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to not want to make a speech at my mother's birthday party?

(9 Posts)
hebejebe Wed 13-Jul-11 21:22:44

Just received an email from my new sil who is organising my mother's 70th birthday party asking if I would make a speech at the party. As a bit of backstory, I have a fairly fraught relationship with my mother. She is very self centred, largely unsupportive, critical, very uninterested in my life (always has been) but does seem to want to have a better relationship with me though only on her terms.

She had a family lunch a few months ago for her actual birthday which we (me, dh and 3dc) went to - travelling 400 miles, whereas my brothers and their families live 1 hour away. I was considering not going to the party but had a change of heart as I thought that I was cutting off my nose to spite my face - I do like to see my brothers and nephews and other family members (including my mother, in small doses)! So I decided to make a holiday out of it for me and the kids (dh does not want to come - fair enough).

But, I do not want to make a speech, nor do I want to tell my new sil why (I think she wants us all to be happy families) as I am afraid I will sound bitter and twisted over my mother's lack of affection, love and support and her apparent need to sweep all that under the carpet with false speeches (which I am!).

What can I say to sil that will not cause a rift or give them any cause to think that I have all these negative thoughts towards my mother? I think she's jolly lucky I am going to the party at all.

AgentZigzag Wed 13-Jul-11 21:27:58

'She is very self centred, largely unsupportive, critical, very uninterested in my life (always has been) '

There you are, you've written the core of your speech grin

cjbartlett Wed 13-Jul-11 21:30:24

Just say you'd be too embarrassed and suggest she gets your brother to do it

fatlazymummy Wed 13-Jul-11 21:31:10

Don't feel you have to if you don't want to. You don't have to explain the reasons to your SIL either. Just say you don't do speeches.

PaisleyLeaf Wed 13-Jul-11 21:32:34

"nah. It wouldn't be appropriate" ?

squeakytoy Wed 13-Jul-11 21:33:10

I would just say no, you really arent comfortable doing that sort of thing, and know you just couldnt do it.

MirandaGoshawk Wed 13-Jul-11 21:33:32

Speech-making isn't everyone's cup of tea anyway. Tell SIL "I don't want to, sorry".

hebejebe Wed 13-Jul-11 21:39:14

Thanks all - I like squeaky's suggestion and may just use it verbatim. Unfortunately Zigzag if I was making an honest speech, those sentiments would be at the core of it. I don't think that's the sort of speech she had in mind grin

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Wed 13-Jul-11 21:39:31

Tell your sil that it would be more appropriate for one (or both) of your brothers to give a speech, but that you'll be happy to propose the toast immediately afterwards....

'Ladies, Gentlemen, and Dearly Beloved Relatives, I give you -raise glass aloft- Mother' grin

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