to think that a lot of the time people should just say what they feel....

[madhousewife]

...and not get so f'n pissy about it.

Okay, I'll be the first to admit I am guilty of this, that's probably why it bothers me so much.

But if someone does something to annoy you, why is it so hard to say, "Sorry, that annoys me" and get on with your life rather than agree to it, and then RAGE behind their back and say how UNREASONABLE they are?

[EveryonesJealousOfWeasleys]

I am trying to work on just letting this kind of stuff go - I am totally inclined to stew about things and find that confronting the 'issue' is incendiary - so I am trying to count to ten and remind myself that we all have our faults/do annoying things and actually in the grand scheme of things it's probably not a biggie.

[jeckadeck]

its called being English. Whole generations of English people have turned not really saying what you mean into a fine art. I come from a family where saying what you mean is the rudest thing one can possibly do. I hate it, its absolutely toxic and is basically tantamount to lying and is very unsettling because you never know where you are with anyone. Rudeness for its own sake isn't constructive, and I'm not advocating that, but the phobia people have about being direct and honest is profoundly unhealthy.

[oohjarWhatsit]

i do roll my eyes sometimes at some of the threads on here that could easily be resolved by asking one question/saying no that doesnt suit me

instead of all the angst

[EuphemiaMcGonagall]

I find it hard to be frank with family because they have a habit of bearing grudges and dragging things up 25 years after they've happened.

Better to put up and shut up than cause a feud.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

YANBU. I've found it's far easier to say what I think, the older I get. Maybe because I care so much less what others think of me. Maybe because I've got more self-respect. Maybe because I'm just fed up wasting time waiting for others to read my mind and meaningful facial expressions :) Good sentence starters are 'I'm really not happy about...', 'I'm quite offended by....' and 'What part of the word 'no' are you struggling with?' Used them all this morning on DS's school, in fact. Very liberating. Give it a try.

[MorrisZapp]

I dunno. My DB and SIL say exactly what they mean all the time. Makes them kind of hard to be with sometimes.

I'm a big fan of greasing the wheels myself.

I wonder how many of the say what they meaners are happy for people to criticise them or their kids to their face.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

As a 'say what I meaner' (liking that description) I'm usually happier with someone giving me information straight than beating around the bush. Might not be happy with it, exactly, but I'd rather they said it than avoid me, seethe in private or gossip about me behind my back. BTW there's a big difference between honest & assertive and being deliberately offensive or bloody minded....

[MilyP]

I think there are ways of saying things in a clear non-inflamitory way that get your view across. You don't need to be rude to people. But equally there do seem to be a lot of posts where people agree to something/don't say they object then come on here fuming thinking their friend/relative has been unreasonable. Why would you not say something at the time?

Reading a lot of the posts on here I can't help worrying a little that I am about to walk into a minefield of etiquitte or 'rules' that I just don't know or understand that only need to be contended with once you have kids (mine is 5 days overdue!). Maybe its a symptom of having friends who aren't really friends but people you know just because you happen to have kids the same age.