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FFS ! my SIS again ! to paraphrase Sigourney Weaver "the b***h won't die"

(177 Posts)
kitty4paws Wed 13-Jul-11 09:37:37

Brief back story ( at risk of boring to death those who know it sorry )

Dh has severe short term memory loss, can't remember stuff from 5 minutes ago.

During visits to MY sister (though of course I only have SIS word for it [humm])

1) DH has decided that all their converstaions are private and confidential
2) SIS has started to arrange a second opinion for my DH
3) DH has given written permssion for SIS to have access to his medical notes
4) SIS has decided on a different diagnosis to that put forward by his HCP
5) DH/SIS have organised a counselors appointment for DH
6) DH has arranged for a meeting with DH's GP that only SIS was to attend

SIS did not tell me ANY of this directly, I found out about it by pure chance,I was not included in any way.

After all this DH and I talked and he wrote a letter to SIS asking for information that SIS refused to give me. The letter asked for a reply by email, it did not ask for a face to face meeting or any other contact.

SIS took it uoon herself to talk to DH about the letter and , surprise , surprise [roll] he "decided" to ask her to ignore the letter and thus none of the questions WE had agreed uopn were answered. aaarrgghhh !!!

Now SIS also wants to attend all appooitnmets and be "an intrumental part" in DH medical affairs.

My Dh WANTS her at the appointmets, but I feel physically sick at the thought of sharing personal inormation about our lives ( me and DH) with her sad

what do I do ?????

Every time I get her to back off she waits a while and then gets in contact with DH again and suddenly every thing we discuss as husband and wife is turned on its head as soon as he speaks to her.

Legally DH is entitled to who ever he wants in his appointmetns and SIS is very,VERY careful to make sure she stays on the "right" side of the law but morally , well (sigh) I just do'nt know ,

so come on collective wisdom of MN help me out !

kitty4paws Wed 13-Jul-11 09:39:11

ops pressed post before I thoroughly checked, appoligies for any mistakes !

Pakdooik Wed 13-Jul-11 09:40:06

WTF has it got to do with her?

HairyGrotter Wed 13-Jul-11 09:41:15

What does SIS stand for?

kitty4paws Wed 13-Jul-11 09:41:33

she is trying to "help"

she does have soem medicaly knowledge but is not fully trained ( not a DR or anythign )

Primafacie Wed 13-Jul-11 09:41:34

Why does your DH want her at his appointments?

kitty4paws Wed 13-Jul-11 09:41:57

SIS : Sister

,notice the lack of DSIS

kreecherlivesupstairs Wed 13-Jul-11 09:41:58

Incredible. Presumably your DH has a leader HCP - ie neurologist who refers to other discipines?
Would it be possible to speak to the chief person and ask him not to support your, frankly looney sister?
Socking situation to be in. Does she have romantic feelings for your DH?

kreecherlivesupstairs Wed 13-Jul-11 09:42:14

of course it is shocking, not socking.

HollyGoHeavily Wed 13-Jul-11 09:42:40

Do you have any idea why she wants to be so involved? Does she think your DH is not getting proper care?

kitty4paws Wed 13-Jul-11 09:43:54

Dh wants her there so he can have a differnt view of the situation. I will freely admit that I do look on the dark side of things. ( though in all honesty I am really trying to be more positive)

I can just about bear the thought of her seeign notes / reports etc but actually IN the consultation room [shudder]

northerngirl41 Wed 13-Jul-11 09:44:47

Deeply annoying for you - but I'm not sure what her motivation could be other than finding out a better solution for DH?

So YANBU for being annoyed but YABU for not just letting them get on with it... What difference does it make?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Wed 13-Jul-11 09:46:03

I remember your back story, OP, this has been going on for a long time now. I think you were given suggestions about seeking legal advice... I think that's the way to go. For some reason, your sister wants to inveigle herself in your husband's medical care. I think you need some professional legal help to sort this out. sad

kitty4paws Wed 13-Jul-11 09:46:41

Her life style is such that romatic feeling are just not on the cards.

HOLLY : I am doing verythign I can to help DH, and to my mind unless I was significantlyt negleting him in some way then it no one elses business how my and MY DH handle his care.

e.g.. you might not approve of someones child raising style but unless the child is coming to harm then it is none of your business

kitty4paws Wed 13-Jul-11 09:49:02

Northern : "So YANBU for being annoyed but YABU for not just letting them get on with it... What difference does it make?"

It makes a HUGE difference if she starts making suggestiong to changes in DH medcial care ( e.g. via their little "secret" converstaions") His medical care directly affects me and the DCs. SHe is not the one living with him I am.

beanlet Wed 13-Jul-11 09:49:49

You have to talk to a solicitor. Legally she has no right at all to interfere, and because of your DH's memory loss he is vulnerable and she is exploiting that. You do have legal rights, and I would say a duty to your DH to stop her interfering.

cjbartlett Wed 13-Jul-11 09:50:52

Can't another family member tell her to butt the hell out? Your parents, his parents, other siblings, close friend if the family?

kitty4paws Wed 13-Jul-11 09:50:56

Also Northern , due to his memory loss he CAN'T tell me what decisions he has made, so once SIS has got what ever she wants not only do I not know about it neither does he.

nomoreheels Wed 13-Jul-11 09:51:42

I read your other threads too - she's an interfering loon who doesn't seem to have any boundaries. Could you get a restraining order? Sounds like you've tried everything else.

kitty4paws Wed 13-Jul-11 09:52:11

"Legally she has no right at all to interfere"

I am not sure this is true. DH is fine in the moment, perfectly cognicent (sp)

Though I am willign to be corrected by those with more knowledge.

kitty4paws Wed 13-Jul-11 09:54:00

the troubel is that DH WANTS her involved but I bet you she doesn't fill him in on the "back story" when they start contact again. Thus using his memory problems to her advantage.

titchy Wed 13-Jul-11 09:54:30

Can you get power of attourney over his affairs? Then he isn't legally able to make decisions.

CoffeeIsMyFriend Wed 13-Jul-11 09:54:57

surely you are DH NOK so anything legal should be discussed with you.

Do you go to appointments with DH?

Is your sister in the medical profession and can help in anyway? Is she trying to take some pressure off of you?

Sorry, dont know back story.

oohjarWhatsit Wed 13-Jul-11 09:55:17

how about, instead of fighting her, you try and get her onside so that she will help rather than hinder and work with you

fighting her isnt working, you need to box clever on this one

nomoreheels Wed 13-Jul-11 09:56:10

If your DH is ok "in the moment" why can't he understand that she's interfering & that this upsets you? Why does he still want her at his appointments? That sounds like he's not grasping the situation at all.

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