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For not wanting to look after my best friend's daughter??

(104 Posts)
ImGoingToHellForThis Tue 12-Jul-11 14:45:27

Name Change because I already know I'm being a nasty bitch but

My best friend of 15 years has just landed herself a job after years of trying. She can get childcare, but not until September. I'm free until September so naturally she asked me. The thing is although I love her to bits I just can't stand to be around her DD sad

The DD is 7 and has been spoilt rotten from the day she was born, she even has a "spoilt" sounding name which I'd love to share but don't want to be TOO obvious. The girl is rude and demanding, sits there on the sofa with her glass in the air which means she wants it topping up. The last time she was here she whacked my puppy across the face with her sandal because he SNIFFED her doll. She has been brought up to believe that EVERYTHING should and will revolve around her and she expects it from other people too, not just her parents. She turns my TV over without asking because at home, she rules the TV. She helps herself to food out of the cupboards whenever she feels like it and screams at the top of her voice if anyone so much as says no to her. I know its the way she's been brought up and I shouldn't blame her but I just can't stand being around her. She spoils every day out we go on by demanding and whinging and complaining and even even spoilt DSs birthday party by screaming because we wouldn't let her open half of the presents (this also meant that the video footage we took of DS with the presents is ruined.)

I know she needs me but the idea of taking this child on full time for 2 months fills me with horror. But she KNOWS I have nothing else on so excusing my decision is going to be so hard. sad

AgentZigzag Tue 12-Jul-11 14:48:31

It might be just the thing she needs wink

RetroHousewife Tue 12-Jul-11 14:48:38

God no, of course YABU.

I do need to know her name, though. My money is on Araminta , Henrietta or Tallulah grin

AgentZigzag Tue 12-Jul-11 14:49:31

And I don't think you're being a nasty bitch.

BitsyVonMuffling Tue 12-Jul-11 14:49:44

Felicity. Or Verruca.

ImGoingToHellForThis Tue 12-Jul-11 14:50:47

Think of how you'd describe a rare diamond - or perhaps an old heirloom

RetroHousewife Tue 12-Jul-11 14:51:06


cheekeymonkey Tue 12-Jul-11 14:51:09

Look at it this way..your house-your rules!

You could get an ideal opportunity to give this child some better parenting?

If your friend doesn't like it she can find someone else, but you never know she may thank you!

BitsyVonMuffling Tue 12-Jul-11 14:51:35

O hell please not Precious.

FriskyMare Tue 12-Jul-11 14:51:47

I would just tell her its too much of a responsibility to look after her DD for the whole summer, why should your holidays be ruined! (I pick up d friends daughter a couple of times a week and she barely speaks to me which I find extremely annoying - don't think I could cope for 6 weeks). Also, was she offering to pay? Could childminding rules come into play here?

bubblesincoffee Tue 12-Jul-11 14:52:28

I want to know her name too!

I was ready to say YABU, if your best friend needs something and you can reasonably do it, then I believe you should. But full time from now until September is just too much to ask, so I'd say no. Has she even offered to pay you?

Could you just say that you want to be able to spend quality time with your own dc over the summer, and maybe offer to do one day a week or something?

mollschambers Tue 12-Jul-11 14:52:29


Surely not?

YA most definitely NBU.

How you get out of it without upsetting your friend I'm not sure...

DurhamDurham Tue 12-Jul-11 14:52:57

"I shall scream an scream and scream until I get what I want!" grin

FriskyMare Tue 12-Jul-11 14:53:22

Has anyone guessed the name yet OP?

pooka Tue 12-Jul-11 14:53:32

I think it's priceless!

mrsmellow Tue 12-Jul-11 14:53:43

Damn, I quite like the name Tallulah.... another one scratched off the list grin
OP you're not being unreasonable, but tough call.. Maybe you could turn this girl around though - with her parents assent - your house, your rules etc? Explain to her parents that would be your condition for doing it. She's young enough to do it I should think?

lesley33 Tue 12-Jul-11 14:54:35

Could you talk to her and say you are worried about taking this on as you both have different ways of parenting. Don't say though that her way is wrong. But you could say that for example, your DC are not allowed to take food they want or decide what programmes to watch and that you would want to treat her DC the same as your own DC.

And then see what she says. If she argues with you about your parenting rules then I would simply say that you don't think its helpful to discuss whose parenting or methods are better - you each make decisions about your DC for your own reasons. But that you wouldn't treat her DC any different to your DC as that would be unfair and confusing for your DC. And you are worried about the impact on your friendship when you stop her DC doing things like taking food from the cupboard that her mother would let her do.

If she says she is happy for you to treat her DC like your DC's then I would look after her DC, but I would be tough with her.

mrsmellow Tue 12-Jul-11 14:54:38

Great minds cheekeymonkey! (note to self, type faster!) smile

going Tue 12-Jul-11 14:56:36

Are you a childminder? If not then say you can't do it as it's not allowed and she can use holiday clubs.

ImGoingToHellForThis Tue 12-Jul-11 14:56:47

The name has been guessed correctly. That's all I'm saying!

The thing is even when you try and say no or anything like she squeals that much that you end up giving in to her just to shut her up, especially in public. One time I took her swimming and she threw her wet swimming costume in a womans face because she wouldn't let her use the cubicle before her. She's just embarrassing and frustrating. DS really doesn't like her either .

ENormaSnob Tue 12-Jul-11 14:57:39

No I wouldn't do it.

It's a huge ask of someone in the first place, even if the child is well behaved.

Bartimaeus Tue 12-Jul-11 14:58:11

Can't you tell your friend you don't want the responsability of looking after someone else's child full-time? It'll mean a lot of extra work on your behalf, any days out you plan you'll have to pay for this child too, food etc. etc.

Was she planning on subbing the extra expenses you'll have?

What if your child or hers becomes ill?

Curlybrunette Tue 12-Jul-11 14:58:26

I am so crap I'd end up agreeing as I'm rubbish at saying mo so I can see how you've been landed with it. It is so wrong of your friend to expect you to do this full time. That is too big an ask.
On the up side you could make the child follow your house rules, if she doesn't she will have to go to one of your dc's bedrooms for 5 mins ( or whatever punishment you would use) and she'll either a) start to behave properly or b) hate it so much she'll complain to her mum you are a witch and refuse to go to your house and her mum will have to pay for childcare like she should have done in the first place

ENormaSnob Tue 12-Jul-11 14:59:09

If your ds doesn't like her either then it's unfair to him IMO.

You have to put your own child first.

lesley33 Tue 12-Jul-11 14:59:57

You see if I was looking after her, I wouldn't give in to her. I would be prepared for a few very difficult days until she has learned that she has to behave with me. But I totally understand why you wouldn't want to take this on.

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