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To avoid partners son?

(6 Posts)
Anyoldthing Tue 12-Jul-11 18:51:17

I've been with my guy for 10 months and in that time his 8 year old son has urinated on ceramic decorations at a holiday cottage and climbed out of the windows and thrown stones at the window, encouraged my 5 year olds to cover up, decieve or copy all of the same. Climbed out of a caravan window. Stolen out of my pockets at same caravan. Climbed out of my 5 year old daughters bedroom window and asked them to lie to me.
Following this I sat him down and made him confess what he'd done as my partner wouldn't beleive it (despite confirmation by both of my daughters, footprints on the windowledge, his history of climbing out of windows and his confession) and my partner said I forced him to admit to something he hadn't done. That drives me crazy!
He's also manipulated his father with comments around 'you don't love me' whenever I'm around overnight (especially on holidays), followed by 'I hate you', 'I want to go back to Mummy', 'if you loved me you would......' and pretended to be in serious pain, screamed his head off and cried for hours.
Shoved one of my daughters around. Shoved the other underwater despite knowing she's a none swimmer. Urinated in my garden and lied about it, despite being 10 feet away from a vacant loo then tried to make out my daughter lied.
Run off in woods which left his younger sister with me whilst his Dad went to find him.
Refused to do as he is told or more occasions than I can count.

He freely admits to anyone that his sons behaviour improved when he was taking on board my support and suggestions with his sons behaviour and he admits his son is a pain. He also admits that he often thinks its easier just to give in, because his son will kick, scream, break things and lash out like mad if he doesn't get what he wants. My partner would rather have a somewhat disobedient son that the demon who cant get his own way.

The kids live with their mum, she isn't exactly a good role model but I don't need to detail that here. My partner has them at weekends only and is often not looking forward to it.

My partner and I argue about his son more than anything and I've refused to be around him for the last 3/4 months. During a recent situation his son was banned from cubs and whilst discussing his sons behaviour I suggested that maybe he is being banned for good reason and pointed out that his Dad is very defensive at times and is perhaps overlooking the truth. As usual he went mental and stormed out. Our relationship is teetering on the brink of complete collapse and we're on the very last chance. We had an unexpected pregnancy which resulted in an awful miscarriage just 7 weeks ago and our relationship suffered terribly. He was concerned about what his son would think of the baby more than anything and was unhappy about the pregnancy.

I last saw my partner a week ago, he left in an absolute fury when I pointed out how hurt I was about him saying I bullied his son into confessing. He was also furious that I said maybe the cub leader has a point. Now he says he cannot imagine our relationship can recover from that.

I don't have solutions to our problem and I'm so emotionally overwrought it's hard for me to see through it all. I'd love for us to be a happy blended family but I feel his son comes between us, demonstrates bad behaviour to my kids and manipulates his Dad to our detriment. I love my partner dearly sad

CadleCrap Tue 12-Jul-11 18:55:14

Sorry - but I am no relationship expert but is it not time to call it a day?

Anushka11 Tue 12-Jul-11 18:57:38

can I suggst you re-post this in step-parenting forum? Lots of experience there with this sort of stuff, and less likely to get flamed.
It's hard, isn't it?

Animation Tue 12-Jul-11 19:04:35

Yes, this poor boy sounds quite disturbed.

LadyFlumpalot Tue 12-Jul-11 19:08:27

Duplicate thread.

spiderpig8 Tue 12-Jul-11 21:01:47

His dad has taken up with another woman and is playing Daddy to her 2 younger children and doesn't want him round any more.
Poor poor poor little boy sad

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