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To be annoyed with MIL

(9 Posts)
jubblicious Sat 16-Jul-11 05:57:51

DH and I are arguing about his mum. I'm annoyed at her crappy hurtful advice.

So long story short. I'm pregnant with DC2 and DC1 is 7 months. Her first bit of advice was that i needed to stop breastfeeding otherwise my boobs would be far too big!

This was the same MIL who told me when we were TTC that I needed to lose weight as I would never be able to do it afterwards.

We used to live together and because of family problems we moved out. WhenMIL and FIL came to visit, the casually told me that they wouldn't be close to DS as he didn't live with them. But his two cousins who do live with them, they would be close to.

DH thinks I should be able to let it all go and still be nice and should go out of my way for them. But I think, why and am annoyed? AIBU?

iscream Sat 16-Jul-11 06:26:50

Smile politely and say "Oh, as far as your son is concerned the bigger the better"

iscream Sat 16-Jul-11 06:28:59

Or just smile politely and change the subject. smile

jubblicious Sat 16-Jul-11 06:35:24

I wish DH would grow some balls and see what's really happening. How could he not be offended about what they said about DS?

zipzap Sat 16-Jul-11 09:23:15

Just tell them that's fine, they won't love them as much as their other grandparents. and that you are glad about the fact that they can be so open about expressing how they are going to be towards their different grandchildren because it confirms what strange people they are and quite frankly you don't want your dc exposed to that very much.

Ie they told you this to make you think that on no, we need to go back to stay with PIL. Turn it around and say that is one of the reasons you left and that is a good thing and they are the ones that are going to be upset and unsettled.

And if you really want to screw them with the mind games ask them are they really sure that their other gc love them or are just polite
because they live with them and have no choice... Or whatever else will unsettle them - after all if they can do it to you they should be able to take it back!

FuzzpigFourFiveSix Sat 16-Jul-11 09:40:13

They sound lovely...

ZillionChocolate Sat 16-Jul-11 09:45:13

How about "did you intend to be so rude then? Because you were". Then make her sit on the naughty step.

biddysmama Sat 16-Jul-11 09:49:05

is it possible that there are cultural differences? i hope you dont mind me asking that?

blackeyedsusan Sat 16-Jul-11 09:57:52

<bitter experience> he won't see it unless it is extremely blatant and is already thinking you should just get over it without any acknowledgement of the hurt caused.

there is not much point trying to make him see why what they have said is hurtful, because he won't want to.

try to do behaviour has consequences, sort of.."I'm sorry but i don't want to see mil as much because she makes hurtful personal comments and I prefer not to be around that. " keep to the facts. state what she does, rather than attacking her personality. (again bitter experience of getting it wrong)

when you see her all you need to be is polite. I would say try to go for a sort of non comittal response to rude comments that leave her wondering whether you have got them or not. (you know the sort of response that you only think of an hour after you leave... )

good luck.

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