For not wanting to be in this episode of shameless?

[HoleySocks]

DS1 has been invited to a piss up birthday party. He's 11. The birthday boy will be 11 on the day. The problem is that DS has grown up with this boy and does like him, however the lad has been slowly drifting off the rails for the past 2 years and now the little blonde haired, blue eyed boy we once knew and loved is a shaven headed little hooligan who spends his time climbing on shop roofs, throwing stones at people/cars passing by, spitting, swearing, picking tab ends up off the floor and lighting them up and drinking alcohol. I'm not wanting to make my DS out to be an angel but he's nothing like this lad now, he's not even allowed to "lark out" on the streets etc. They're just so different now I kind of want to break contact but DS still wants to be friends. The thing is, last year this -piss up-- party happened and ended with all the adults drunk, the kids out on the streets causing trouble and DS sat on the toilet locked in the bathroom texting me to come and pick him up!!
The house is an absolute tip, I mean I'm not houseproud but the house really is bad with a huge German Shepherd bouncing around, ash-trays everywhere, food/general grime and dirt all over the sofa/walls etc. The garden is a health hazard covered in dog shit and broken glass and the area itself (where the lads eventually drift out when they've had enough of the party) is also dodgy.

This is the last time DS will probably see the boy though as they start secondary school next year but AIBU in just wanting to break all contact now? I just can't be arsed with it to be honest. After I'd picked DS up from the last party to birthday boy ended up with a caution from the police for vandalising and swearing at a police officer and the social services got involved because the lad had been drinking. He was only 10 at the time!!

I feel for the kid but at the same time, I don't want my lad involved. AIBU?

[knittedbreast]

its your ob to giude him, friendships and all. do it descretly

[LaurieFairyCake]

Find something else to do on that day.

They ain't your sort

[HappyDoll]

What knitted said.

Give him a better offer. Give him a 'Wow you've finished primary school' mega treat that takes him out of the vicinity on that date. And an oh no - I've booked without realising the date.

You need to guide him, but be prepared that he is his own person and will eventually make his own decisions

[TheProvincialLady]

I think you happen to be away that weekend, don't you? Nothing would make me allow my DS attend such a party, even if I allowed him to see the friend at other times.

[plupervert]

If you want your DS to break contact himself, letting him go to this party could be the best way to do it, as long as you're sure he's not going to be in danger...

[TheProvincialLady]

Plupervert it sounds like he will be in danger to me. His friend could well be into glue sniffing and goodness knows what else by now, if he has been smoking tab ends off the floor since ten. I would not take the risk.

[redexpat]

Sounds like your son has got a good head on his shoulders and rings for help when he's out of his depth. Well done you for raising him! I agree with plupervert that this may be the best way to end the friendship.

[ApocalypseCheeseToastie]

Agree with the others, be busy on that day

Feel sorry for the other kid tho, poor sod hasn't got a chance

[fastweb]

Is there a day out or a specific shop your son has wanted to visit for ages ?

I'm dragging my heels visiting a shop miles away that sells special Yu Gi Oh cards. But in your situation I would be finding an unexpected desire to go. Unfortunately the only time available would clash with the party. Although I wouldn't mention that when making my offer. Just dangle the carrot cos I know DS would bite.

I don?t vet DS?s friends with a heavy hand, I have let him go where the people or the party style has been out of my comfort zone. But I think ?red flag? zones need a different strategy and calling from a bathroom in a house of drunk adults would qualify as red flag. YANBU.