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to hate myself for leaving my baby with a childminder

(14 Posts)
Filibear Wed 13-Jul-11 13:50:59

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oohjarWhatsit Wed 13-Jul-11 13:52:13

can you afford to give up work?

Filibear Wed 13-Jul-11 13:53:46

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oohjarWhatsit Wed 13-Jul-11 13:54:36

not much you can do then

just be glad he seems happy

ginnybag Wed 13-Jul-11 13:56:37

Hang on in there, it will get better!

I went through exactly the same thing when I first left my little girl with her childminder. Cried my eyes out after pick up for the first three days - the house was so empty it felt like she'd died!

Now, although I get the odd pang that I'm not spending time with her, I know that it's a good thing that she's happy with her CM. That she cries when she has to come home means I've got the right person to leave her with.

It will get better. It will. Keep telling yourself that and before you know it, it'll be part of the norm and you'll be fine.

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange Wed 13-Jul-11 13:57:13

It's a tough time for both of you, believe me it's harder when they cry when you drop them off. Just be a little thankful he has taken so well to her. And it doesn't mean he doesn't live you.

Allinabinbag Wed 13-Jul-11 14:00:11

I also had a very strong emotional reaction to someone else caring for my child when I went back at 7 months, I don't see it mentioned much on MN so I thought I must be one of the odder ones (e.g. I wasn't remotely pleased if my daughter liked her carers initially) I just wanted to be that special person they held their arms out to etc. I don't feel like that now, it did wear off and I was able to see over time that it was actually better for them to be attached to someone else too, and that I was still special mummy.

Scholes34 Wed 13-Jul-11 14:02:45

Been there, felt like that. You're not the only person going through this at the moment, so don't beat yourself up. You can't do it all and compromises are always needed. It will get easier.

dowhat Wed 13-Jul-11 14:03:01

Oh I really do feel for you hug
I went back to work when my daughter was 5 and a half months and it was difficult, but it does get better I promise!

But YABU to hate yourself - stop that now!

Loie159 Wed 13-Jul-11 14:04:39

dont be sad..... both of mine went to Cm at 4 months as I run my own business. It broke my heart both times but there was no one else to do the work so I had no choice. Yes they creied when I left but I know CM were good and really cared for them. Sometimes when they were little they cried when I tried to take them home as well - am your right that is worse! But thats just the same as when your DH or Mum tries to pick them up and sometimes they cry.

Please try not to take it personally , your baby loves you but was having fun with the CM! it will get better and I had PND with my first and working helped me gain a sense of self again that really helped me to get back to me again. Keep at it - the first few weeks will be hard. And if you have to work then try to focus on all the things you can do whilst your baby is with CM - for example - if you have a lunchbreak try to just sit down, read abook and eat your sandwhich safe in the knowledge that he is happy and you are having a break! smile

mad4mainecoons Wed 13-Jul-11 14:04:50

dont worry!
my DD does this too, after everyone telling me how awful it would be as she is such a mummies girl hmm she totally loves her childminder. never cries when i drop her off and always cries when i collect her.

i think its just because she is having so much fun and try to steel myself with the fact that she is happy there, so i have chosen well for her.

in fact my childminder told me that often they have a nice day with a childminder because all she does all day is play with her, think up things to do with her and generally have a nice time. whereas while she is at home with me i also have her older brother to care for and a home to run.

just make the days you do spend with her extra special smile

Loie159 Wed 13-Jul-11 14:07:20

just to say as well that mine now run into the CM and dont even look back to say goodbye! They love it..... and then on the days I dont work, I know I can just enjoy being their mummy

dmo Wed 13-Jul-11 14:08:04

it will get so much better,
children even at 5mths know how to work it with parents and believe me she has gone to a cm at the right age

dry your eyes and look forward to friday smile
also if you have any spare cash employ a cleaner so you have more time at weekends with your baby

big hugs dmo (childminder) x

Istillfeelseventeen Wed 13-Jul-11 14:17:10

Oh I feel hugely for you OP. But as people have said on here, it is fantastic that your baby is very happy with the carer. If it makes you feel any better, my lowest moment came when I picked my 2 year old up from nursery one day and the keyworker said, "your son had a fall today and was crying for his blankie, pls could you bring it in next time so we can comfort him with it". I was mystified, what blankie?, and then in the car it dawned on me, he didn't have a blankie but we did have a rather wonderful au pair called Lenki ....

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