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to feel shocked and let down by my mum?

(26 Posts)
MountainDew Thu 14-Jul-11 23:42:21

My mother lives on the other side of the world. She moved there when my son was weeks old. Hasn't seen him since.

She is coming over to the UK for a few weeks soon. There is a religious celebration thing (2 weeks long) that she is going to whilst over here. TBH she is coming for that, not for us. (Her children and grandchildren). Following the celebration thing she is coming to see us for a week before flying home.

With me so far? So she is coming for 3 weeks. The first 2 of which are spent at the other end of the country at the religious thing. 1 is spent with her children/grandchildren.

I was a bit miffed about this in itself.

BUT THEN!!! OMFG. I get confirmation of the dates she is here.

A couple of days after she arrives in the UK is my son's birthday. Her grandchild. She is in the country on his birthday.

She is in the country on his birthday BUT NOT COMING TO SEE HIM!

Is it just me, or is this a bit ... well ... shit?

bibbitybobbityhat Thu 14-Jul-11 23:44:46

Well, presumably she will be at the religious thing at the other end of the country when it is his actual birthday, but will be seeing him a few days later? Am I right?

LunaLovegoodIsOnTheGrass Thu 14-Jul-11 23:45:01

Not just you - it is a bit shit.

BitOfFun Thu 14-Jul-11 23:46:54

Does she normally act like she cares?

ImperialBlether Thu 14-Jul-11 23:46:56

Isn't it great when religion is practised in favour of kindness and love?

MountainDew Thu 14-Jul-11 23:47:44

Yes, she will see him about 12 days later.

But ... Oh I don't know! It still feels shit,

Isn't it?

Sandalwood Thu 14-Jul-11 23:47:48

Can you not try and see it as a good thing that she's here for his birthday?
Okay, not the actual day. But it is near his birthday and she'll hopefully treat him.

squeakytoy Thu 14-Jul-11 23:48:58

How old is your son?

To be fair, if she hasnt seen him before, then missing his birthday is nothing new. If she is at the other end of the country, and likely to be jetlagged, then she cant really leg it up to you, and then back again to whatever her religious thing is, and then back again a few days later.

I can understand you feel a bit hurt, but dont let it spoil the week she will be with you.

MountainDew Thu 14-Jul-11 23:51:20

"Does she normally act like she cares?"

She acts like she is Mother fucking Superior. And everyone is fooled by it. Thinking she is a great mother.

I have HUGE issues with her 'religion' too anyway. (and agree ImperialBlether!)

CMOTdibbler Thu 14-Jul-11 23:53:11

I don't see the big fuss about gps seeing children on ther birthday - tbh, the kids aren't bothered, and she is doing something the other end of the country that is important to her.

Concentrate on making the week she is around pleasant for you all eh ?

glassescase Thu 14-Jul-11 23:53:42

Well, you won't really want her around then, will you?

LadyLibra Thu 14-Jul-11 23:54:01

Is she avoiding his Birthday?

Is that something to do with her faith?

MountainDew Thu 14-Jul-11 23:54:15

Ok, so last post maybe a bit harsh.

It's not like I will do or say anything, or let it ruin what miniscule time we do have. But I am a bit pissed off right now.

Oh please let me be pissed off! Give me tonight at least. wink

QueenStromba Thu 14-Jul-11 23:54:46

What's her 'religion'?

MountainDew Thu 14-Jul-11 23:56:53

CMOTdibbler - "she is doing something at the other end of the country that is important to her."

But more important than us? sad

hester Thu 14-Jul-11 23:56:53

Gwan, be pissed off. I'll sit here and nod vigorously.

Seriously, it is a bit shit and it has obviously upset you.

MountainDew Thu 14-Jul-11 23:58:36

I don't want to out myself (prob given too much away as it is) but her 'religion' is listed as a cult.

ragged Fri 15-Jul-11 00:00:35

I have something similar with my dad.
I think.... shocked is unfair. Some people aren't really into being grandparents, and I reckon my dad finds my children too much work, he likes to do things in his own way and not have to plan his days around all their needs, too.
But if you feel let down, just tell her as much, and let her decide if she wants to make it up to you in another way.

LadyLibra Fri 15-Jul-11 00:01:22

Ok,I think I know what faith she practices.

Birthdays are not celebrated, so won't be important to her.

I hope I have guessed correctly,it would explain her behaviour -although not excuse it.

ragged Fri 15-Jul-11 00:01:53

Ah, "cult" -- how bad a rep does this cult have? Do you think it's unbalanced her priorities?

ragged Fri 15-Jul-11 00:02:47

Oh, if it's THAT cult, I'm a bit sniffy about it myself (it did estrange my cousin from many close relatives for a few years). I don't feel generous about it.

MountainDew Fri 15-Jul-11 00:08:19

I'm not sure about birthdays tbh. They don't put much focus on family really. I think they de-value family relationships in favour of religious ones. Like family is a barrier to your spiritual progression.

ragged - I know what you are saying, but I don't think it applies in this case. And even if it did, I still feel that for 3 weeks out of 3 years, a grandparent's days could be planned round the grandchildren.

giggly Fri 15-Jul-11 00:11:25

I'll sit and nod with hester as well. The festival is being held not to far from my home so maybe she will feel the disapprovalwink

ragged Fri 15-Jul-11 00:12:03

Like family is a barrier to your spiritual progression.
Yup, that is precisely the experience we had, too.
Funny because there's a XX family just down the road that has like 9+ kids (in a small house, too), but they don't seem very happy with themselves, either.

LadyLibra Fri 15-Jul-11 00:13:35

Well I am not sure what religion she is now? smile

Anyway, I'm sorry ...I have had similar things happen in my family along the same lines... My husbands TWIN joined one,and has written his own brother off.

It can sometimes be a very scary and sad situation for family members not involved with the faith.

I hope your son has a Happy Birthday!

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