to be horrified at my boss - wwyd?

[Moulesfrites]

put this in employment issues but it's a bot quiet over there!

Through an emailing accident, my friend and colleague (we are both currently on mat leave) has found out that our boss has referred to her in an email to another colleague as "a fucking piece of shit who stinks of baby sick". This has followed a number of issues where our boss has made things difficult wrt part time work and maternity leave, and has a real issue with maternity in her department. I have posted on here before about her bullying behaviour and the constant disparaging remarks she makes about babies/children/pregnancy etc.

I am appalled on my friends' behalf (and think my boss probably thinks of me in the same way now, though we had a great relationship before I had ds), and she has decided to let it go, as, crucially, our boss is leaving and will be gone by the time my friend returns from mat leave. Would this usually be a disciplinary matter? Would you raise it with someone higher if you were my friend? I just cant stop thinking about this and it has really changed the way I see my boss and the respect I once had for her.

[G1nger]

I'd see if I could have a confidential discussion with the HR person to help to decide next steps.

[ImperialBlether]

Oh god, that is DISGUSTING!

She should definitely report her. Your friend is still employed, this woman is still her boss. She only found out accidentally.

Did you know that we have a legal right to view any email that refers to us in a personal way? Your friend should definitely deal with this. For one thing, she needs to know who agrees with your boss!

How did she find out? What a fantastic accident - this woman has made trouble for her and now has given herself away. No way should your friend ignore it.

Actually, with regard to bullying, you are supposed to report any bullying you know about, too.

[sillyworriedmama]

personally, I think she needs to be reported. Even if she is leaving she is taking her attitude with her and someone else will suffer in the future. Sometimes you need to stand up for what is right, even if it's challenging.

There is no way that using language like that is acceptable and frankly, I would be utterly shocked if I were your friend/colleague, not to mention my confidence returning to work would be shattered (with or without the boss remaining- she's been saying that kind of thing to colleagues I presume will still be there even if she leaves? I'd be terrified that everyone had been agreeing with your ex-boss if I were her, about to go back. Do they all think that? Why hasn't the recipient reported her yet?! how horrible!). Anyway, if I were her friend I would want to show her that she still deserves respect as a mother AND as my friend/colleague.

however, I may feel particularly strongly because when I told my boss I was pregnant, he simply said 'Yes, I can see.' (peering over his nose at me in disgust). He has been very vocal about his disapproval and I've since been told to watch my back now I'm back at work, because redundancies are likely and he is gunning for me. I wish someone was prepared to defend my right to have a baby, and return to work without prejudice - but it takes a big (brave) person to do that (I don't mean that as a criticism to you at all, it's just a fact, it's hard to do - and while it would be nice to feel supported, I don't actually expect my colleagues to do it...). But doing it on my own feels scary, and a losing battle. Truthfully, it's easier to look for another job and leave :( that makes me sad, that in this day and age, it's still such a prejudicial issue. Heaven forbid any of us want a child AND a career...

[mrsfollowill]

This has to be reported- disgraceful behavior from a senior towards her staff. Her attitude stinks! Even though she is leaving, presumably, she may move into another similar role and continue like this towards her new staff.

I would make sure you keep evidence of this so the original email is not deleted by IT once a complaint is made... this is really that attitudes like this still exist. It's plain nasty .

[BustersOfDoom]

She should absolutely be reported. As far as I am aware her current employers could decide to dismiss her even though she is in her notice period AND give a vastly different reference to her new employers. That may not be the path your bosses want to take but it should be reported anyway.

[WhoAteMySnickers]

It's absolutely disgusting and should be reported but that is up to your friend or the recipient of the email.

If she doesn't seem keen to report it there could be all kinds of reasons why she doesn't have the time/energy/inclination.

If you have issues with your boss (and it sounds like you do) then take them up with the relevant person or department but I think you should respect your friends decision not to take her issues further.

[ImperialBlether]

Can you tell us who told you about the email? Was it the recipient?

[bubblesincoffee]

I'd report it. Even if she is leaving, she may well go on to be another Mothers boss.

Ultimately the descision belongs to your friend though, who understandably has more important things going on right now!

[scarlettsmummy2]

report it. What a vile, nasty piece of work.

[HerBeX]

I would report it

a) because she will be someone else's boss somewhere else and make their life a misery if they are a mother

and

b) because someone in that company agrees with her enough not to report her and may well be the sort of shit who would also disadvantage mothers.

She actually sounds like she has mental probs tbh. It really isn't normal to use this sort of language about a colleague.

[Lucyinthepie]

This is a serious disciplinary issue and your friend should report it. As said above, she should report it as a favour to the people who will work for this person in the future.

[Pang]

Definitely she should report it and she will not have to worry about the boss bullying her on her return from mat leave as the boss will be gone anyway.

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

Bloody hell. I am astonished. Was the email from the boss to somebody else in the same organisation?

[Catslikehats]

At least one other person in the organisation thinks that your bosses attitude is acceptable so you really need to report it.

[KenDoddsDadsDog]

Report it - how would you feel knowing she is moving on to do this to other people?

[yawningbear]

It is outrageous, completely abhorent and no matter how difficult it may be for you and your friend you need to report it. You will feel much better when you have, and if you don't you can guarantee it will be one of those things that will prey on your mind well into the future. Goodluck, I hope at least that it is all dealt with professionally.

[CurrySpice]

Quite apart from the issues this woman clearly has, behind the words, I can honesty say that in 20+ years in business I have never encountered an email written in terms even approaching that level of abuse. And although everyone in my industry swears like troopers face-to-face, they would never swear like that in an email. I am shocked and anyone who I have ever worked with / for / managed would be disciplined for that alone

And that's quite apart from the sickening attitude it betrays

I would be tempted to forward it anonymously to her new employers! :o

[rogersmellyonthetelly]

I wouldn't write that about someone out of work let alone in the work place. Report her immediately, life is hard enough as a mother in the workplace without that going on.

[CoffeeIsMyFriend]

Get your friend to take the baby in and get it to puke all over the boss!


In all seriousness, this does need reporting. But you need proof, otherwise the boss will deny it.

Who was the email sent to? Why didnt they report it?

[sunnydelight]

That is absolutely disgusting, and the person she sent the e-mail to is clearly condoning her behaviour if they haven't reported her. That is one of the main reasons I think it needs action tbh, the person who wrote it is leaving but she was clearly confident that others shared her views.

[paulapantsdown]

How does this cow think she got here? Did she hatch out of an egg? What a disgusting attitude. She should deffo be reported for this. Totally unproffessional, I am sure her new bosses would be interseted to hear that she is so dopey when it comes to her email protocol!

[proudfoot]

Report her, definitely.

[RalphGnu]

Please report it. Her attitude is appalling. She needs to be brought up on this. Your poor colleague must be mortified!

[thelittlestkiwi]

That is a pretty extreme email. So the sender must have been quite confident they would get a 'warm' reception from whoever they sent it to. Which suggests a fairly hostile working environment. I really think you need to report this. I assume the recipient isn't leaving?

[ImperialBlether]

Moulesfrites, I hope you don't mind but I went to see if I could find the other thread you mentioned (couldn't find it - can anyone tell me how to search for threads started by someone? I can only find everything someone's said) and saw that you're a teacher - I thought this made it even worse. Is this woman really teaching teenagers?