Out of control child

[rmm]

My dd has a group activity a couple of times a week and due to the distance and length of activity, several mums hang around, some of us with the younger siblings.

There is one particular child who is really rude and badly behaved - i think.

She is constantly snatching my younger dd snacks, she will snatch and run or just hit the snack tin out of my dd hands so it falls to the floor. She also tries to snatch toys or whatever else my dd has.

This child seems to be particularly "difficult" to control and its quite common to see her hit her mum, or have a complete melt down if he mum doesnt do/give her exactly what she wants.
What bothers me is that the mum does nothing!!! She pleads ineffectively with her (and the older child) and they ignore her.

It got to a stage today where she was trying to snatch my dd activity pad and yelling in her face and i stepped in and told her off. She is 2 years older then my dd.

The mum just stood there and did nothing and when the session was over grabbed her kids and almost ran out.

I feel really sorry for the mum - i think she is basically a nice person, but her daughter is driving me nuts. So what do i do? I hate the thought of having to face this child a couple of times a week for the rest of the year!

[AgentZigzag]

What age are you talking about though?

[youarekidding]

Be firm with the child. You don't have to raise your voice or even tell her off. Just simply say 'thats DD's snack, please leave it alone'. Maybe she needs help on how to play? Could you encourage/ show her how to play nicely with your DD?

yanbu btw to be fed up.

[kayah]

can you go for a walk or wait in the car for a bit?

[rmm]

Agentzigzag - my dd is 2 and the other child is 4

youarekidding - I have tried to encourage her but i've found that the mum feels as though that means i should spend 45 mins then playing with both children whilst she has a chat with the other mums. I wouldnt feel so bad if we shared 'looking' after the kids

kayah - i tried!! But this child seems to be drawn to my dd as a magnet, if we go for a walk she wants to come, if i sit in the car (almost impossible with a 2 year old) she wants to sit with us!

The other kids all share and play really well together. But they are the same age as my dd and the mums are quite firm with "bad" behaviour.
I wouldnt let my children behave like that and dont feel its my place to discipline someone elses children but i'm really fed up.

[kayah]

well - if she wanted to walk with me
I would take her by hand and handed over to her mum

she is bored, that's all

[AgentZigzag]

It sounds pretty typical for a four year old, but it's up to the mum to tell her not to.

If she's not doing it and it's affecting your DD, then you have to say something as youarekidding has said.

If the mum doesn't like it then invite her to take control herself.

[rmm]

kayah - the mum seems "tired" as though she doesnt have the energy to do things with her kids. I know its hard and she has 2 kids with just a year's age gap, but she never brings a snack or toys for her dd, and i'm starting to resent having to constantly ask dd to share hers.

Agentzigzag - the mum has no control. Her kids run into the car park, and all she does is plead with them to behave. I think i really upset her today - but i'm really fed up.

The worst part is we know each other and our dhs are friends so we do very very ocassionally meet up socially but i tend to avoid these situations and play dates becasue these children are just very hard work to have around. I dont want to create akwardness in the group with the 2 of us "fighting" but i dont like her dd being around mine.

[somewherewest]

I'm not making excuses for the mother or her DD but I wonder whats going on at home? I grew up in a violent home and had a lot of behavioural issues as a result, but the violence was hidden from everyone outside the family...I guess in hindsight most people probably thought that I was just a pain and my mother a terrible parent.