Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

AIBU?

To not want my parents to come on holiday with us

15 replies

clpsmum · 11/07/2011 22:16

ive booked a holiday abroad for myself, my hubby and children for next summer. It was to be a surprise for my husband but have now had to tell him as my parents came to stay and announced "we've got a surprise for you we are coming on holiday with you next year"
AIBU that I don't actually want my parents to hijack our holiday? I really don't want them to come but don't know how to tell them without it causing world war 3. Any advice/suggestions greatly appreciated

OP posts:

Report

posterofagirl · 11/07/2011 22:24

I think the standard MN advice for these situations is that 'no' is a complete sentence.

WinkyWinkola · 11/07/2011 22:27

Well it might cause WW III but they've put you in a position where you have to make a decision. What do you want? And your dh? It matters what you want your holiday and with parents as assertive as this, you'll have to be bold or just pissed off

AgentZigzag · 11/07/2011 22:27

You're going to have to tell them you don't want them to come, which they would have found out if they'd bothered to ask!

The cheek of them

Are they always like this?

If they want to cause WWIII, let 'em, that'd be their business.

clpsmum · 11/07/2011 22:31

Yes they are always like this and it drives me insane. They have no patience with my children and generally stress me out!

OP posts:

bubblesincoffee · 11/07/2011 22:32

Well, they are going to be hurt when you tell them, but ask yourself who you would rather upset, your dh or your parents. Your dh who had his surprise ruined, or your parents who interfered and didn't even stop to consider your feelings.

If you want to sweeten it a bit, could you do a long weekend somewhere nice with them instead?

AgentZigzag · 11/07/2011 22:39

Right, well if they're always like this then it's high time you put your foot down and asserted yourself.

You don't have to get angry or be rude to them, just be firm and persistent in telling them what you have decided is happening on your holiday and that they aren't included in that plan.

If the don't like it tough.

You're an adult now and don't have to do as you're told.

redexpat · 11/07/2011 22:40

'We're really touched that you want to spend time with us, but we really need some time away as a family. Perhaps you might like to come to (insert appropriate day trip/festival/bank holiday weekend) with us instead?'

ImperialBlether · 11/07/2011 22:44

Interesting the different responses on the two identical threads!

AgentZigzag · 11/07/2011 22:44

Strictly speaking I would see a suggestion of doing something else with them as backing up that you owe them something saying they can't come.

This would encourage in them a belief they're entitled to crash in on your lives any time they want.

clpsmum · 11/07/2011 22:47

Imperial - not sure how I managed to post it twice! That will teach me to try and post in temper lol!

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 11/07/2011 22:48

Worst is when you start a thread in a temper and nobody responds!

LynetteScavo · 11/07/2011 22:51

"We're coming on holiday with you next year" as in "We are paying for us all to go away together" ?

MCos · 11/07/2011 23:15

How about just overlapping a few days? You guys go first, and have your parents arrive maybe 2-4 days before you leave?
Will also recommend that you plan to go your own way as much as possible. Maybe make arrangements to meet up at lunch or dinner, but do your own thing outside that. Especially if your parents are not patient with the kids. Paint it as 'giving them a break'! (ha ha)

heleninahandcart · 12/07/2011 00:03

YANBU I have never understood why people do this although it seems to be enjoyed by lots of families. So absolutely not, not even for part of it as any it won't be the same at all and you've no guarantees they will keep to a short stay.

Would it work if you said no, I have a special surprise for DH and its all set now we'd like to do that one alone? Are they the type to turn up at the villa next door if you give too much away? I like the idea of the weekend away thing to soften the blow.

wicketkeeper · 12/07/2011 22:36

They have no patience with my children and generally stress me out! So why exactly are they wanting to come, and why are you even worrying about offending them??

Do they normally come on holiday with you? Why do they want to come this time? Is the surprise for your DH for a particular reason (big birthday, anniversary), or just for fun? I'm afraid you're going to just have to say no. You will be spending, I assume, a reasonable amount of money on this holiday, and it will be wasted if you're not going to enjoy yourself. Some people just don't know when they're not needed, and have to be told in words of one syllable.

I have a theory that most of us have to tell our parents to b**r off at some point. Some people do it in their teens, other struggle on until later. Trust me, once you've told them, they will have more respect for you.

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.