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To not see sil new baby because of this?

(28 Posts)
Piggyleroux Tue 12-Jul-11 17:58:59

Dh's db and his wife had their first baby yesterday. Bil called us this morning to give us a 'time slot' to visit which is not until Monday. They are being a bit pfb about the whole thing but each to their own and I understand they don't want to be overwhelmed with visitors.

Bil called again this afternoon to request that when we visit we leave ds at home. He is 15 mo. Bil said that his dw does not want any disruptions and wants to maintain a peaceful environment. We are unclear whether this extends to other family members on his dw side as we are the only ones on his side with a child.

I have refused to go on the basis that if ds isn't welcome then I will not be coming either. We have no one to leave him with, they live a two hour drive away and he is part of the family. I even offered to sit in the car with him while dh sees the baby and then I will go in, but they refused saying that they are worried that a young child will make noise????

In laws reckon I am being childish, but I don't think so. Apologies if I don't reply straight away but am due in work.

Hufflepuzzpig Tue 12-Jul-11 18:02:25

No, YANBU. No need to make a fuss, they are entitled to do things their own way, just tell them you can't go if you can't take DS.

Lollyheart Tue 12-Jul-11 18:03:54

Yanbu if it's a two hour drive away, I wouldn't go if they didn't want me to take my dcs.

What are they going to do with this child when they have another child. They're being bfp but they will learn grin

pjmama Tue 12-Jul-11 18:06:08

Just be smug in the knowledge that they'll be suitably embarrassed about it one day!

I wouldn't go in your shoes. Send DH on his own and stay home and have a lovely day with DS. They're being ridiculous, but it's just first-time parent panic - they'll learn.

lockets Tue 12-Jul-11 18:07:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlameItOnTheBogey Tue 12-Jul-11 18:08:18

Whoop, whoop! They are crazy and will look back on this in shame. I wouldn't go and would send DH on his own.

usualsuspect Tue 12-Jul-11 18:09:42

oh dear ,they will learn


activate Tue 12-Jul-11 18:10:05


oh she's going to regret that particularly nutty moment

of course you shouldn't go - send a card and present and oooo I got it, sign it

"Our family very much look forward to meeting your family"


smartyparts Tue 12-Jul-11 18:10:46

They are the embodiment of pfb. I can only imagine the fuss-budgetry!

I loved the non-stop visitors when I had newborns - before you know it, the excitement has died down and you're all alone with the baby! But it's their call - so I'd leave them to it. Maybe send your dh alone?

DrGoogle Tue 12-Jul-11 18:11:35

YANBU, or childish, what are you supposed to do with your ds then? I would send your dh on his own, if he wants to go, along with your apologies.
I think they sound a bit bonkers, but as you say, each to their own, if you can't even take your ds and sit in the car, then you don't have much choice really, I would tell them that i'd visit later when the baby is older and your ds can go too.

AgentZigzag Tue 12-Jul-11 18:11:37

'they are worried that a young child will make noise????'

What on earth has you SIL given birth to? confused

I dread to think grin

xstitch Tue 12-Jul-11 18:11:44

How much noise could a 15 month old make that he would cause disruption in the house while sitting in the car shock?

Just let your DH go himself, if you have no babysitter, you can't go.

ZillionChocolate Tue 12-Jul-11 18:12:42

I was ready to say YABU until I got to the bit about your own child. FFS. maybe go for the moral high ground that you're looking forward to visiting when they feel they can cope.

smartyparts Tue 12-Jul-11 18:13:12

I suspect they're worried about the 15 month old's germs really!!

Hufflepuzzpig Tue 12-Jul-11 18:13:35

Ooh, where's that viral email thing from that insanely PFB couple who wrote an enormous essay about their expectations of visitors including time slots etc? Anyone know a link to it, I could do with a laugh grin

ChunkyPickle Tue 12-Jul-11 18:16:16

AgentZigzag :D

Depending on the baby it's not impossible that you wouldn't be able to hear the 15 month old over the newborn.

If they don't even like the sitting in the car idea they are clearly in full on PFB craziness - YANBU to not go, and I really like activate's idea of present and tongue in cheek comment.

CoffeeIsMyFriend Tue 12-Jul-11 18:17:40

oh woweeee! They are being Totally Unreasonable.

One day they will think back on this and cringe, if not - well, do you really want to have that much to do with them?

GiddyPickle Tue 12-Jul-11 18:19:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noviceoftheday Tue 12-Jul-11 18:20:09

Lol!!!! YANBU. Send dh and don't bother going yourself.

noviceoftheday Tue 12-Jul-11 18:20:11

Lol!!!! YANBU. Send dh and don't bother going yourself.

mumblebum Tue 12-Jul-11 18:28:29

What on earth do they think happens when babies are born into houses with older siblings?! Madness. That said I think I'd go along with it if you can find someone to look after your DS. I don't think it's worth causing a family rift over it. I'd just tell everyone I know and laugh at them a lot grin. If you really can't find anyone then you can't go, whether you want to or not, you can't very well leave him home alone can you!

wompoopigeon Tue 12-Jul-11 18:32:17

They had their first baby yesterday.
They are being loons. Understandably. Goes with the territory.
But your job is to nod and smile.

HermioneRocks Tue 12-Jul-11 19:09:08

They are MAD YANBU, Don't go!

exoticfruits Tue 12-Jul-11 19:23:35

Just post a present and card. Phone them up and tell them you will catch up 'when things are back to normal'.

ENormaSnob Tue 12-Jul-11 19:26:01

They need to get a grip. Rapidly.

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