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To ask him to put a stop to his daughters tell tales?

(12 Posts)
WoosterSauce Tue 12-Jul-11 15:13:34

I've been seeing someone for around 3 months. We've recently met each other's chidren, he has one DD aged 12 and I have 2 DDs aged 8 and 10. The first meeting we had was at a soft play area which we thought would be a good mutual setting. The day went pretty well although in the car on the way home his DD was continuously taking the piss out of my eldest DD saying some quite mean things but in a jokey way which automatically got passed off by her dad as "sillyness". I let it go but then the weekend after he invited us around to their house for dinner. As soon as we got there all the kids went to play outside, it was lovely and sunny and so we sat in the conservatory with a glass of wine each. But then every 5 minutes his DD kept running in saying my DD's had done this or done that or said this or said that. Everytime I went out my DD's were just playing and not knowing what the hell they had supposed to have done whereas his DD had a huge grin on her face at the fact that they'd been told off. So this particular night I'd literally been out to follow up on these "tales" six times. I went back in after the last incident and said quite stroppily "I'm getting a bit tired of this to be honest, it's constant" and he said "I know, I think they're just excited, don't worry about it" thinking I was on about my DDs when I was actually on about the tell tales. So i said "Well I'm not going out there anymore, I'm trying to relax, if there's a genuine problem they'll all come in, I'm sure." He agreed. So with that, his DD comes running back in saying my DD1 had swore. Her dad laughs and stands up and says "You better go and see what's going on whilst I get you another drink!". Anyway this pretty much continued all night until eventually i said it was time we were going home. On the way home my DDs were telling me absolutely nothing had happened all night other than his DD sitting there constantly saying "I'm going to tell your mum again that you swore/ hit her/ hit me / threw a stone " etc etc
He called me that night and said what a great night they'd had and he wants to do it again next weekend but did I want to stay over too as his DD would love to have a sleepover and it would give us more time together.

AIBU in not enjoying the whole tell-tale fiasco and in not finding it cute or sweet or funny or anything other than irritating and frustrating? if not, how do I bring it up without making it sound so negative against his DD?

Insomnia11 Tue 12-Jul-11 15:16:08

She sounds about 6 not 12. Have a quiet word with him about it.

Sassybeast Tue 12-Jul-11 15:18:32

3 months into a relationship and you are planning sleepovers? No wonder the poor kid is playing up. How many other girlfriends has she been introduced to?

Pagwatch Tue 12-Jul-11 15:21:21

I would back off from the getting the girls together thing.

It has only been three months.
That is fine in the life of your relationship but a bit early to be trying to force a prickly relationship between your dd.

worraliberty Tue 12-Jul-11 15:23:55

It's a bit odd for a 12yr old to just constantly dream these tales up out of thin air. How do you know your DDs were totally blameless throughout? Because they told you in the car that nothing had happened at all, all night?

Perhaps your DDs are insecure and are kind of 'ganging up' on the 12yr old because they don't want to be in the position of having to accept her just yet?

Equally, she could be having trouble accepting them?

FreudianSlipper Tue 12-Jul-11 15:27:52

yabvu

three months are you really surprised hmm

keep your relationship to each other for now and let them take their time to get used to you both being part of each others lives.

maypole1 Tue 12-Jul-11 16:19:39

God 3 months and your already getting into the wicked sm role back off lady

This is not your sd you are not living together or anything so get your feet out from under his table and zip it you meet her all of a few times and you already trying to call the odds no wonder why their are issues and of course your little darlings did nothing wrong

Sounds like cinders

cjbartlett Tue 12-Jul-11 16:24:38

Why didn't you just say then and there 'why is your dd making this stuff up'
Or have a BBQ so you're all outside and keep an eye on the situation
You could also say to her ' don't you think at 12 it's a bit old for all this'

I wouldn't wantto be with someone though who wasn't fair to my kids
Is he a bit too laidbsck? Does he have her all the time? Is where's her mother in all of this?

M0naLisa Tue 12-Jul-11 16:29:10

I would have said to her

'Your 12 not 6, stop tale telling!'

M0naLisa Tue 12-Jul-11 16:29:10

I would have said to her

'Your 12 not 6, stop tale telling!'

oohjarWhatsit Tue 12-Jul-11 16:32:36

why did you just not ignore it after the third or fourth time

i would have told the girl to stop telling tales and play nicely

bubblesincoffee Tue 12-Jul-11 16:36:03

She's 12, and she probably doesn't want three other females, ie you and your dd, around her Dad.

You are invading her life, and her time with her Dad, what do you expect her to do? I think you need to be a little bit more respectful of how she feels. She might be testing you a bit. Your dd's are younger and that sometimes means they are more accomodating and flexible. That starts to disappear at 12 when you beginning to want a bit of independance and control of your life but you are too immature to actually deal with adult emotions.

You need to seriously avoid saying anything remotely negative to your boyfriend of his dd, or you will become evil stepmother in her eyes very very quickly.

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