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Is my husband being unreasonable?

(23 Posts)
Ivortheengine8 Thu 14-Jul-11 08:36:41

Last night DH had a late meeting at work so he got home about 9pm.
I went to bed about 10.30pm
About half an hour later I was woken by him shouting at someone on the phone in the living room.
I didn't hear all of the conversation but basically his cousin was waiting at a station somewhere (here in London) and was calling to come around and stay the night.
Apparently he had sent DH a message a few days ago saying he would be coming but I don't think had called to confirm ect. The 'cousin' had come down from Wales especially to see him for the night and he was going back today.
Anyway DH was very annoyed and the cousin said he would sleep at the station which is where he stayed all night I think.

DH was obviously very tired and had to get up at 6 this morning for work. We had not prepared a bed or anythign because he hadn't said he was coming, or at least I didn't know anything about it. He was obviously at some station a fair while away from us in London.

DH called him this morning to see if he had 'survived' the night and said he was sorry he had shoutd at him etc....

I feel awful that his cousin had to sleep at the station in London somewhere and wonder if my DH should have gone to pick him up regardless of the time.

DH's family are Nigerian and we are accustomed to family turning up 3-4 hours late,not turning up at all and being a bit flippant when it comes to this sort of thing. I would have been ready to get out of bed and quickly make the cousin up a bed if DH had gone to find him but I can also understand why DH was angry.

Punkatheart Thu 14-Jul-11 08:44:04

No I would not have left someone at the station. Dangerous, cold and just scary for them. He could have been arrested for vagrancy, or knifed. But surely he could have caught a taxi to your house?

Family can be really annoying, but they are family.

Karbea Thu 14-Jul-11 08:45:55

I think the cousin should have stayed at yours, dh could have arranged a cab etc if he'd been driking.

But families are funny aren't they...

SenoritaViva Thu 14-Jul-11 08:48:47

Surely there was still some public transport at that time and the cousin could have got closer to your home? (last tube, night bus etc.) Or a taxi?

Difficult, because the cousin didn't really behave in the best way but still, I also wouldn't have left someone to sleep at the station. Perhaps DH's family will now learn to confirm if they want to come and stay?!

Ivortheengine8 Thu 14-Jul-11 08:49:00

He doesnt drink karbea and he has a car.
Families are funny! His is a bit complicated actually!
Punk, I agree. He tried to tell me about it this morning and I didn't have much to say. If I drove I would have gone and got him myself.

FetchezLaVache Thu 14-Jul-11 08:52:17

I think your DH was maybe a bit U to have let him sleep rough, but his cousin was incredibly U to have a) not made sure you knew he was coming and b) timed his journey so that he would arrive in Lunnon at 11pm! Maybe he'll be a bit more considerate next time...

Ivortheengine8 Thu 14-Jul-11 08:52:57

I don't know Senorita, I don't know if he even knew how to get here on the tube and it was quite late so not sure if there would have been much transport at that time. A taxi probably would have cost near to £40 at that time of night,maybe he didn't have it on him, I don't know.

spookshowangel Thu 14-Jul-11 08:55:37

i wouldnt have left a dog i didnt particularly like to sleep at a train station over night, let alone a member of my family. your husband was vu and rude and just not nice to boot. surprise or not i would have gone. am i wrong??

mummytime Thu 14-Jul-11 09:03:36

I doubt it would have cost £40 (thats the Taxi fare from Heathrow to my house outside London). An adult male could have worked out how to get themselves to your house (I did at 17, after someone gave me a "helpful" lift which resulted in me missing the last tube home, and dumped me in central London).

Your husband was BU as well to just tell him to stay at the station.

squeakytoy Thu 14-Jul-11 09:51:29

A taxi fare from central london could easily cost £40. We only live 12 miles from the centre and it is at least that much in a cab home.

There are plenty of night buses though, and the trains and tubes run quite late.

I still think Ops husband was rude and unreasonable though to just leave someone on their own.

diddl Thu 14-Jul-11 10:44:58

Well, when the cousin first contacted with the arrangements, did they say when & what time they would arrive?

Are they one of the ones who has previously been hrs late/not turned up?

If the answers are yes & no, then I think that your husband wbvu.

I think it depends what was said at the first contact as to whether or not confirmation was needed.

CrapolaDeVille Thu 14-Jul-11 10:52:04

No matter what you don't leave someone to sleep rough.

skybluepearl Thu 14-Jul-11 10:53:55

i don't understand why your DH was angry. infact i think your dh was very rude and should have offered cousin a bed. there was clearly a misunderstanding as cousin thought he had informed you both while DH did not. it shouldn't have been a big deal just to let him come anyway.

nomoreheels Thu 14-Jul-11 11:01:08

Why on earth would he travel to arrive for 11 pm to "see him for the night" & go back today? How bizarre. I definitely wouldn't have let him sleep rough but would have been quite put out. I'd have expected much better communication from him about the visit, cultural/family issues regardless. You don't just email & turn up.

Blu Thu 14-Jul-11 11:07:26

But if your DH got the text to say he was coming, then didn't tell you, didn't receive a message to the contrary, why was he surprised?

Your DH, when he got the text, should have texted back to say 'not a good night - working late, out early come another time', OR told you all about it, asked if you were OK to host cousin, etc.

Cousin and DH sound as unreliable and mad as each other - stay out of it and let them get on with it!

M0naLisa Thu 14-Jul-11 11:10:02

yes your DH WBU to let his cousin sleep at a train station in London all night.

nadia77 Thu 14-Jul-11 11:13:35

your dh was wrong regardless of time he should of made arrangments for him to sleep at yours anything could of happened to him. after all he is family

CinnabarRed Thu 14-Jul-11 11:15:49

Your DH WBU to let someone sleep at the station, no matter what.

The cousin may also HBU, depending on what his original text to your DH said. If it said something like "Will be on the train that gets in at 5" and then he turned up at 11, then the cousin WalsoBU. If the cousin didn't specify then it was up to your DH to either confirm details or rearrange for another night.

Glitterknickaz Thu 14-Jul-11 11:22:18

I can't believe your DH did that to his cousin!

sausagesandmarmelade Thu 14-Jul-11 12:18:04

Yes...I think your DH was being unreasonable, especially as this poor guy had left a message to say that he was coming.

I feel really sorry for him....he may not make the effort to visit him.

Your husband has a lot of making up to do....perhaps he should go to visit him next time....and treat him.

sausagesandmarmelade Thu 14-Jul-11 12:23:02

I meant "he may not make the effort to visit your DH again"

After being shouted at...he probably was reluctant to get a cab....but decided to wait it out at the station and then travel back home.

How awful!

Ivortheengine8 Thu 14-Jul-11 16:38:28

I know, I have been out most of the day and I still keep thinking about it, I feel really about about it. DH has been at work all day so havent seen him yet but if it crops up tonight in the conversation I will tell him.
He hadn't given any time he would turn up. I don't even know if he had said he was coming on wednesday. I will need to get more info first before I know the whole story. DH didnt 'want' him to sleep at the station but I think the conversation ended in a bit of an argument and it was just left like that - that still doesnt make it right though.
We actually only have two rooms, our room and DD's(21 months room ) so he would have had to sleep in with DD or on the sofa but it would at least have put a roof over his head.

diddl Thu 14-Jul-11 16:47:55

Well if people phone up about visits without days & time, then your husband needs to sort that out also.

But I agree he shouldn´t have left him.

I get that he was tired-although not too tired to still be up & then argue!

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