In wanting to get off the merry-go-round?(18 Posts)
Can I just moan?
sick of the moaning and whingeing and complaining.
sick of the washing and cleaning
sick of the tantrums
DH is worse than DS
sick of the solitude
it feels like groundhog day
there has to be more to life than this?
where did my life go?
How old is DS, Elemis?
I sometimes wonder how I managed to fall into the same roles as my mum: how come it's always me who cleans the house, empties the dishwasher, organises DD's school stuff, organises the holidays, makes the packed lunches, etc., etc? DH does the once in a while stuff, the jobs that need done once a year or once a week, but my life seems to be a treadmill of chores.
What I resent is that the things DH does (DIY things mainly) have an end and a sense of accomplishment. Something is ACHIEVED. I don't feel like I'm achieving much scrubbing the high chair for the third time in one day, putting a wash round and ironing. It's so repetitive and bleurgh.
I have felt (and this is with working 2 days a week!) that achievement has bottomed out of my life since having dd.
He's nearly 4, Euphemia he's adorable mainly, but he thinks he knows best. and bathtime/bedtime is becoming a battleground.
And he wet the bed last night
He's been dry for nearly 6 months, really not sure what that is all about?
He's at nursery now, and I'm just thinking about all the things I have to do.
yeah pommedechocolat- the best day I had recently was when I put up a mirror and toilet roll holder and hooks on back of doors. Felt like I had achieved something. Also been waiting 6 months for DH to do it!
I feel like I have a continuous list of stuff that needs done, and I never get to the end of it.
I work three days a week, so when I get home there's always
Tidying up, especially the kitchen as it seems to look like a bombsite every day;
Emptying the dishwasher and putting the stuff away;
Making packed lunches;
Checking DD's homework (DH does it with her, but there are usually errors/omissions );
Assorted crap that crops up.
Then weekly there's the laundry and the cleaning and trying to train DH and DD to keep the place tidy. Sigh! It's never ending!
Also my dad's ill and MIL is needy and I relish a Sunday when we're not dashing off to see one or other of them!
We're also hoping that DH will get a job offer soon and we'll move house, so now we are trying to get the place in a decent state to put on the market. More jobs and upheaval!
It feels never ending, each day I just want to make it to the end of it and then it all starts again. Groundhog day exactly!
DD1 2.8, with all the tantrums that that age involves, potty training etc. DD2 5 months and lovely but causing sleep deprivation. I really wanted to make the most of this maternity leave but feel like it is slipping away in monotony an.d some days I wish I was back at work and I don't even like my job!!
DH is great, but unless your the one dealing with it on a daily endless basis you can't really understand.
The to do list is never finished, some things have been on there for 6 months plus.
I just want a break, and feel terrible for wanting it. DH plays cricket and I am so jealous that he gets that time away each week. But DD2 is still BF so the most I can get is an hour to go to the dentist or something equally exciting!!
I wish I was a better mother and just enjoyed it more...I adore my girls but just want a good nights sleep and a day to myself!
And the mail.
I leave DH's out, and it ends up in little piles everywhere.
I tidy up(just put it in one pile) and he complains
And the bins, and the recycling and the dishwasher, they are the ones that get on my nerves
and putting the washing away, we don't have enough space, I am constantly rearranging drawers.
And if I ask DH one more time to go through his drawers and throw some stuff out I think I will scream
I am a very organised person, mainly because I cannot hold in my head all the stuff I need to do, appointments, etc. coming up.
I carry a Filofax so I can jot things down quickly (eg dentists' appointments, rather than taking a wee card from them which I am liable to lose), and we have a family calendar at home. I spend time every week making sure the two are consistent.
Then DH looks pissy when he asks what time DD's hospital appointment is next week, and I don't know. "It's on the calendar," I say, and he looks at me like I've told him to fuck off and find out for himself. "I don't have all these details in my head, they're on the calendar!" I say.
Sometimes I think I'm too competent: DH and DD expect me to know everything, have solutions for everything, and just to run their whole lives!
I personally love the day to day stuff, routine and organisation keep me sane and I feel like a proper normal person when I am looking after the kids, running the house and doing all the bits and pieces that my partner can't do because he is out at work.
To me it is preferable to some of the periods of my life where things weren't stable or I felt out of control and overwhelmed by life.
Yep I have had my fill for this week too................and it's only Tuesday !!!! grrrr.
So as well as asking me about DD's hospital appointment, and confusing the afterschool holiday club last week about which days DD is in this week (it's on the calendar!), DH has just texted me to ask when DD is due home from an afterschool club trip today ... err he's the one who filled out the permission slip yesterday, which had the details on it!
Why is it always me who is expected to know everything? Argh!
You have to find something you enjoy doing, which will go a long way to neutralize the things you hate doing. The activities you mention are part of life, and dh should be contributing, as should ds, as appropriate for his age.
Also it is possible to enjoy routine tasks like cleaning, if you put on some good music/ radio or podcast. In Grounghog day, he only got to move on in his life once he accepted his situation and made the best of it. Have you got a friend who you could swap dcs with so that you can get a afternoon to yourself once a week?
It does get easier as the get older
My children are older: 12 and 14. One has finished for the holidays, the other is still at school. Until tomorrow. We have a trip to Devon coming up at the weekend, followed by the arrival of an exchange student, immediately followed by a family visit to Scotland.
Today and yesterday all I have really done is clean, do laundry, hang it out, iron it, change beds, shop for food. I work freelance and it's lucky there wasn't any today. But the house still looks untidy, even though I've been on the case all day. Why?
Feeling a bit better today, had job interview and dreaming now of how much I will achieve!! And will outsource all the jobs that need doing at home!!
Good for you Elemis, fingers crossed you get the job.
Like many on here, I feel the same. In fact I've been on strike for housework this week, as I'm trying to get my own business going at the same time as full-time childcare of my toddler. Dh away on business for a couple of days. Got a dog that moults and needs exercising, and live overseas so although we have friends scattered around nobody that close for non-prearranged company or help.
Can't afford a cleaner and wouldn't justify it unless we had two incomes anyway. Fed up. Fed up of every other stay-at-home parent's house being immaculate every time we go around.
Miss achievements. Although my mum tells me I'm doing the best for dd, she's developing into a bright stable loving child etc etc, but I'm not really seeing any special results any friends who work full-time don't get either.
Moan moan moan. I have to try really hard not to moan when I see friends, as nobody likes that. I'm not really a moaner. I never used to be. I never dreamt I'd be in this position though, I thought I'd be changing the world, achieving worthwhile stuff and creating things. Stuff, things. Now I'm surrounded by it all on a very different level. Not to mention the bloody dog hair.
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