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Not not have sex even though he's expecting it?

(9 Posts)
EyePoke Sat 16-Jul-11 14:04:03

I was on the mini-pill and it has completely killed my sex drive. I stopped taking it about 4 days ago but sex drive not yet returned. Boyfriend was yesterday saying how its been almost 3 weeks since we last did anything and how he can't wait until he sleeps over this weekend. The thing is though I still have no sex drive and really don't want to have sex this weekend. He's taking me out for a meal etc and I'm kind of feeling obliged to have sex and its stressing me out. I've explained to him why I have no drive and that it should return soon but he's so inpatient and has the attitude "well just let me do foreplay on you then, that will get you in the mood" but I don't want to do that either!!
AIBU to just say no to any sex this weekend even though he's expecting it?

worraliberty Sat 16-Jul-11 14:06:42

YANBU if you don't want to at the time but YABU (or at least a bit pointless) to write it off now.

How on earth can you tell how you'll feel when the time comes? If you convince yourself your libido won't come back until a certain time, it probably won't as the mind is a very powerful thing.

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange Sat 16-Jul-11 14:06:44

Of course you are not.

Although use it or lose it does apply here, it is possible if you took things slow without pressure you may want to carry on but with him going on and on that is really the biggest turn off!

BertieBotts Sat 16-Jul-11 14:11:14

You should probably say "I don't know whether my sex drive will be back by the weekend", just to let him know so he doesn't get all excited about it, but aside from that, he shouldn't be putting this kind of pressure on you. In my experience pressure is the biggest killer for sex drive. You shouldn't feel obliged to have sex because he buys you a meal! So either he's making you feel that, and that is wrong, or you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself, which won't help. (I suspect the former though, as even "I'm really excited about the weekend" is pressure if you know he's referring to sex.)

I'd want to be with someone who was looking forward to the weekend whether we had sex or not, even if it had been a while.

spookshowangel Sat 16-Jul-11 15:46:03

thats tricky, like bertie say pressure is the biggest turn off. but in the same vain with sex i always find the more you have the more you want and if you are not having any its easy to stay that way.
think its prob not a great idea to take it off the cards now but you shouldnt feel like you have to either.

jeckadeck Sat 16-Jul-11 18:31:41

You are under no obligation whatsoever to have sex just because someone is expecting it. Period. If he is going to get the hump about it then he's not worth it. If you want to you could discuss it with him beforehand, better communication is always a good thing and you can let him down gently if you tell him now that you're not going to be up for it. But you are definitley NBU if you don't have sex with him.

danniclare Sun 17-Jul-11 00:11:02

Seems like you have fallen into the trap of booking sex in advance. He's been looking forward to, er, your company all week, and the sleep over turns out to be a bit different from what he anticpated. Tough. It takes 2 to tango and there's no guarantees. Sounds as if the problem is that sleepover=sex and perhaps also no sex at other times. Try to change expectations so he does not think one always equals the other. Also sounds as if the mini-pill could be a problem, but sounds as if you have thought of that already.

snippywoo2 Sun 17-Jul-11 00:40:15

He's taking me out for a meal etc and I'm kind of feeling obliged to have sex and its stressing me out.

No one should feel obliged to have sex because they have bought you something that's akin to prostitution tbh just tell him its off the table until you want it, if he's not willing to wait then he's not worth it and move on.

intelligenceitself Sun 17-Jul-11 09:02:18

No matter if he's taking you out for dinner. Most men want you to enjoy sex as much as they do and if you're not up for it he should accept that. There are other things you could do obviously but not to placate him IYWIM

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