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To feel judged

(16 Posts)
Fuzzled Wed 13-Jul-11 17:57:11

My DS is 10mo. I am part of a group of mums that meet (follow on from a post natal group that we outgrew) and we take turns hosting the group at our houses. DS is the first one of the children to crawl/pull up and generally start investigating his surroundings.
However, we have a bit of an issue in that he is very inquisitive and this extends to the toys the other children are playing with; DS is constantly trying to see what they have and tries to take it away from them. It's not malicious (I don't think it can be at 10mo!) but I am trying to teach him by saying no, takin the toy he's pinched away and returning it to the child who had it and then offering him a different toy to distract him.
My problem is that every time he does it, several of the mums get the "cats bum" face and stare at me as if I should have prevented it happening. Now I do monitor DS and try to head him off, but sometimes he looks interested in the toy he has, and then 2 seconds later he's away with someone else's!
AIBU to feel a bit upset that the mums are acting this way?

thursday Wed 13-Jul-11 18:00:16

YANBU to be put out that you're getting the cats bum over a 10 month old being a 10 month old. are they all on PFB? once theirs are up and terrorising the world at large they'll realise that they're being stupid. or, if they have one that just sits there and doesn't do much they'll pat themselves on the back for being superb parents.

fedupofnamechanging Wed 13-Jul-11 18:00:55

I think that as long as you are not letting your DS take toys away from other children and are trying to teach him not to, then no one should be giving you the cats bum mouth face. What your DS is doing is perfectly normal and when their babies start doing it too, they may change how they view things.

Try not to feel too sensitive about it - you (and your DS) are not doing anything 'wrong'.

Teaandcakeplease Wed 13-Jul-11 18:01:13

Well you can't be certain what they're truly thinking. Some of your thoughts maybe your own insecurities perhaps? Although that maybe based on the fact I worry about what others mum's think of me and sometimes over analyse facial expressions etc blush

They will all see soon enough how things are with a mobile toddler wink Your idea of distraction is a brilliant plan with another toy. I used to do that.

Are they worried about germs? As lots of babies put everything in their mouth perhaps?

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Wed 13-Jul-11 18:03:58

Even if they are doing it, it will disappear as soon as their children are up and about. And they'll feel pretty silly for judging you (if they are)

breatheslowly Wed 13-Jul-11 18:08:35

YANBU - my DD is the same age and all of our post natal group's babies do this to some extent, its just normal baby behaviour and I am not sure how much more you could do.

youarekidding Wed 13-Jul-11 18:25:05

YANBU. DS decided to walk at this age. I was proud of him for about 2 days grin then spent every meet up with other parents trapsing around after him, putting ornaments out of the way, taking back toys he'd pinched and moving cups of hot coffee out of the way.

I did get a lot of cats bum faces until ..................One of the others started to walk a few weeks later and the Mum said she was no longer going to out the ornaments I'd kept moving back when I left. grin

Your handling it perfectly IMO, it's just at this age they remember for all of about 5 seconds grin

MilyP Wed 13-Jul-11 18:41:10

YANBU to not like catsbum face. But can't you just say to your friends what you have said here?

Fuzzled Wed 13-Jul-11 20:36:32

I'd love to say some of this to them... but I have a complete fear of difficulty in talking to people due to past events in my life. (Which may also be why I think they're making disapproving faces, so Teaandcakeplease may well be right sad)
We haven't really been at other people's houses since DS started his one man terror campaign crawling as the mums haven't really baby proofed for a crawler so I wanted them to see DS in his own safe environment so they had some clue about the difficulties - and to be honest I am more terrified about the safety than the cats bum faces. confused
We'll just have to see how it goes this week...

JamieAgain Wed 13-Jul-11 20:51:11

Meeting up with a load if insecure competitive ignorant friends with babies all the same age. My idea of hell. Even if they aren't disapproving it's really hard. Wait til they are all 2 and biting each other.

<happy this phase has passed>

YANBU

JamieAgain Wed 13-Jul-11 20:52:14

Someone I know called DS1 a "bully" at this age for similar behaviour ....

moomaa Wed 13-Jul-11 21:03:42

They will soon get past this, they probably are cheesed off about it, they worry about him hurting their lo, germs maybe, their stuff......and YANBU.

I think you have to keep him off other little ones though, easier said than done I know.

Fuzzled Wed 13-Jul-11 21:08:00

Actually, he doesn't go for them, just the toy that they are holding. However, they go for him... confused
Hmm... maybe I cats bum them at this point... blush

Teaandcakeplease Thu 14-Jul-11 19:04:12

It's so hard. My son is 2 now and is certainly tricky right now. I worry about what other mum's think, with his mayhem right now too. But you do sound like you're doing great!

Ilythia Thu 14-Jul-11 20:01:53

yy, wait until they start smacking each other. Then they will feel bad for their cats bum faces.

I knew I had found a decent playgroup when DD2 and another boy started fighting over a toy. He hit DD2. She bit him.
I was mortified but she was very apologetic but still 'meh' kids fight, that will teach him not to hit' about it, which is how it should be.

MrsBloomingTroll Thu 14-Jul-11 21:43:20

When the babies in my ante-natal/post-natal group got to this stage I found it very tough because I was one of the mums more willing to act as "host" but kept finding my house being trashed by the other kids (my DD was one of the last to get mobile in the group).

We resolved it by finding a drop-in activity on neutral territory where we could all be together and chat but it didn't matter so much.

As your child has reached this stage first, maybe you can take the initiative to find a parent/toddler group, soft play or library music/story session which enables you all to meet without one particular child's toys being targeted?

FWIW, next summer will be easier because all of your kids will be mobile enough to play outside together, whether in your gardens or in playgrounds and parks.

In the meantime, I would strongly advise breaking away from meeting in each others' houses. Good luck!

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