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To find this utterly tasteless?

(54 Posts)
LuckySoph Wed 13-Jul-11 17:59:58

My 14 year old niece referring to her unborn child as 'the cautionary fail' after some stupid joke in a film she's seen.. I've tried talking to her about it and my sister but they refer to me as 'the prude'! Every time I hear her say it I wish I could just slap her with a kipper grab her by the shoulders and give her a good shake. She ruined her life and is not taking it seriously at all!

thursday Wed 13-Jul-11 18:04:21

she probably just thinks its funny. she's pregnant at 14, she has bigger fish to fry than what her aunt thinks about her jokes, like the fact you think she's automatically ruined her life sad

Blu Wed 13-Jul-11 18:04:46

You don't think she manages to find a little humour to get her through?
Does SHE consider her life ruined?
What do you want her to do, crawl on hands and knees to the Magdelen Laundry in sack cloth and ashes ?

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Wed 13-Jul-11 18:06:03

Are you sure?

My children both have autism and you should hear some of the things I laugh about!

Sometimes laughter is a coping mechanism. You laugh or you'd cry. You find the funny in order to cope with a difficult situation.

She's 14. She's pregnant. She'd have to be a total fool to not be scared to death, and I'm sure she is, whether or not she makes stupid jokes. Just be there for her. She'll need your love and support.

TastesLikePanda Wed 13-Jul-11 18:06:04

She isn't even quoting the film correctly - it's a line from Juno when the teen girl mentions her friends at school call her 'The Cautionary Whale' referring to her increasing size.

<pedant>

Hufflepuzzpig Wed 13-Jul-11 18:06:32

FFS. How about supporting her. She's only making the joke as a defense mechanism against judgy people like you I expect.

maypole1 Wed 13-Jul-11 18:06:52

to be honest if your sister thinks that's funny is probably the reason why her child is pregent at 14

don't worry she wont be laughing when she is left holding the baby

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Wed 13-Jul-11 18:08:53

I would be completely bereft at having a fourteen year old daughter who was pregnant. It's not normal, usual and I don't think it should be treated as such. I'm not suggesting 'finger-wagging', that does no good and it's too late but why are such young people having sex? sad

yousankmybattleship Wed 13-Jul-11 18:09:25

I think its a good sign if she can joke about her situation. Clearly she has a lot of very tough times ahead of her (I'm assuming she's keeping it from what you've said) so a sense of humour will get her a long way. Hopefully the other adults in her life will have a slightly more positive approach to life and help her to make sure she hasn't ruined hers!

yousankmybattleship Wed 13-Jul-11 18:11:42

By the way - to the people who are saying that it is dreadful that a 14 year old is pregnant - I couldn't agree more and would be appalled if either of my daughters was so stupid, but it is done now and the best apporach is to help her build a positive future. There is nothing wrong with a bit of black humour and it can be very healthy.

fatlazymummy Wed 13-Jul-11 18:19:49

She han't ruined her life. She will have plenty of opportunities in the future, if she wishes to take them.
People of this age have sex because of biology really. It is what we were designed to do. Young people have always had sex, it's just more open nowadays.

LuckySoph Wed 13-Jul-11 18:20:30

I don't mean to be judgmental of her, I'm just gutted about the direction her life seems to be going in. When she was younger she was very much about independence and wanted to go off travelling when she's old enough before having a career like her favourite aunt (I am 25 and we used to be very close) but at 12 (12!!!!) she started paying more attention to what her friends thought and, of course, what gets the boys attention. Now all she talks about is getting a council flat and getting her grant and benefits like a couple of her older (16 & 17) friends have with their babies. And my sister is adamant she must learn from her own mistakes. So yes, with the way she talks about careers and travelling (like she couldn't care less) compared to the way she plans to spend her future benefits, I do feel like she's ruined her life, or at least the next several years of it.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Wed 13-Jul-11 18:22:21

She has changed her life, not ruined it. It will not be the life she might otherwise have had. But it is not a ruined life.

Peachy Wed 13-Jul-11 18:23:45

Her life isn;t ruined BUT everything will be harder. there are people who have amde successes of themselves though and tbh telling someone they ahev ruined their life is not going to instill in them the confidence to overcome the extra hurdles they have.

The more time you spend with people who have extra hurdles the more you discover a unique dark humour; the Sn community ahs it in spades and it is a coping mechanism and a survival strategy,

Sirzy Wed 13-Jul-11 18:26:36

You can't change what has happened, if joking about things is her coping mechanism then fine, she will need it in the coming months (and years)

thursday Wed 13-Jul-11 18:31:32

i understand, i would be in no way thrilled if my daughter was pregnant at 14, and i'd mourn all those missed opportunities too. cant be changed though. maybe her humour really is immaturity and she doesnt comprehend quite what she has in store, or maybe she's terrified and cracking jokes. either way what she needs is oodles of support and someone to encourage not to just give up on all the other things she wanted to do. they're still possible but going to be much harder.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Wed 13-Jul-11 18:33:20

If she hasn't 'ruined her life' she's certainly put up plenty of obstacles that will make her life more difficult than it needs to be. She didn't need to get pregnant at 14. Sorry, fatlazymummy but a 14 year old has no business being pregnant or even having sex. Is that not statutory rape? There's a reason for the age limits and humans are not animals; we don't have to act on animal impulses.

No, there's no point making the girl miserable but it's not just about her, not any more. There is now a child involved, an innocent, who is going to be born to somebody who doesn't have the wherewithall to support him/her and is still a child themselves. That's not great. I can't help feeling that there are too many people who treat it as 'no big deal', it is. It's a heck of a big deal and maybe if there wasn't the complete acceptance of it from some, young people would think about their actions and the consequences a bit more. sad

LaWeasleyAintWeaselyAnymore Wed 13-Jul-11 18:39:49

Of course it's a big deal, but once they're already pregnant it doesn't help to have a negative attitude (in fact it will make things much worse)

If you want her to suceed, you can't act like she's ruined her life, and she can't either.

You have to help her see that having a baby so young doesn't HAVE to mean a life of council flats and benefits, and that actually, it would be a lot more exciting/fulfilling if it wasn't.

LuckySoph Wed 13-Jul-11 18:40:20

I've never told her i think she's ruined her life. Ever. I've said it on here because I needed to vent about it. What I said to her was that she needs to take this more seriously. I've also told her I'm her for her whenever she needs. It makes me so angry that they laugh and joke about it. I remember all my high school and uni experiences and I'm so saddened that she will miss out in those during the years...

kreecherlivesupstairs Wed 13-Jul-11 18:45:48

Without wanting to be too judgey, OP do you actually have children yourself?

LaWeasleyAintWeaselyAnymore Wed 13-Jul-11 18:46:45

Why does she have to be serious all the time?

Would you expect a pregnant person of any other age to ALWAYS be serious? PG women on MN spend a huge amount of time taking the piss out of themselves, and I don't really feel that your niece is any different. It isn't a reflection of how she will cope with a baby.

activate Wed 13-Jul-11 18:50:32

I think that's funny

"cautionary fail" grin

it's perfect actually

good on them for dealing with her unplanned pregnancy with good humour

TheSecondComing Wed 13-Jul-11 18:51:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

activate Wed 13-Jul-11 18:52:12

shock, horror - people with children can get educated, university, have a career

if they have supportive people around them of course

yes it's more difficult - but overcoming obstacles leads to success and a life of being able to overcome obstacles

an unplanned teenage pregnancy is not a life sentence it's an opportunity

spookshowangel Wed 13-Jul-11 18:54:56

she will have a very different life a much more grown up life in some ways. it will be a struggle for her and if she chooses to rise to the challenge it could be the making of her and since you are being quite derogative about her only wanting benefits and a council flat unlike her favourite aunty who had a career and travelled, she will have to learn some serious life skills really fast. perhaps once she has the child she will want to be a more positive role model and show that a young mum can achieve more in her life and perhaps not but i do hope you will be more supportive in rl than you sound on here. ultimately may be they see the baby as a happy thing once the decision to have it was made and that is why they laugh and joke about it. i still make jokes about getting knocked up at 17 and i did then people thought i was ruining my life, i dont think it could be further from the truth, different yes but i dont regret anything and i hope your niece will feel the same.

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