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To find this behaviour a little possessive/threatening?

(20 Posts)
EatenTooMuch Thu 14-Jul-11 14:17:47

DP Lives about 15 minutes drive from me. I text him to ask if I could borrow his keyboard as I was having piano lessons and couldn't afford a piano/keyboard. He text back asking who was giving me lessons. I replied saying "just a friend". Then DS text me saying he'd left the club he was at and would I go and pick him up. I replied "Ok, on my way x". However somehow this text went to DP. I text him immediately afterwards saying "sorry about that, wrong person lol" and thought no more of it. I then got a text from DP saying "why who is it for??? a kiss on the end??? where are you going??" Before I had chance to reply to that I got another text saying " and which 'friend' is giving you lessons???" hmm
I was driving by this point so I left it until I'd parked and then sent a text saying "chill out! I was picking DS up, that's who the text was for!" so he replied saying "Ok sorry, but who is giving you piano lessons?"

AIBU to think this is a little scary??

Hufflepuzzpig Thu 14-Jul-11 14:24:48

Erm, yes a little bit. Is he impatient about other stuff? That would make it slightly less worrying I think confused

EatenTooMuch Thu 14-Jul-11 14:25:52

He is a bit controlling and paranoid yes. Doesn't like me talking to other males.

oohjarWhatsit Thu 14-Jul-11 14:26:13

depends

would you get arsy if you got a text from him, ambiguous with a kiss at the end?

EatenTooMuch Thu 14-Jul-11 14:27:11

No I wouldn't get arsey. I would maybe put "lol who was it meant for?" because I would naturally wonder but he came across really aggressive about it.

M0naLisa Thu 14-Jul-11 14:30:14

yes very paranoid.

robingood19 Thu 14-Jul-11 14:33:08

a bit dodgy

sunshineandbooks Thu 14-Jul-11 14:33:17

YANBU. This is a major red flag, especially since you are not living together or married. Why on earth is it any of his business who is giving you piano lessons? Ok if it's asked in a polite, interested way (as in because it's something you enjoy and therefore he wants to support you and ask questions about how it's going, whether your teacher is nice, etc), but to give you the third degree is possessive, controlling, an invasion of your privacy and doesn't bode well for the future. And I put a single X on the end of all my texts to friends. To assume that means you're up to no good is ridiculous (and worrying).

Tchootnika Thu 14-Jul-11 14:34:32

It's certainly quite paranoid and possessive (and sounds very irritating), but 'threatening' probably only if it's part of wider range of behaviour that's more heavily controlling, IMO.

steamedtreaclesnape Thu 14-Jul-11 14:34:36

He doesn't like you even talking to other men?

Yes - possessive, controlling, wanker.

Allinabinbag Thu 14-Jul-11 14:40:27

I completely disagree, your reply 'just a friend' is a bit ambiguous (why not say 'Sally' or 'John' or 'the lady down the road'). Why say 'just a friend' when it kind of implies not wanting to tell them who? This then led him to bark up the wrong tree when he saw your 'on my way x' text.

Unless he has a history of controlling behaviour, I would put it down to a mistake. A history of it must be interpreted differently.

I once saw a text early on in my relationship with my now husband that referred to wanting to see 'his big one'. I went completely mental thinking it was some sexual reference, until it became clear it was from a male friend, wanting to see his large telescope. Texts are the worst for misunderstandings.

Allinabinbag Thu 14-Jul-11 14:41:56

Sorry, just seen your post that he is controlling, in which case ignore my interpretation and tell him to do one over this. However, saying things like 'just a friend' to a controlling jealous type of man will send them over the edge. I don't think you should change your behaviour, though, he needs to change his.

MrSpoc Thu 14-Jul-11 14:42:49

doesnt sound that bad to me.

If he has a good keyboard, i take it he can play and was wondering why you didnt ask him to teach you. Why be cloak and dagger about it, just tell him who is teaching you.

How long have you been with him?

Hufflepuzzpig Thu 14-Jul-11 14:44:36

Oh dear, given your subsequent posts, yes it is worrying.

You probably knew that when you started the thread though? sad

What are you going to do? Have you ever confronted his behaviour?

DELHI Thu 14-Jul-11 14:44:44

Try speaking instead of texting - far less likely to lead to misunderstanding IMO

DogsBestFriend Thu 14-Jul-11 14:47:21

Another red flag here.

From past experience I'd say that a man who reacts like this and who doesn't like you talking to other men is to be avoided.

It's not always the case of course but far too often such behaviour worsens over time and when it does it quite often developes into violence. He'd be booted out straight away if he were my boyfriend.

DogsBestFriend Thu 14-Jul-11 14:47:49

Pah! "Develops!"

VelveteenRabbit Thu 14-Jul-11 14:53:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

It might be a little controlling but at the same time I can see why he was a bit annoyed about the "just a friend" comment.

It's a bit like when DH is on the computer and we manage to annoy each other with conversations like this:

Me: What are you doing?
DH: I'm on the computer.
Me (annoyed): I can see that.
DH (annoyed): Then why ask?

Usually I'm asking because I want him to check ebay or something and the "I'm on the computer" answer annoys me. I just want a proper answer, whether it's "playing games on facebook" or "doing something important for work."

Sometimes it's just a way to make conversation with a man who has been staring at a screen for hours. If it's work, I know to leave him in peace to get on with it, games on facebook can be chatted through.

I tried turning the tables on him once when I was typing on mumsnet. He asked what I was doing and I said "typing." Turns out that kind of answer annoys him just as much as it annoys me grin

But your partner was probable expecting a proper reply and "just a friend" would probably annoy me a bit too. I wouldn't care if the friend was male or female, but I would like to have a name or even a "my friend X from work" or wherever, just because it's a nicer and easier conversation than the one you had.

thisisyesterday Thu 14-Jul-11 15:43:28

i think on its own it would be nothing to worry about, i can imagine having a moment of paranoia and going a bit silly, especially if you aren't one of these people who generally put an "x" at the end of every single text iyswim?

so i wouldn't think much of that.... BUT if he is controlling about other things, which it sounds like he is then well, yes that would worry me

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