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To not want to spend my day off counselling my MIL

(16 Posts)
BimboNo5 Wed 13-Jul-11 11:13:30

I am off work today and DS is off nursery. MIL has been rather self centred and of little help emotionally to myself (and my DH) on many occasions. When my auntie comitted suicide and I rang MIL she simply said 'sorry I cant help, ive got to go and look after my parents today' although I never asked her to help, but emotionally and practically useless. Also after DH had surgery for a brain tumour we arranged he would go and stay there after discharge for a week or so due to her having a downstairs toilet and also peace from the kids for a week. Because we argued about something pathetic in the week after his surgery she then rang me and said she didnt want him to stay there (her own son) so he came home and had the kids diving all over him, was a real struggle but oh well.
Now her alcoholic brother is terminally ill (after years of near misses, being in ITU, going to rehab and getting back on the bottle and her saying it would be kinder if he just died) DH rang from work earlier and said 'you might want to phone her- she might need someone to talk to'
As awful as it sounds I really dont want to and feel too much resentment to give her a shoulder to cry on. Plus I want to enjoy my day with DS not get bogged down in doom and gloom.

Inertia Wed 13-Jul-11 11:16:00

Given that there's a bit of history there, I'd work on the basis that if she wants to talk to you she'll ring you.

DogsBestFriend Wed 13-Jul-11 11:18:50

If she wants someone to talk to I presume that she has DH's work number?

No need for you to do a thing then. wink

itisnearlysummer Wed 13-Jul-11 11:19:43

What Inertia said.

Sometimes I'd advise being the bigger person and all that.

Sometimes people reap what they sow.

I'd not only not phone her, I wouldn't answer the phone either.

BimboNo5 Wed 13-Jul-11 11:22:04

Thats what I thought, I will just carry on my business!

ShoutyHamster Wed 13-Jul-11 11:57:37

And that fact that even her own son is trying to pass the buck so he doesn't feel guilty but also doesn't have to spend his precious time being there for her tells you all you need to know!

Yes, people reap what they sow...

LadyThumb Wed 13-Jul-11 12:19:37

No, sod her. If she can't help her son then she is not a 'mother'!

BimboNo5 Wed 13-Jul-11 12:24:16

Tbh im a bit angry DH even 'suggested' I ring her for 'a chat'

ShoutyHamster Wed 13-Jul-11 13:12:48

Yes I would be too. When DH asks, I'd say, 'You suggested that I might want to phone her - I discovered that I didn't want. I would have thought that as she's your mother, you might want to phone her more than I would. Do you want to phone her? Because I think that that would be a great idea!'

If he takes the hump I suggest you run through some of the history in your OP and suggest that in future he can take it as read that you don't want to go out of your way to offer her the support she's never shown either of you. Just so you're clear (said with bright smile breezy smile).

girlywhirly Wed 13-Jul-11 13:13:22

I wouldn't phone. If she calls you, make use of the answering service. When she calls with any news about DH's uncle, at least you can, or DH can, contact her when convenient to yourselves.

It would be entirely different if MIL had been a tower of strength for you and DH in the past.

LRDTheFeministNutcase Wed 13-Jul-11 13:54:53

Your DH is cheeky, isn't it?!

He should ring his own mum if he wants her rung.

ScarletOHaHa Wed 13-Jul-11 14:00:47

agree with shouty.

Suggest her DS calls when he gets in from work.

Enjoy your day off x

2rebecca Wed 13-Jul-11 20:41:19

Would you suggest your husband rings your mum "for a chat" if you're busier than him?
Thought not.
He's trying to pass the buck. I would never ask anyone to phone my relatives. If I think they should be phoned then I'll phone them. Even if I'm at work most people have access to some sort of phone in their lunch hour.

omaoma Wed 13-Jul-11 20:49:27

Jesus, I wouldn't call her, nor feel guilty about it. if my DH had the temerity to check if I'd done it, I would look astounded and say 'on the go all day, didn't have a chance, sorry. you phone her now tho love if you think she needs a call'

Fuzzled Wed 13-Jul-11 21:02:05

or be really sneaky and dial the number and hang up immediately and say truthfully that there was no reply blush

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