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To be pissed off with people who dominate the conversation...

(56 Posts)
glassescase Tue 12-Jul-11 16:44:06

Went for lunch with a group of friends from work, all ages from mid twenties to mid fifties, six of us in all. Two of them totally dominated the "conversation", with a third getting a bit of input. the rest of us had to resort to trying to interrupt their flow to have any chance to speak. If two people started to speak at the same time, and one of them was from the dominant pair, they would simply keep talking, ever louder, until the other person gave up. I find this to be incresingly the way it goes, these days, and end up resentfully eating my lunch listening to another long, boring tale about something/someone which does not interest me at all.

Hullygully Tue 12-Jul-11 16:44:50

Hoh yes. Pick your companions with care.

Insomnia11 Tue 12-Jul-11 16:46:29

Next time make them sit at the end so the rest of you can chat amongst yourselves.

glassescase Tue 12-Jul-11 16:46:54

I'm kind of stuck with them, it was an end of term lunch for the department. I don't have to mix with them all the time, but several of the groups of friends I belong to seem to end up with dominant folk...

Hullygully Tue 12-Jul-11 16:51:50

Most groups do.

There is only one group of which I am part where everyone chats equally, and it is noticeably warmer, friendlier and happier!

EuphemiaMcGonagall Tue 12-Jul-11 16:53:36

This is why I never go out only go out with one or two people at a time.

jeckadeck Tue 12-Jul-11 17:04:58

Totally. I dislike it more and more the older I get. It just ruins evenings out when one person is like this.

Bumblequeen Tue 12-Jul-11 23:11:15

As someone who likes to talk and gets passionate I always try to be aware of my behaviour. If in a group setting, I will say my piece and immediately invite others to comment/join in. It is easy to get carried away but I realise not everyone is confident to butt in. I have a few friends that find it difficult to let you finish your sentence- they often assume they know what you are going to say and often get it wrong!

I feel uncomfortable being around very opinionted/controlling people. I.e. they feel the need to take charge of absolutely everything.

Pandygirl Tue 12-Jul-11 23:18:42

Group of teachers / lecturers? I'm afraid there's always a couple, could you change departments? Theologists may take time to think between comments?

tethersend Tue 12-Jul-11 23:23:28

Enough about me.

What do you think about me?

thursday Tue 12-Jul-11 23:33:03

i know the sort, it's so boring. conversation is an art and as much as i realise you have to be a bit forceful to have your say in a group (i used to politely wait for my go but learnt to jump in more) but you also have to know when to shut the fuck up and listen to other people. the ones who just talk louder til you stop are the ones who dont give a shit about you, just like talking. they also seem to be the ones who will tell you the same story repeatedly, and it doesnt matter if you say you've heard it, they just plough on. just start looking about, bored. and then talk to someone else and basically act as if you can't hear them. they won't care but at least you don't have to politely smile and nod and laugh along with them.

glassescase Tue 12-Jul-11 23:33:04

grin good idea! They are horribly wordy for our subject! DS rang earlier, and in 20 mins I got to say "right", "ok" and "that's fine". I'm NOT exaggerating, she talksandtalksandtalks....

ThePrincessRoyalFiggyrolls Tue 12-Jul-11 23:34:35

Was my MIL there by any chance? Doesn't listen, and only hears the answer she wants even if none has been given grin tis irritating to say the least

ThePrincessRoyalFiggyrolls Tue 12-Jul-11 23:35:17

Tethers - I think you are a fridge winning style guru thats what I think!

glassescase Tue 12-Jul-11 23:36:21

thursday- my point exactly, it's meant to be CONVERSATION. Why do they just rattle on? I tried to make a point but the buggers keep going at full volume. I really wanted to shout "shut the fuck up!"- but I just ate my lunch sad

FreePeaceSweet Tue 12-Jul-11 23:40:52

Oh yes. My mil and sil are terrible for this. I got so fed up one day (after being interrupted/talked over/ignored for the 3723rd time) that I just gave up talking and said nothing. Ok one word answers but still... It was fun watching them realise why I was silent and even more fun watching them trying to converse with me. I must admit that though they still do it they apologise and ask me to repeat what I was trying to say. (I usually forget and look all terse and spiteful as I say I can't remember - tis fun grin )

ImperialBlether Tue 12-Jul-11 23:44:27

I worry about doing this, though I don't think I'm anything like the women you describe. I love to hear what others have to say and tend to be the one listening rather than talking.

But...

I live on my own (when my children are away at university) and many nights I don't speak to anyone from leaving work to arriving there the next day.

Or arriving home on Friday night and arriving back on Monday morning.

I am just desperate to talk, sometimes, but I'd hate someone to say I dominated the conversation. I try not to and don't think I do, but I'm worried about it.

glassescase Tue 12-Jul-11 23:46:19

Where do you live, Imperial? We could go for coffee and converse!

ImperialBlether Tue 12-Jul-11 23:55:09

Sorry, glassescase, must have sounded desperate there!

I think all I was saying was that sometimes, just maybe, there might be a reason why someone's talking like a crazy woman!

I'm in the north west, btw!

FreePeaceSweet Tue 12-Jul-11 23:55:11

The key is sharing the atmosphere. Let others tell their stories/anecdotes in full. I despise it when I start to tell a story or recount an amusing incident and someone goes "Ooh that reminds me of this time..." and prattles on as if I had finished my tale when I was barely halfway through. Even worse is when people are rude and start texting or messing about. Its not very long in the grand scheme of things and I try to give my full attention throughout the meal. No phone fiddling full stop. Its rude to take a call at the table. You should always keep your phone on silent and excuse yourself if its important. I know someone who got so fed up with bad table manners that he started taking a pocket sized crossword book with him and he would start doing one if people answered their phones or hogged the conversation. I thought he was a cock at the time but now I think its a funny way of getting his point across without getting all shouty. grin

FreePeaceSweet Tue 12-Jul-11 23:55:51

Ooh where abouts? I'm in Manchester.

ImperialBlether Tue 12-Jul-11 23:56:55

FreePeace, I do that - I just reduce my input to one or two words at a time.

I have a friend that I see sometimes. We go to the pub and I ask how she is. Literally two hours later, she's still talking. After about ten minutes, I make a point of just going "Hmm", but it doesn't stop her.

Just realise I've totally contradicted myself!

ImperialBlether Tue 12-Jul-11 23:57:41

I'm on the Wirral, FreePeace. My children are in Manchester/Salford. Love the city, but it's very different to Liverpool.

glassescase Tue 12-Jul-11 23:58:57

I didn't take my phone out at all sad. I listened to the anecdote from one, and the other, and the first one again..... I thought of some interesting/amusing ones of my own, but couldn't get a word in..

Imperial, too far for coffee!

ImperialBlether Tue 12-Jul-11 23:59:12

Totally agree. Those people who, once you say something, either talk over you or start to text, drive me nuts.

Do you notice people's eyes just going to their phone once they shut up?

Hate to paint myself as a poor conversationalist here - it's one of my favourite occupations.

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