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to think that the bitch he cheated on us with should not be called Auntie?

(34 Posts)
L8rAllig8r Fri 15-Jul-11 00:38:09

DS (2.5) saw his dad today, and when he dropped him back I asked DS what he'd been doing today as I usually do, and he said 'I saw Auntie ***' - which is the filthy little slag ex cheated on me with. I am over him and if it were another girl I wouldn't mind but she knew we were together and she went after him anyway while I had PND and I have since tried to be civil, even friendly to ex, even though I hate him, for DS's sake, but to hear DS call HER Auntie just made me so bloody furious that I just walked away with DS and refused to speak to him. She is not his fucking auntie!!! She's a homewrecking little bitch.

I know it wasn't the best reaction but it was a snap decision, no time to think it through and now I don't know what the next step should be. He is unlikely to contact me as he is an arse about these things, refuses to discuss anything and I still feel too angry to contact him. AIBU to not apologise? TBH I was already cross as he gives me the bare minimum maintenance for DS but turned up today with 3 new shit tattoos, and this just felt like the last straw. Arrgh!

Annpan88 Fri 15-Jul-11 01:36:33

In my opinion, YANBU and I'm sorry sad

HengshanRoad Fri 15-Jul-11 03:57:43

YANBU, but don't reserve your opprobrium for her. Pile some on your ex too. Two to tango, and all that.

kreecherlivesupstairs Fri 15-Jul-11 07:49:43

YANBU, but, TBH, you don't sound over him entirely.

altinkum Fri 15-Jul-11 07:52:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spookshowangel Fri 15-Jul-11 07:53:20

urgh i hate it when children call people anuty and uncle when they are not. i think you should talk very gently and calmly with your son about what an auny and an uncle is and then next time then say call me aunty he will go but you not my dads sister are you really loudly hopefully.

InTheNightKitchen Fri 15-Jul-11 08:05:44

YANBU, but:
Some people call their parents' siblings Auntie and Uncle.
Some people call all older relatives, parents' cousins, cousins that are much older, etc. Auntie and Uncle.
Some people call any adult who their family knows well Auntie or Uncle, including friends and so on.

It seems like a bit weird of your X, not sure what people wil think if your DC refers to them in public as her father and her Auntie.

PonceyMcPonce Fri 15-Jul-11 08:10:33

Yes, dad and auntie holding hands etc v weird.

And of course you have negative feelings re this woman. Who wouldn't

LizaTarbucksAuntie Fri 15-Jul-11 08:20:12

YANBU

You reacted normally under the circumstances.

On the other hand, you are better off without him

YANBU about tattoos either...

euphrosyne Fri 15-Jul-11 08:23:15

YANBU, she has no relationship to your DS
I would insist she is called bitch by her name only

YABalittleU for your reaction. Stick to your decision to be civil, at least in front of DS, and don't spoil all the effort you made so far.

It sounds a bad situation to be in sad
Good luck!

bubblesincoffee Fri 15-Jul-11 08:26:24

YANBU, but that's because she's not his auntie, and may end up being his step Mum. So it's just wierd.

Yabu for not wanting her to be called Auntie because of what she did, the blame is his not hers.

Callisto Fri 15-Jul-11 08:28:26

I think it is very odd that anyone would want to be called aunty/uncle unless they actually are. I also think you need to chill out a bit - so much hatred is not good for you or your children. I can see why you would be very pissed off though. Can you not point out to your ex how weird it is?

noddyholder Fri 15-Jul-11 08:30:23

Yanbu to not want him to call her auntie but calling her names is unreasonable as he had the affair and is tight with money not her.

Chipotle Fri 15-Jul-11 08:42:32

YANBU. I hate it when anyone who is not an Auntie or Uncle is referred to or refers to themselves as Auntie or Uncle for the sake of it. In this situation it's
Much worse. You need to speak to your ex.

canistartagainplease Fri 15-Jul-11 08:51:01

Calmly explain to your little one that this person is not his auntie, because they haveto be blood related for that , either your sister or brother or his sister or brother.
Does ds have any real ones for comparison ?

cory Fri 15-Jul-11 09:06:18

It might be weird for someone of your ex' culture (assuming that you are white British), but please don't go telling your ds that noone can call someone Aunt or Uncle unless they are blood related, as this is perfectly normal behaviour in many ethnic groups in the UK; your ds could really upset his mates if he starts saying this to them. (I grew up calling unrelated adults Uncle and Aunt- not at all weird in my culture; I also had to curtsey to them).

More importantly, you have to decide how you are going to deal with your feelings about your ex' betrayal without projecting your feelings onto your ds. It must be immensely hurtful for you- but it is your hurt and not your ds' and it is going to make him very unhappy if you signal to him that he has to hate the woman who may become his stepmum.

canistartagainplease Fri 15-Jul-11 09:28:26

Agree , there are areas where anuties/uncles are just close friends of your parents.
I had one, brought up in the north(yes white british) and its normal, but in other areas its not the accepted custom ,and certainly in this case if its not comfortable for one parent then dont do it.
Goinfg back to the definition is good for everyone one concerned. Particularly if it is hurtful for one and therefore not acceptable for each parent. Also if she sticks about,how does auntie becomes stepmum? or is auntie disposable if they break up?

Chen23 Fri 15-Jul-11 09:32:28

"Yabu for not wanting her to be called Auntie because of what she did, the blame is his not hers."

No blame at all for entering into a relationship with someone who was married with a baby?

Would you be that charitable with someone who your dh left you for, leaving you on your own with a baby and PND?

noddyholder Fri 15-Jul-11 09:37:01

I have lots of 'nieces' and 'nephews' who aren't related to me.Most of my close friends kids refer to me and dp as aunt and uncle

springboksaplenty Fri 15-Jul-11 09:40:17

I'll echo cory - in my culture it is a sign of respect to call older people / parent's friends aunt and uncle. So for me it seems perfectly reasonable to call her auntie.

But I can understand why you don't like her, but you have been doing the right thing to try and keep it civil.

L8rAllig8r Fri 15-Jul-11 09:43:52

The blame is definitely his too, I agree but I used to take DS into the place where they both worked and she knew me, knew DS, knew our situation and did it anyway. So I do put blame on her too. If I could tell ex exactly what I think of him I would, but I only see him briefly at pickup and dropoff when DS is there so I have to keep a lid on it. As I walked off yesterday I had a nagging feeling that I hadn't handled it very well, but in the heat of the moment I just felt I needed to get away from there or I would go batshit at him! No doubt he will try and turn it all back on me and say I am the unreasonable one for going mad about it, so just wanted to get some more opinions! Relieved that it seems I'm not being too unreasonable to hate the auntie thing. Not sure what will happen next, I think I will just say nothing and wait for him to get in touch about seeing DS.

I think I've made it all too easy for him since we split and he thinks he can just do what he likes. I'm definitely going to take a much tougher attitude with him in future.

brownleatherbrogues Fri 15-Jul-11 09:45:04

its up to your OH want he wants the boy to call her tbh

i think you are coming across as unreasonable, even though I appreciate your anger

brownleatherbrogues Fri 15-Jul-11 09:45:54

If I could tell ex exactly what I think of him I would

Im over him

I would suggest you arent anywhere near "over him"

DamselInDisarray Fri 15-Jul-11 09:47:48

I grew up calling my parents friends auntie and uncle, and various elderly relatives who weren't my grandparents. I don't get my kids to do this though as it seems odd now, but it was normal when I was growing up.

This situation is quite different though, and it seems a bit odd. You probably have to resign yourself to the possibility that this woman will be your DS's step-mum in time, but most kids refer to their step-parents by their first name alone. There isn't really any point in hanging on to your anger about the relationship your ex started with this woman. She is clearly going to be involved in your DS's life; staying angry is only going to make you (and possibly your DS) less happy.

L8rAllig8r Fri 15-Jul-11 09:50:06

Thinking he's a dickhead for how he behaved does not mean I want him back! For many, many reasons I am far happier now, and much better off without him. Doesn't mean I've forgiven or forgotten what he did! When I say over him, I mean over any romantic feelings. That is all.

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