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To tell my four year old that being her friend isn't the most important thing?

(38 Posts)
ButteryPie Fri 15-Jul-11 16:21:49

We've had this conversation SO MUCH over the last couple of months.

DD1: "Can I do/have <insert completely unreasionable thing>?"
Me: "No, because <insert simple reason, eg it's nearly tea time, you can't fly, the baby doesn't want to be your doggy>"
Me: "Oh well. You're still not having it."
Me: "I'd like to be your friend, but I am your parent first, and I love you more than I want to be your friend. It is my job to maki sure you grow up healthily/polite/clever, and you will be glad when you are older. Now stop it."

I got a shocked look off someone at playgroup for this exchange. I honestly can't work out if she was shocked at my lack of care that my daughter isn't my friend, or at the sheer mc wankiness of my last utterance. MN Jury - which was it?

I do occaisionally go all mc wanky. Obviously it is after I have told her or her sister that they need to stop etc, and got the result, but it is boring sometimes just saying no, so I amuse myself by rambling on. I did once get overheard explaining the concept of the capatalist patriarchy to my one year old though (she wanted yet another sparkly tiara). That was embarrassing.

basingstoke Fri 15-Jul-11 16:24:15

It was the wankiness. I would smirk I think. Sorry!

ButteryPie Fri 15-Jul-11 16:24:49

grin Oh well, at least I know!

AgentZigzag Fri 15-Jul-11 16:26:11

grin at explaining the capitalist patriarchy to your 1 YO.

The role of a friend is different to that of a parent, I'm friendly with DD1 but not her mate.

Your DD just sounds like she's repeating how she talks at school, I'm forever telling my 10 YO I'm not 10 and we're not in the playground so could she stop talking to me as if we were.

LaWeasleyAintWeaselyAnymore Fri 15-Jul-11 16:26:44

I do the over explaining when I'm bored thing. I have no illusion that she actually cares, but hey, it stops my brain dying!

basingstoke Fri 15-Jul-11 16:26:49

Mind you, that's not say i'm not guilty of it myself... I was explaining some science thing that DS wad regretting asking about on the bus once, and a man leant over and said, smirking, "most enlightening"...

StrandedBear Fri 15-Jul-11 16:26:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaWeasleyAintWeaselyAnymore Fri 15-Jul-11 16:27:57

I keep posting like this and not answering the bloody question.

Anyway - No YANBU! I think you are being perfectly reasonable in fact.

Although I would giggle if I heard you because it is funny!

BalloonSlayer Fri 15-Jul-11 16:28:14


"I don't care" would have sufficed.

It will stand her in good stead when little Queenbees in school say she's not their friend.

She probably stopped listening after "I'd like to be your friend" which is why she was so confused.

Flisspaps Fri 15-Jul-11 16:28:54

Definitely the mc wankiness, sorry.

The response I used to get off my mum to the 'You're not my friend' thing was 'OK' - and that's what DD will get too.

charliejosh Fri 15-Jul-11 16:33:14

I just spat my tea at the screen uopn reading the sentence

I honestly can't work out if she was shocked at my lack of care that my daughter isn't my friend, or at the sheer mc wankiness of my last utterance

Thanks for cheering me up

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange Fri 15-Jul-11 16:37:16

I'm enjoying dd 3, tell me I'm her best friend cause I know it won't last grin

Moobee Fri 15-Jul-11 16:37:44

What is MC wanky? It sounds like a bad name for a DJ.

garlicbutter Fri 15-Jul-11 16:38:22

A tad wanky, but absolutely RIGHT! That other mum will have to explain the same thing when her DC's much older and better equipped to answer back

Very grin at explaining the concept of the capitalist patriarchy to your baby! Nothing like starting when they're young ...

allhailtheaubergine Fri 15-Jul-11 16:39:23

I don't bother with the wanky explanations, but when my two scream that I am not their friend I just say "no, of course not. I'm your Mummy." She once tried to tell me that I wasn't her mummy any more and I was delighted to inform her that "ha, I will ALWAYS be your mummy and there's nothing you can do about it" grin

activate Fri 15-Jul-11 16:39:51

the funny looks is becuase you're being one of those "I must explain everything in great detail to my children"

whereas it should go

DD1: "Can I do/have <insert completely unreasionable thing>?"
You: "No"

and ignore

DD1 but I'm not your friend
You: Oh well I still love you

and ignore

your problem is the endless conversation you're getting into IMO

purplepidjincantatem Fri 15-Jul-11 16:42:55

Yanbu. I get the same looks chatting to a 46yo man in a wheelchair <sigh>

littleducks Fri 15-Jul-11 16:43:08

Do you remember when your mum said 'because I said so' this is a situiation for repeating it! grin

Pinkjenny Fri 15-Jul-11 16:43:37

Dd: You're not my best friend ANY MORE <<stamp>>
Me: Ah, well <<carry on with my day>>

sparkle12mar08 Fri 15-Jul-11 16:48:28

My own personal favourite to the "you're not my friend anymore" line is "That's okay, it's my job to be your mother, not your best friend. Now lets do xyz" and change the subject.

RedHotPokers Fri 15-Jul-11 16:51:10

I am saving the ''I'm not your friend, I'm your mother' discussion til DD (4) is a bit older.

Currently I find saying 'that's fine cos I'm not sure I want to be friends with some who is shouting at me and being silly!' quite effective!

BrainSurgeon Fri 15-Jul-11 16:54:52

Ha ha
<getting ready for when 3yo DS gets to that stage - he won't know what hit him!>

MayDayChild Fri 15-Jul-11 16:57:03

Thank god other DD age 4 are like mine.
I cannot bear the theatrical foot stamping and shouting, inability to respond to polite orders of any kind and the giggling silliness shouting bum bum poo at me.
When does it end? What does 5 entail?

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Fri 15-Jul-11 17:01:35

You are absolutely right. Our role as parents is not to be our children's best mate. You can't be their friend and their parent. (while they are children at least) The two are incompatible and trying to be their mate means you have a harder job being their parent. I think that if you try to make sure your child likes you all the time, you aren't doing the right thing. I mean, for a start it means giving them their own way all the time, which is a ruddy great big mistake! You have to accept that they will bloody HATE you sometimes, and that's ok. Because you are being their parent and what you do, you do because you love them.

So I think you've got this spot on.

TrillianAstra Fri 15-Jul-11 17:02:10

Probably the wankiness, but as has already been said long complicated sentences to children who don't understand them are a vital tool in the fight against brainrot.

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