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For being furious at DH telling DSD that my degree isn't a real degree?

(489 Posts)
TooFarGone Tue 12-Jul-11 12:20:44

So DH is sat down with his DD taking about careers etc. He says to her "these days, you need a job that pays at least £20k a year but at the same time, you don't want to be stressing yourself out with difficult degrees and stuff. You want to enjoy your time at uni. That's why I think nursing would be ideal for you! you get to go to uni, you don't have to do a difficult degree and you get a well paid job at the end of it!".

So DSD says "But isn't a degree in nursing going to be just as difficult?" and he replied "no course not, they call it a degree but its not like a real degree".

I'm furious as I worked bloody hard to get my degree and he knows this. It isn't an "easy option" at all. I had it out with him and he apologised for upsetting me but still maintains that nursing is an easy alternative to doing a "real" degree.

itsastrawpoll Tue 12-Jul-11 12:22:24

No, YANBU.

But in his defence it sounds like he was struggling to find the words "academic degree" versus "vocational degree".

MillyR Tue 12-Jul-11 12:23:22

I have never heard anyone say that a nursing degree was easier than other degrees. I would have thought it was more difficult than some degress.

SparkleRainbow Tue 12-Jul-11 12:23:48

shock No I don't think you are being unreasonable. I would be extremely offended if my dh or anyone said that. Nursing is a vocation, but you have to get a degree and study hard, just as hard as many other degrees.

ImperialBlether Tue 12-Jul-11 12:23:57

He's unreasonable on so many counts.

He should be encouraging her to go for a job that pays more than £20K.

He should be encouraging her to stretch her mind, rather than go for the easiest alternative.

Nursing is not a well paid job.

However, I can see what he means re the difficult degree. It isn't an academic degree in the same way that Philosophy is, is it?

TooFarGone Tue 12-Jul-11 12:24:42

Well in the argument that followed he did say he'd meant it would be easier than her studying say - physics for 3 years etc

Maybe it was just the wrong choice of words but I saw it as him downplaying my achievements.

OhBuggerandArse Tue 12-Jul-11 12:24:50

His thoughts about your degree aside, I would have thought the bigger problem is that he clearly has a rather sexist and condescending attitude to women. Not a good way for a father to speak to his daughter - I suggest she gets some advice from someone who will take her and her aspirations seriously. Perhaps that could be you?

TotalChaos Tue 12-Jul-11 12:24:58

yanbu. As a matter of courtesy/respect he shouldn't be so disparaging of your degree, even if it was in Beckham studies. But as someone who did what your DH would consider a "real" degree, I have full respect for nursing training - whether it's degree or diploma based, people's lives in your hands on a daily basis in hospital, it's a highly skilled and responsible profession.

ImperialBlether Tue 12-Jul-11 12:25:07

Yes, Sparkle, he was unreasonable insinuating that she hadn't worked hard. But nursing isn't always a vocation, is it? I've been nursed many times by people who couldn't give a damn.

SortingHardHat Tue 12-Jul-11 12:25:32

YANBU if anything your degree is one of the hardest ones to attain! What a twat.

ImperialBlether Tue 12-Jul-11 12:25:41

What are his achievements?

BelleDameSansMerci Tue 12-Jul-11 12:25:53

Patronising sod...

Is this about the degree or the sex of the people perceived as most likely to take it??

MillyR Tue 12-Jul-11 12:26:34

Almost all degrees are going to be easier than a Physics degree though.

I am not a nurse, so don't know what is studied. What makes people think a nursing degree has less academic content than a degree in say, biomedical Science?

cory Tue 12-Jul-11 12:29:36

Your dh is wrong on so many levels it makes my head reel.

If he thinks a degree in nursing is the route to an easy life, then his head must be way up his arse.

If he thinks a degree in nursing is an easy degree, then perhaps he should look at the actual course descriptions.

If he thinks your dd should not worry her pretty little head about anything too academic (because she is a girl perhaps? hmm), he should examine exactly why that is. Would he feel threatened by a daughter who might be more successful than himself? Does he feel a need to tell himself that your qualifications aren't really real qualifications?

(I had a friend at uni whose dad desperately wanted to talk her out of doing PhD: he was very anxious that she should settle for a traditional woman's job, such as being a librarian. Obviously far more to do with his inadequacies than my friend who was pretty brilliant)

bruffin Tue 12-Jul-11 12:30:30

YABU - not that long ago you had two entry levels to nursing cse's or o'levels for the higher entry. Why does it need a degree nowadays? Are nurses any better educated because they now need a "degree" , I very much doubt it.
In the "old days" only the top 15% managed to get 5 o'level passes (remember a d was a failure) nowadays 50% are expected to get a degree.

eurochick Tue 12-Jul-11 12:33:26

He sounds like a sexist twonk.

megapixels Tue 12-Jul-11 12:33:53

YANBU. I think he's giving crap advice anyway. The aim of university is to have fun and avoid difficult degrees? hmm And is £20K a huge salary to aspire to or something? confused

fanjobanjowanjo Tue 12-Jul-11 12:36:24

"Almost all degrees are going to be easier than a Physics degree though.

I am not a nurse, so don't know what is studied. What makes people think a nursing degree has less academic content than a degree in say, biomedical Science? "

It's largely practically based is the difference. I live with a nursing student BTW.

LilBB Tue 12-Jul-11 12:37:15

I think he was being very patronising. Perhaps he was confused about the diploma/degree? However they don't do the diploma anymore. I can assure him it's not an easy degree. My sister did the diploma and was exhausted. She was in placements a lot. Working night sometimes, helping look after seriously ill children, seeing some of these children die. That's hard at 18 when you are studying too.

Does his daughter want to be a nurse? Why does he think it's well paid?

fanjobanjowanjo Tue 12-Jul-11 12:38:22

It's harder than your average degree as you get many less holidays than the rest of the uni as you are doing placements as well as uni studies - for example the nurse I live with gets 3weeks this summer then nothing until january next year.

Ephiny Tue 12-Jul-11 12:38:31

Of course nursing is a 'real' degree - I don't have direct experience of the course so can't say how difficult/eas, but I believe it's a fairly demanding three years, and is offered by prestigious Russell Group universities, so don't see what isn't 'real' about it.

Why does he seem to think that a more academic degree would be too 'difficult' for his DD?

I did a Maths degree, generally considered to be a 'hard' subject, I'm convinced it's actually one of the easiest degrees out there. No lab work, no clinical experience, no essays, no reading list, exam-heavy so no time-consuming coursework - I certainly had a very easy and stress-free experience compared to most others, and managed to get a First all the same.

Insomnia11 Tue 12-Jul-11 12:38:45

Law is vocational. Doesn't mean the degree isn't bloody difficult or that it isn't a real degree. Same goes for nursing.

Horses for courses. A lot of my friends who were scientifically inclined said they wouldn't be able to do a Law/French degree. I couldn't do a nursing degree, nor teaching, nor midwifery not social work.

Nagini Tue 12-Jul-11 12:38:51

ohbuggerandarse said what I wanted to.

what does your DSD actually want to do?

steamedtreaclesnape Tue 12-Jul-11 12:40:56

What an idiot. Does she actually want to do nursing anyway? I can't imagine that it's an 'easy' degree in the slightest.

And aiming for a £20k salary also sounds pretty feeble to me. And why on earth can't you enjoy yourself at university whilst doing an academic degree? They're not mutually exclusive.

It sounds like he has some really sexist, old-fashioned attitudes.

niceguy2 Tue 12-Jul-11 12:41:23

Your DH is clearly deluded if he thinks that earning 20k is a lot for a degree edcuated student whom will be in lots of debt. He's also an idiot to suggest going for an easy degree rather than a tough one.

It's now more important than ever to get a degree which is relevant to the job you want to do. So computing, engineering, marketing, business studies, languages...they're all good solid degrees which will hopefully stand you in good stead.

What your DSD should avoid are the soft degrees like Media Studies, Philosophy, Politics (unless she wants to be a politician) or the more bizzare degrees like "David Beckham Studies" & "Surfing Studies"

Nursing is a bloody tough job and regardless of whether or not its an easy degree, it pays well so from that point of view I think it would be a good one to take if she wanted to.

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