family in the country to decamp to for the weekend.

squeakytoy Sat 16-Jul-11 18:04:46

Why not invite friends over to you then?

But yes, you are being unreasonable, they are your children, do you not actually enjoy spending time with them????

gethelp Sat 16-Jul-11 18:07:18

Book a spa weekend for you and a friend the following w/e to get over it!

Minicooper Sat 16-Jul-11 18:07:38

Hmmm, squeaky toy! Yes, or I wouldn't be a SAHM!!!! Not a walk in the park, in my experience! So having them 14 days on the trot is testing, shall we say!

mumblechum1 Sat 16-Jul-11 18:08:37

It said weekend in the title.

Is it actually a fortnight, then?

wompoopigeon Sat 16-Jul-11 18:09:05

Yanbu to feel cheesed off about it. But you need to show good grace I'm afraid- and book something lovely for yourself in return!

mamas12 Sat 16-Jul-11 18:09:26

Do what get help says.
Get some me time either before he goes or after and no argument!

MrsGravy Sat 16-Jul-11 18:10:32

Sorry, I don't understand, is it a weekend or a fortnight?

I never look forward to my DH going away for a weekend when I'm looking after the kids all day every day during the week. I would never let him see that though as he deserves to go off and do stuff for himself once in a while.

Just make it an easy weekend for yourself, let the kids watch TV and eat fishfingers etc. Then make sure you get a bit of 'time off' the weekend after.

SuePurblybilt Sat 16-Jul-11 18:11:03

Is there something to stop you getting out and doing stuff? Not driving or difficulty getting about or similar? Though, tbh, I cope in the back of beyond, with no car and no money as a lone parent - you just have to get on with it and find entertainment where you can. There seems to be lots on at the moment for free - family fun days and the like - make the most of it and try to involve as many of your friends as possible.
And book a weekend away for yourself when he gets back smile

DragonAlley Sat 16-Jul-11 18:11:25

Yes, its a one off. You should just put up with it.

And arrange your own weekend away.

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange Sat 16-Jul-11 18:13:44

I understand what you mean but I think you are a little unreasonable.

Minicooper Sat 16-Jul-11 18:16:27

Thanks, good advice ladies! Therein lies the rub - you've shown me that the issue is not him having time off, but that I have not managed any. Not one evening/ day/ night/ morning in 3.5yrs. Maybe that's the issue more than the weekend itself. And yes, it is a weekend, but as dh works Mon-Fri and isn't home til dds are in bed, its a fortnight with no help with the children, if that makes sense.

ASByatt Sat 16-Jul-11 18:17:47

Your post does imply that your DH has no contact whatsoever with your DC unless it is a weekend, hence the 14 day slog for you - is that really the case?

If your DH is a reasonable man, then surely you can arrange an evening out in the weeks either side of his weekend away so you've got them to look forward to?
Or if that doesn't work for you then yes, arrange for him to have the DC whilst you have some time for yourself during another weekend.

If he's not a reasonable man, then just give him hell I guess! smile

ASByatt Sat 16-Jul-11 18:18:35

Ah, crossed posts - sorry.

Yes yes yes - you must arrange to have some time for yourself.

Clarabumps Sat 16-Jul-11 18:19:57

I think the poster means that her husband works through the week and the only time she has company is at the weekend and as he will be away at the weekend then it will be a fortnight without company.
I totally get where you're coming from.. it sucks when they go off out to have fun but just try and put your pissed off ness to one side and tell him to have a good time. Also book a weekend off for yourself and remind yourself not to be pissy with him as you'd hate it if he did that before you were going away.
I'm a sahm and I understand completely! My dp works 6 days a week and renovates houses on the 7th day and it is like groundhog day. I know he's doing it for the greater good of our family etc but I just think sometimes day after day gets wearing and it'd be nice just to have company!

MrsGravy Sat 16-Jul-11 18:22:40

Bloody hell yes, get some time to yourself. You're bound to feel resentful if you've never had any.

diddl Sat 16-Jul-11 18:23:15

"its a fortnight with no help with the children, if that makes sense."

Well kind of-but it´s really only a weekend.

And depending on what time your husband gets home, maybe the three year old can stay up a little later so that daddy can put him to bed/read a story?

Does he have to go for the weekend or is there some compromise that could be struck?

Andrewofgg Sat 16-Jul-11 18:27:40

Once every twenty years, sounds reasonable to me.

yearningforthesun Sat 16-Jul-11 18:29:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yearningforthesun Sat 16-Jul-11 18:30:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ravenAK Sat 16-Jul-11 18:33:34

Invite an old mate of your own over for the weekend if you can, & have a relaxed couple of days pootling around & having takeaway pizza for tea.

Then tell dh it's been a living hell & you're off for a wild weekend/spa break next week.

I know it's easy to feel resentful when you're on sole duty AGAIN & he's off gallivanting - dh works away a lot during the week, I work f/t too, I find myself chuntering a lot about dh & his bloody feet up in his bloody expenses paid hotel.

But you're both in it for the long haul - at some point over the next 15 years you'll probably fancy a weekend away too!

Zimm Sat 16-Jul-11 18:39:35

Op this is going to come across as a slight post hijack but I see loads of these threads...The gist of the thread is that the DP/DH wishes to go away for the weekend/a week whatever and is the poster BU to not like it/say not etc. You then get a load of people coming along saying that they would never use the term 'letting' their DP/Dh and go and of course he must go why on earth can't the OP manage 1/2/3/4/5/6 kids alone? In fairness they do also say - 'get some time for yourself'. But I think most posters don't seem to get the point (or don't see it as a problem) that you are making - for many mums - weekends are the only break from the kids - this includes SAHMs and many working outside the home mums as we do more often, do the wraparound care.

So the prospect of losing our help for the weekend is a crappy one. And having a weekend away yourself isn't always the answer and not everyone finds it easy to leave their kids for a weekend. (Not a criticism of those that do, I am currently working hard at getting better at leaving DD!)

Looking after small children is relentless in a way that working outside the home is not and I totally get why some ppl dread/are reluctant for DPs to go away and don;t think they should be told to suck it up.

Kids are only young for a short time - there is time for weekends away later.

Minicooper Sat 16-Jul-11 19:01:50

Oh Zimm, I could kiss you just for understanding! You've hit the nail on the head! Thank you. I may not have solved it, but this has helped. Thanks, everyone.

Birdsnotbees Sat 16-Jul-11 19:13:00

If my DH went away for the weekend right now I'd lose the plot (3 yr old, 5 month old, me the sole carer). To the poster who asked if you don't like spending time with your kids: er, the clue is in the fact that she's a SAHM!!!!

Looking after young kids on your own is utterly, utterly relentless. It is pretty much 24/7, minus any sleep. The hardest work there is, and the one with the longest hours. OP is not being unreasonable to dread losing the only respite she will get for a fortnight.

OP - is there a chance your DH could go for part of the weekend? Can you drum up some support from friends? Or even buy in a babysitter for part of the weekend so you can get a tiny bit of a break?

DragonAlley Sat 16-Jul-11 19:15:34

"Kids are only young for a short time - there is time for weekends away later."

Except this is a twenty year reunion. Kind of tough to have that later wouldn't you agree?

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