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To not go and see new baby because of this?

(179 Posts)
Piggyleroux Tue 12-Jul-11 18:00:39

Dh's db and his wife had their first baby yesterday. Bil called us this morning to give us a 'time slot' to visit which is not until Monday. They are being a bit pfb about the whole thing but each to their own and I understand they don't want to be overwhelmed with visitors.

Bil called again this afternoon to request that when we visit we leave ds at home. He is 15 mo. Bil said that his dw does not want any disruptions and wants to maintain a peaceful environment. We are unclear whether this extends to other family members on his dw side as we are the only ones on his side with a child.

I have refused to go on the basis that if ds isn't welcome then I will not be coming either. We have no one to leave him with, they live a two hour drive away and he is part of the family. I even offered to sit in the car with him while dh sees the baby and then I will go in, but they refused saying that they are worried that a young child will make noise????

In laws reckon I am being childish, but I don't think so. Apologies if I don't reply straight away but am due in work.

discrete Tue 12-Jul-11 18:02:24

YANBU. They are being bonkers.

squeakytoy Tue 12-Jul-11 18:02:30

They are being PFB... I would just sent them a card and say "see ya when you are being a bit less precious then"..

They are scared your child might take a bit of attention away from theirs by the sounds of it..

Tortington Tue 12-Jul-11 18:02:44

if you have no childcare - that is the excuse you should have stuck with - rather than seem petty about the wholething whatever you may think

McDreamy Tue 12-Jul-11 18:02:53

If in laws think you are being childish maybe they would like to look after DS while you visit.

curlycarla Tue 12-Jul-11 18:02:59

YANBU They are mentalists!

madeindevon2 Tue 12-Jul-11 18:03:14

Totally bonkers! I Wouldn't go! Sure they will her over it. What happens if the have another baby? They gonna banish dc1??!?!?
Leave it a few weeks then I reckon they come to their senses!

Tortington Tue 12-Jul-11 18:03:43

i do wish that i had the balls to tell people to fuck off and leave me alone after i had my babies tbh.

JoySzasz Tue 12-Jul-11 18:04:03

No,YANBU they are.

Poor deluded parents ...

JamieAgain Tue 12-Jul-11 18:04:56

Really? The car thing? That's bizarre. I'd just send you DH on his own

I remember a relative coming with her 18 month old when we'd had our PFB, and being highly alarmed at him rampaging around and sticking his face in the baby's moses basket the baby, but NO WAY would I say anything because I recognised it was my issue.

Georgimama Tue 12-Jul-11 18:05:21

They are being absurd. I take it they don't plan to have any more children in the future if they don't want children disturbing the baby - or perhaps they will put this one on ebay when they have another?

Send DH otherwise there will be ructions but don't go yourself.

CBear6 Tue 12-Jul-11 18:05:43

I can understand the time slots, the idea of them anyway, but I think they're being a bit arsey refusing to let you bring DS even when you've offered the compromise of waiting in the car with him. Aside from a cursory glance he probably won't be the least bit interested in the baby anyway.

If it was me I would just send a card/gift and say you'll come visit once they're more settled - and once they realise that babies/toddlers occasionally make a noise, theirs will be no different!

What does your DH think?

JamieAgain Tue 12-Jul-11 18:06:35

Custardo, I sympathise, but the OP was invited

CrapolaDeVille Tue 12-Jul-11 18:07:05

Just say thanks for the offer you would love to come, but perhaps it would be best to come in a few weeks when they feel a little more confident with their new baby.

funnypeculiar Tue 12-Jul-11 18:08:00

They are being bonkers - BUT they've just had their first child, and are therefore (imo) allowed to be bonkers for a few weeks. New mothers worry about random shit - could be that your dc will be full of dreadful germs, or she may be trying to put you off as she's intimated by what an amazing mum you are grin

I wouldn't go all 'let me bring my son or I won't come" on them - bit childish in return. But say you can't get childcare to cover that slot, so you'll come later once your BD/SIL and new baby are a bit more settled down & ready for a visit from all the family.

Maybe suggest a skype call so you can see the baby?

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Tue 12-Jul-11 18:08:04

They are being really silly.

If you want to keep it as nice as possible, then maybe your husband could go alone.

"Piggy sends her love but wasn't able to come as we had noone to leave our baby with."

You can remind them of this when their baby is 18 months old and making a racket - oh, remember when he was born and you wouldn't let our 18 month old come and see him because you were worried about the noise... <tinkling laugh> listen to him now, bet you'd be glad of some peace and quiet...

Or you can tell them they are being ridiculously pfb and to get stuffed, if you aren't bothered about the fallout.

Personally, I'd just send him down with a gift and smile to yourself and keep it as a 'funny story' down the line.

Wormshuffler Tue 12-Jul-11 18:08:12

Oh my!! They have a shock coming!

DogsBestFriend Tue 12-Jul-11 18:08:28

As much as I don't think that a small child has to be invited everywhere that his parents are, your BIL is being a loon.

I've never done mother and toddler groups in my life but these days I'm pretty unusual for that. Unless DBIL and DSIL want to follow my lead (I can't tolerate other people's DC, nothing to do with protecting my own little darlings from the noise) they are in for a mighty shock when that baby goes out into the real world!

And heaven help them when they need to go shopping.... "Turn that tannoy off Sainsbury, can you stop the piped music please, oi, checkout lady, queiten down you over there and WILL you remove that toddler Mrs Shopper, he's making far too much noise for our PFB's delicate little ears".

Yep, BILs gonna look a prat isn't he?

Sod it, you have no-one to leave your son with, you don't go, simple. You won't miss out on much will you, visiting a baby isn't usually done for your benefit or the babe's but the parents'. Their loss AFAISI.

M0naLisa Tue 12-Jul-11 18:08:50

Dont you just hate PFB parents ;) people who are like this annoy me. When my DS' were born i loved having visitors and showing newborn off.


TheMagnificentBathykolpian Tue 12-Jul-11 18:09:02

oh, replace 18 months with 15 months, btw grin

intelligenceitself Tue 12-Jul-11 18:09:28

LOL at peaceful environment. What are they going to do if number 2 comes along?

JamieAgain Tue 12-Jul-11 18:10:33

I think you should treat this with a wry smile and rise above. Don't get arsey about it.

BlueFergie Tue 12-Jul-11 18:11:10

Hahahaha they are mental.....
Bet they are worried that your big grubby toddler will make their PFB sick. Or maybe that he might eat it or something.

Whatever, there is no way I would have left my 15 month old for no good reason for such a long time (will be 5 hours at least with the 2 hours each way plus visiting time), and if you don't have soemone to mind him anyway well thats all there is to il. Just say you can't come and send DH.

As for not letting him wait outside in the car because he might make noise. WTF? Have they an exclusion zone around their house? Crazy bastards....

AurraSing Tue 12-Jul-11 18:11:21

Oh bless. Do you think SIL be on here in a years time, embarassed about her extreme PFBness.
Leave it for now and see them in a couple of months when they have calmed down a bit..

DragonAlley Tue 12-Jul-11 18:12:06

Oh, cut them some slack, bless them. It's their firstborn and they have no idea

File it away and remind them of should they have another.

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