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To think I must do something about this boy but what?

(22 Posts)
depob Mon 11-Jul-11 22:08:53

DS 13 at boys school. Bullied and largely friendless for two years, this year lots happier, recently mentioning a new name regularly. Finally met the new friend yesterday, seems a lovely person, very gentle character...and obviously (to me) gay.
No problem, I thought, he is a friend, that's all that matters, and hopefully be a good friend for a long time.
But later in the day DS mentioned another boy's Fb page, just 'in passing', and tonight I had a look. Oh dear. A picture of DS and the new friend apparently holding hands - though what they are really doing is both holding an ipod. With a nasty comment below. Also a video of the friend from recent sports day at the school with another nasty homophobic comment.
Horrid for the boy but also trickyfor DS.
What to do? School is very trad and old-fashioned, not sure what view they would take of it.

chicletteeth Mon 11-Jul-11 22:13:04

I don't get it.
What do you want to do?
Not a nice comment certainly, but has it escalated into anything else?

FrameyMcFrame Mon 11-Jul-11 22:13:05

You must go to the school and tell them asap.
This is online bullying and discrimination on the grounds of sexuality.
The school needs to know and to take action.

chicletteeth Mon 11-Jul-11 22:13:56

Sorry, just read your OP properly.
You need to go to the school.

EdnaKrabappel Mon 11-Jul-11 22:14:39

I think you should bring this to the school's attention. Make a screen grab of the pages in question and go see the form tutor / year head / housemaster / headmaster, whoever appropriate.

their response may inform you as to whether you really want your ds in a school where he could be bullied for 2 years and then face homophobic comments.

Ismeyes Mon 11-Jul-11 22:15:10

Well it sounds to me like two boys who feel like they don't 'fit in' with the crowd, forming a friendship which will do them both the world of good.

If gay even comes into it at 13, how do you know this boy is gay and how do you know your DS is now?

Ismeyes Mon 11-Jul-11 22:17:13

is not even. Pah. I give up. Agree, approach the school about online bullying and homophobia. Ignore me.

blackeyedsusan Mon 11-Jul-11 22:18:51

tell the school. it is online bullying.

MumblingRagDoll Mon 11-Jul-11 22:21:38

She's not sayng her son is gay Ismyeyes shes saying that other boys are saying her son and his friend are.
Even if either of them were there is NOway these boys should get away with posing homophobic comments.

Speak to the school

or wait till you can get the ringleader alone and twat him

MumblingRagDoll Mon 11-Jul-11 22:22:15

X posts Ismyeyes

MoonGirl1981 Mon 11-Jul-11 22:27:18

Or report comments to facebook?

They could just remove and block the people making the comments.

You could even get the police involved as its a discriminatory thing.

(Just realised this is the third post tonight where I suggested calling the police)!

depob Mon 11-Jul-11 22:28:21

Sorry, maybe I should have been clearer...I am worried that DS may get bullied because of his association with the friend, but equally bothered that the friendship could be damaged - as DS could really do with a friend!

redexpat Mon 11-Jul-11 22:33:50

Print off the FB page. Go to the school. Homophobic bullying affects those who are perceived to be gay. Unless you want your son shouted at in the city centre by people he's never even met, or pushed off his bike into traffic on a main road and the continual threat of violence hanging over him (me at an all girls school) then the school have GOT to do some kind of tolerance education. I'd also have the number of the local police somewhere.

EdnaKrabappel Mon 11-Jul-11 22:34:05

well either way you still need to draw this to the school's attention. their pupils are bullying other pupils online, making homophobic comments. one of those pupils is your son - so he's already being bullied. Telling him not to be friends with the only friend he has at school so that he can avoid being bullied isn't really the way out is it?

MumblingRagDoll Mon 11-Jul-11 22:35:51

Your son is getting bullied anyway! He has a friend now...and that is only a good thing. The school needs to stamp on this.

MsTeak Mon 11-Jul-11 22:37:37

so to be clear, you only care about your own child and his interests, and not in the slightest about the friend?
hmm

hester Mon 11-Jul-11 22:49:07

Well, you're not going to try to stop the friendship, are you? So that only leaves you the option to try to do something about the bullying. Is that what you're asking?

AlabamaWorley Mon 11-Jul-11 23:46:49

MsTeak, whatba stupid comment. Of course parents care about their own children andbtheir interests. Other people's kids come second.

EverythingInMinature Tue 12-Jul-11 00:13:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

depob Tue 12-Jul-11 22:16:35

EverythingInMinature - its the boy who posted the stuff on his facebook page who I need to do something about.
MsTeak - You have a point...yes my concerns are 1, my son, 2 his friendship, 3 his friend, in that order.
EdnaKrabappe - I took a screen shot, am keeping it just in case things escalate, Very good advice.
redexpat - god that sounds awful. How long ago was that? Sadly it seems anti-gay stuff is as rife now in schools as it was in the old days.

Anyway I did 'do something', I rang the friends mother and said she might want to look at this Fb page. She was heroic! She immediately rang the other boy's mother, told her what was going on. Other mother appalled, immediately told her son to delete the pictures and comments.
I then told DS what I had done, thinking he'd be really pleased. He said it was the worst thing I could have done, that it goes on all the time, that it will now have a new lease of life and people at school will go on about it forever.
Moral of this story..maybe, keep a close eye on your child's Fb page, and those of their friends.

MsTeak Tue 12-Jul-11 23:19:39

second maybe, OP didn't seem to have anyone but her child anywhere in her sights.
Really, if you think its stupid to care at all about any other child other than your own, I pity your child, to be honest Alabama. hmm

EdnaKrabappel Tue 12-Jul-11 23:21:58

If it goes on all the tiime, why isn't the school doing anything? Do you really not think someone needs to raise it with the school? Your poor ds and his poor friend to have to put up with this, and from your son's reaction, more of the same now. sad

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