Am I being unreasonable or is DH?(27 Posts)
Really not sure if Im being petty here or if I have a right to be p*ssed off.
DH started going for 1 pint after work on a week night when his business partner split up from his wife. That was a good 4/5 months ago. Its now escalated to a few more pints except when his business partner goes to meet his new girlfriend (you see where Im going ?) a friend has started to join them so when business partner goes to see new girlfriend, DH now stays later with friend.
I really dont mind him nipping for a couple after work but this has now turned into a regular weekly thing and being nearly 34 weeks pregnant Ive told him things will change when baby gets here. He accepts this and if it doesnt change Ill just leave him with baby and nip for a few wines with the girls and see how he likes it!
My annoyance with him is that I have to ring or text him to find out where he is, then he tells me what time hell be home yet he is ALWAYS late! If he told me hes be back half an hour/hour later and was then it wouldnt matter so much but it just feels like hes taking the p*ss out of me.
He also swears he only has a couple of pints and then drives home (when hes not driving he comes home pretty drunk) yet Im sure he was slurring when he got home this week and then spent all night in a childish mood like Id stopped his fun.
He was super nice the following morning so Im guessing he knows he was a bit out of order but Im still annoyed with him.
Were going to seriously struggle on SMP yet he can gladly drink away between £15-30 in the pub when he pops for a pint and its p*ssing me off that Im the one scrimping and saving so I can keep a tiny bit of financial independence on maternity leave.
He drinks Thursday, Friday, Saturday and a bit on a Sunday so its not like Im a nagging wife asking him to cut it out and Ive driven us to every night out with his pals and wives and not moaned to go home early so please dont think Im stopping him having fun!
We used to be each others drinking partners so I understand he misses that but so do I! And I cant get a bit tiddly whilst he continues to drink what he likes.
Please dont get me wrong as hes a fantastic husband, I just see red when he behaves like this!
Do I just let him get on with it and stop letting it get to me or am I right to be annoyed with him?
YANBU. He is out of order. His selfish behaviour should be nipped in the bud now.
As soon as I read about your suspicions of him driving when potentially drunk, I am afraid I think he is a selfish tosser who needs to get a life and be more responsible.
That is between £60 and £120 a week in the pub.
Apart from the money and the lack of consideration for you, he's drink driving? Dick.
It's only one night a week - not 5! Sorry if I didn't explain that very well!
You're right about the drinking and driving - and I can't go on enough about it. I may be wrong ... but I don't think I am
Have you spoken to him about it calmly (not when he comes back from the pub!)? Maybe you can suggest that they could come for a drink at your place? Then it's cheaper and no drink driving.
so will he be drinking and driving with your kid in the car?
i would tell him next time he drives home from pub, you will be informing the police
No he will not!!!
He believes a couple is under the limit - which I'm not too sure about?
I'll just tell him that's the last time he drives home after a drink
To be fair he often leaves the car there ... but then he's had 3 or 4 (or more) pints
One night out a week with friends before the baby comes is reasonable. Not letting you know roughly when he will be home is unreasonable. Drink driving and spending £100 pw on booze is not reasonable.
That's it - I don't mind the one night at all. It's just the being late and not letting me know - all the time!
And the driving
1. What's so peculiar about you handing him the baby and going out for a few drinks? You say it like it would be a crime. If he can behave normally between now and the birth, do it.
2. That said, CAN he act normally? Because pregnant or not there is NO WAY I would remain living with someone who drinks and drives.
My cousin was 17 when he was killed by a bastard like your husband. ACT NOW to stop the next victim being someone else's child... or your own.
YANBU...Is the other friend that your dh stays with male or female?
The rule of thumb for pints is generally 1 and a half pints, but it varies person to person. Anything more than a pint though is a bit irresponsible..
DogsBestFriends - I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin - that's truly awful. But I'm only questioning my husband, it's not confirmed. And don't worry - I will be going out for wine once baby is here!
Friend is male
1 1/2 pints? Thanks JanMorrow
I agree about the drink driving. But maybe he is enjoying the last weeks of freedom before he becomes a father. Just because he is doing this now doesn't mean he will continue once the baby comes. Sounds like he acknowledges that.
I would suggest talking it through when you are both fresh and tell him that you would prefer him not to be later than he says, especially as at the moment it's really important that you know where he is in case you go into labour. That should shock him into reality.
It's obvious you aren't being a killjoy and you would be perfectly reasonable to explain your feelings. Have you had a chat yet about money? It's never easy but you need to do it otherwise it will store up problems for later.
You're questioning a man's drink-driving behaviour when he drives home and you are "pretty sure he was slurring" his words?
You must surely know whether he was slurring his words or not - after all, you live with him, you know what he sounds like drunk or sober. I may be way off the mark here and if I am I apologise but it something tells me that you're struggling to admit to yourself that he was slurring his words rather than you're unsure about it.
Very wise words 33goingon64
I have explained how I feel ... and will do again. I'm hoping his morning nice behaviour was a part grovel?
I've explained about the money and he assures me he's got it covered - I'm just glad I've been saving like mad to cover any c*ck ups! It'll still be tight but I'm hoping my back-up pot will help ... and if he has got it covered it may buy us some treats
Hi DogsBestFriend - he'd been up since dawn so I'm not 100% sure it wasnt just tiredness (I'm not justifying it - just not ready to bash him as a killer bastard) he most definitley wasn't drunk - but I could tell he'd had a drink.
I will discuss it with him as I am totally against drink driving just like you are
Ah, see your point then. COuld be indeed, I don't cope well with tiredness and doubtless sound pissed as an ox myself when I'm knackered!
I hope that you get it all sorted and you make damn sure that you hand him baby when he/she arrives, get your glad rags on and go out with your friends too!
The drink driving is inexcusable and if it were my DH I would kick him out for that <zero tolerance>, not that he would even dream of it.
On the other though, I don't see the problem with a man having a drink once a week with his friends. Because he's having a baby he should sit home every night? I don't see why. People need time for themselves to relax and socialise, you should do the same for yourself.
Indeed I shall
MsTeak - as I said I don't mind at all - it's the other bits I mentioned that piss me off
oh and on one and a half pints, that equates to the legal limit of 80mg, which has long been widely criticised as far too high. Its one of the highest in Europe. The safe limit is none.
If he is tired too, that will mean even a pint could affect his ability to drive properly. How near to you is the pub? You could always go there and have a non-alcoholic drink too.. a social life doesnt have to involve alcohol.
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