My mums just really upset me...(18 Posts)
My Mum has a bit of a history of hysterical behaviour. Shes often paranoid and exagerates stories, gets annoyed at things which happened years ago and brings them up out of context, shouts or snaps for no reason, accuses people of starting arguments that shes started etc. She does have a history of alcoholism.
She came over tonight and said, "Oh I saw your brother earlier. He said when he came over the other night, you didnt even offer him a cup of tea!"
This is a lie. I offered him tea, and some dinner, and actually I doubt that he even said that to her in those exact words. She then told me that she had replied "Oh Knitty sometimes gets stressed with the baby and probably forgot to offer you a drink. Shes done the same to me before."
I really took offense to that. I am not the mother that she was, and I try very hard not to give my son the shambolic upbringing me and my brother had. I might be busy looking after my son, but for her to gossip that Im stressed with my baby really hurt me and I think its a dangerous thing to say. I dont want people to think I am getting stressed out with my son and I told her I want her to be very careful with the words she chooses in future.
She stormed out after crying that I was making her feel guilty. Am I in the wrong here?
so did your brother saythat to her or was she lying?
Don't worry really if she goes around telling the whole world you are too stressed with the baby to offer her a drink, no-one is going to find that it is a case for SS
I don't think so. It sounds like she having a hissy fit because you caught her out.
She is seems to be a bit jealous that you are turning out to be a better mother than she managed to be and is she is trying to undermine you with these remarks.
If your DS is thriving and happy, no-one is going to pay any attention to her comments, especially if she has a history of exaggerating and making things up. Speak to your brother and find out exactly what was said - then go back to her with the facts.
Ignore her histronics and rise above it. Do not get into discussions with your brother over it - she is doing the classic "divide and conquer". Sure mention it to him in that "you'll never guess was mother tried on the other day" but be assured she is being unreasonable and trying to put you down to make her feel better about herself.
I think they probably just chatted about him coming over and she engineered it to complain about my hosting, which shes always complaining about (DP buys our coffee from Poundland so I have a packet of ground coffee just for her!)
I just think 'stressed' makes it sound like Im frantic, and I really am not. I dont want her saying this to people who might not have seen how I actually behave, but when I asked her not to put it quite like that, she cried
Thanks all. I know if I called my brother, we would laugh about it just as you said. But I cant do that with other people she may have said this kind of thing to, and they'll have an awful mental image of me!
if she's got form, anyone she says this to will just think "yeah, whatever" & ignore her. i wouldn't let her get to you
You'd like to think your mum would be supportive and positive about your parenting skills, I mean, it's kind of a reflection on what she taught you (which I agree with story, it's great you've broken the cycle).
I'm not surprised at you being pissed off with the way she's acting.
You say a history of alcoholism, is she not drinking at the min?
There's a lot of focus on mums with babies, and rightly so, but if you don't have any difficulties it's not a nice implication.
Shes not drinking now, but theres alot of stress with my Grandparents at the moment. I think you are all right about her realising she may not have done the best job.
Although she did in a way, because I am great
My brother and I often say we were raised by Disney films and Star Wars!
While YANBU, I suspect that Glittery is right, and that anyone who even remotely knows your mother, knows to take everything she says with a great big shovel of salt. It doesn't excuse what she has said, but please try not to worry about what other people are thinking, I'm sure they know you're a good mum.
YANBU. If you are busy with your ds, she should be making the tea anyway! She probably does feel guilty for not making you such a priority as you make your ds.
It's really hard not having your Mum's approval for the great job you're doing with your kids (I'm in the same boat) but as others have said I'm sure you don't need to worry about what others will think because of anything your mum says. To be very frank she sounds barking.
YANBU to be upset at your mothers comments as they are insensitive, however try to worry about those that don't know you and their impression (easier said than done I know I always hate it when I think people think badly of me), as I'm sure that those that matter and who are actually are involved in your life know that you are not a stressed and frantic.
I also have a mother who was not the best (like your self alcohol was and is an issue) and like yours there is an unwillingness to accept responsibility for past problems such as arguments ect, while its sad and not ideal sometimes with people such as this you have to develop a thick skin where they are concerned, as the reality is that you can't change what people say or do only your reaction to it and try not to let it affect you (once again easier said than done).
As long as you and your DS are happy that is all that matters!
YANBU - she sounds like an absolute mare. You did the right thing. Well done for standing up for yourself and whatever you do - do not apologise EVER. You deserve a medal.
You are probably being the perfect mum in her eyes, no such thing in reality exists but you are doing a fine job, just as most of us do. Some mum't can't get it together, as from your description it sounds as if your mum falls into that category.
It sounds to me as if she is bitching because she sees you doing what she knows she should have done and didn't. Guilt probably.
I also have a mum who has a knack of pulling on your guilt strings, though my mum is a treasure and was a great mum.
I would try to put it out of your mind, I bet your mum already has.
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