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to think it's normal for boys to help out at home?!

(50 Posts)
jugofwildflowers Wed 13-Jul-11 13:09:54

Ds age 5 went to a friend's house to play after school and had tea. After ds cleared away his plate and wanted to know where the dishwasher and compost bin was.

The mum was delighted and said she wished her boys would help out like that.

Eh?

Isn't it normal?!

NearlyHeadlessnickelbabe Wed 13-Jul-11 13:10:36

of course it's normal.
The mum has just not taught her boys yet.
Hopefully she will now.

BertieBotts Wed 13-Jul-11 13:11:31

Children in general are usually more eager to help out when not at home, I find.

YANBU. I have two DS's and have had them helping out since they could walk. In fact, I've just trained DS1 to make the perfect cup of tea <it was all worth it emoticon>

ShoutyHamster Wed 13-Jul-11 13:14:48

And here lies the seed of all those billions of posts starting 'AIBU to expect DH not to completely ignore all the mess he makes and to start taking on his fair share of the housework...'

Eglu Wed 13-Jul-11 13:19:29

How does she expect her children to help out if she doesn't teach them too. DS1 (7) helps a lot in the house, but even DS2 (3) knows to clear his plate and cup away after dinner, without being asked.

fanjobanjowanjo Wed 13-Jul-11 13:21:30

It should be normal! My DP had no idea how to even do the washing when he moved in angry much less cook, clean etc etc. He'd never been asked or shown how to help and I just think that's shocking.

thursday Wed 13-Jul-11 13:23:51

of course, but only if the parents have the sense to teach them to.

blackeyedsusan Wed 13-Jul-11 13:26:35

yes. ds is learning how to use the washing machine. he can put the washing in and knows where to put the detergent I have poured for him. he then sits and watches the whole cycle and demands more washing. he is a very strange just 3 year old!

he also knows to put his dirty clothes in the wash bin which is more than his father achieved...

he tries to help hoover as well, but sitting on the air outlet is not very helpful... grin

jugofwildflowers Wed 13-Jul-11 13:28:53

Thank goodness I'm not alone! How on earth can women expect fabulous husbands and fathers if they don't get their sons involved from a young age in being kind and helpful?

I'm surprised because this particular mum has just undergone stomach surgery, she has 4 sons all but 1 older than mine and smiles sweetly with a 'it'll never work' expression whenever getting boys involved in housework is mentioned amongst the mums at the school gates.

In fact these mums regale how hopeless their sons are, never remembering their PE kit or Homework and laugh saying if their heads aren't screwed on they'd lose them too.

My dc have packed their own PE kits, sandwich boxes, sleepover bags etc since they've started school. As Ds is only 5 I make his sandwich but he packs everything else in his lunch box.

He's good at making his bed and tidying his own room.

I hope my dds meet future husbands who are used to helping out at home.

EvaPeron Wed 13-Jul-11 13:29:48

My DS also likes to load the washing machine (sometimes with washing), will fetch the detergent and switch the machine on. He'll help tidy up his toys, helps put shopping away and helps lay the table if asked. He's 2.

If she doesn't expect 5 year olds to help at home, what age would she start expecting them to help?

2littlegreenmonkeys Wed 13-Jul-11 13:37:45

Of course it is normal.

I have Daughters but they still help out. DD1 will be 4 at the end of the year and has chores (feeding the dogs and clearing her pots away from the table everyday) DD2 is 2 this month and brings me her pots off the table.

DH was expected to help MIL when he was young and lived at home and now he does as much (if not more [blush[) housework than I do.

My brother on the other hand was never expected to help out at home because mum said boys shouldn't have to. Unlucky for her at the grand age of 30 my brother cannot do anything for himself, not even get himself up for work in the morning. He lives next door to my parents and dad has to go round to wake him for work. He wont cook, clean or do laundry, mother does it all, and moans about it confused

happy2bhomely Wed 13-Jul-11 13:51:53

jugofwildflowers-I find that some Mothers like to think that their young sons are completely dependant on them-and this can last well into adulthood.

My DH is now very well trained, but his younger brother who lives at home still is hopeless. He is 25 and phones if she's late home to ask where his dinner is! She does everything for him. His washing, makes doctor appointments for him, goes with him to the dentist. She packs his lunch for work and even buys him 'special' biscuits that no one else is allowed to have. They have a very unhealthy co-dependant relationship. When I say she should back off, she says "he's my baby-anyway can you imagine him managing on his own?! He wouldn't cope!"

My 10yr DS makes his own packed lunch, strips his own bed, makes his own breakfast and snacks. He hoovers and polishes his room and even takes the bin out occasionally! He makes tea on a Saturday morning in return for pancakes. We are going to start teaching him to cook this summer. I want him to cook one simple meal a week when he starts secondary school.

My 7yr DD knows how to put a load of washing on, hangs out wet washing, makes bed, hoovers etc

My 3yr makes her bed, puts dirty washing in basket, tidies up toys. Even my 17 m DS puts rubbish in the bin and throws plastic beakers in the sink!

What's even funnier is when I tell her how good the kids are, she says things like "my boys were like that when they were little". I very much doubt it!

Blu Wed 13-Jul-11 13:54:42

Completely normal for boys to contribute to domestic tasks - though I admit that at 5 Ds was not.
But at 9 he hoovers the stairs and empties the dishwasher.

I think the age (5) is more noteworthy than the sex - but well done, anyway! smile

tabulahrasa Wed 13-Jul-11 13:58:26

is it a boy thing though, or does she just say boys rather than children because hers happen to be boys?

because there's a big difference between my children don't do much, my children who happen to be boys don't do much and, my children don't do much because they're boys - if you see what I mean

LittleMissFlustered Wed 13-Jul-11 14:03:55

My almost four year old is obsessed with the laundry. Loves helping. Think he sees it as a treat. I'm not amending that view of the universe...

WowOoo Wed 13-Jul-11 14:07:32

My 5 yr does help me a bit, but he's been quite resentful about doing it recently.
He was better before he started school.
But, the more he does on a daily basis the more normal it becomes and hopefully putting his dirty clothes away, clearing up dinner plates etc will become second nature to him.
he'll help me hoover happily.I plan on getting him to cook as soon as I can!

worraliberty Wed 13-Jul-11 14:08:54

Yes it's normal in this house but it's got nothing to do with being a boy.

DS1 (7) announced the other morning that he wanted his school jumper after all as it was a bit cold. I was rushing around trying to get ready, he was ready apart from the jumper, so I stuck it on the ironing board for him and he ironed it. Now if I could just draw his attention to the huge ironing pile in one of the bedrooms...

BornThisWayBaby Wed 13-Jul-11 14:19:08

LittleMiss - Same with my 3 and 4 year old grin Its like xmas come early!
My boys bring their plates out after dinner but are too young to scrape them and wash up yet grin They help tidy up if I ask and fetch things if I ask I think its important.
My mum (is and was a brilliant mum) but she does EVERYTHING! My 14 year old sister doesnt even tidy her own room run her own bath or pack her school bag! Let alone help round the house! Now I didn't do alot round the house but I know I did those things hmm

MsTeak Wed 13-Jul-11 14:59:46

what has "boys" got to do with anything?

itisnearlysummer Wed 13-Jul-11 15:05:01

Think the 'boys' bit is irrelevant.

It's normal for children to help out at home.

LilBB Wed 13-Jul-11 15:06:56

Yes it's normal but some people have old fashioned ideas about boys doing housework. MIL is like this but DH has to do housework as do I. If I didn't work perhaps I would do more and vice versa. Recently PIL had a BBQ, MIL asked me and SIL to help prepare food, butter bread etc etc. When I asked what the men would do she said 'oh you know the fire stuff' which involved igniting a gas BBQ!!! For the sake of future generations teach your sons to do equal housework.

Hufflepuzzpig Wed 13-Jul-11 15:09:46

Of course it should be normal - I was also wondering though if it's specifically about them being boys, or if it's just that her children (who happen to be boys) don't help out. I'm not sure if you're suggesting they don't help out, or haven't been taught, because they're boys?

aquashiv Wed 13-Jul-11 15:11:10

My dd went to a friend and she said gosh your dd is well behaved and you have her well trained she actually brought her dish out to me and asked if there was anything she could do to help.
Its all part of learning.

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