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AIBU?

Neighbour making me wary of leaving the house!

21 replies

IDrinkFromTheirSkulls · 11/07/2011 16:50

We have a neighbour who is seriously making me nervous about leaving my own house!

She walks up and down the street constantly, if I venture out with ds she stops us and has to have a big conversation about "Where's daddy?" (At work) "Is he good?" (Yes) "How old is he now?" (1 day older than the last time you asked!). Yes I know she is trying to be nice but it gets very annoying after the 89th time!

Worse though is how she constantly wants to pick ds up and tried to kiss him on the lips! If he is in the pushchair obviously she can't pick him up but she leans into the pram! If we are walking ds mainly just ignores her as he toddles along.

Yesterday when this happened she repeatedly kept shouting "Sod you then!" after ds (in a joking way because he was ignoring her) and calling him a little bugger. I appreciate she was being sarcastic or whatever but the way she kept on repeating it annoyed me, he's 11 months old ffs!

When we moved we were told by the other neighbours that this woman likes to bring everyone's bins in (and she reminds us of this everytime we see her!) and the neighbour also said that they think she maybe SN. I am aware that I can't just tell her to piss off (and I wouldn't want to do this to a neighbour anyway!) But I don't know how to handle this, there is no way to avoid her because she is out practically all the time!

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stupefy · 11/07/2011 16:51

I'd have to move house

sausagesandmarmelade · 11/07/2011 16:56

Definitely something wrong there....mentally ill.

Not sure what you can do....but you can't let her control what you do. You have to go about your business...but just politely tell her that you can't stop as you are in a hurry or something.

Be strong!!

Tchootnika · 11/07/2011 17:02

Clearly some sort of mental health issue.
Could you try saying (politely but firmly), something along the lines of: "Oh, I'm very tired today/my head hurts/we're in a big hurry, so please don't shout/try and hug and kiss DS..."
It might be that if you can just manage to break the habit the one time (and keep things at manageable level with similar firm reasoning), then she'll cease and desist (to some extent, at least).
I really do feel for you, though. This sort of thing is really difficult to cope with.

hellospoon · 11/07/2011 17:04

We had this once, we used to check outside to make sure she wasn't there and we would run out quickly.

All you can do is everytime you see her say sorry can't stop I am in a rush, and just keep walking regardless. She will get the hint eventually.

hellospoon · 11/07/2011 17:04

We had this once, we used to check outside to make sure she wasn't there and we would run out quickly.

All you can do is everytime you see her say sorry can't stop I am in a rush, and just keep walking regardless. She will get the hint eventually.

IDrinkFromTheirSkulls · 11/07/2011 17:09

I will try some more obvious hinting then!

I get the impression a lot of the other neighbours ignore her altogether, the ones that don't, don't have kids so she doesn't seem as "attached" to them.

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Tchootnika · 11/07/2011 17:19

A word of advice, Skulls.
Make sure your 'hints' are (polite) orders, rather than requests!

sssj72 · 11/07/2011 17:32

Do you have a back gate ? If so could you go in and out the back way . If not I would smile & say hello but keep walking assertively & if she says anything just say sorry I need to be somewhere / I am running late .

Rhinestone · 11/07/2011 18:11

Tricky situation but SN or not, your DS has a right to be left alone and if you don't want someone kissing him then that's that. I would be very firm if necessary, "Don't do that please, he doesn't like it,' and "Please don't swear at my baby, he's only 11 months."

Does she live with family? If so, would you feel up to having a word?

ObiWan · 11/07/2011 18:20

Ohhh.... she's not about 5'4, thinnish, 49ish, with short hair and living with her parents is she?

Just asking like. Perhaps there's more than one

IDrinkFromTheirSkulls · 11/07/2011 18:48

Obi wan, how did you know? seriously, pretty accurate description there!

Unfortunately my back gate is next to the front door and I think she lives alone and yes I do need to be more assertive I hate vein mean to people who are only trying to be nice but doing that to ds is just not on.

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MoonGirl1981 · 11/07/2011 18:48

She's probably just lonely and wants a chat but swearing at your child is absolutely UNACEPTABLE! (Have I spelt that right?)

Use it as an excuse. Next time walk away quickly and if she questions it tell her that last time you spoke to her she swore at your child and you wish to avoid it happening again!

I must say; you're a bigger person than me. If someone had said 'sod you then' to my child I'd have gone a teeny bit mental myself!

IDrinkFromTheirSkulls · 11/07/2011 20:42

I agree MoonGirl, dh and I were both there when she did it and we exchanged a couple of "don't start" glances at each other! [hgrin] I'm surprised at both of our calmness...once we got in we had a right rant about it! I just didn't feel that considering the way she is, saying anything would have made the situation better (and I really don't want a war with the neighbours - been there done that!). I just wanted to get away from her.

Next time I go out I'm afraid it's going to be with headphones in and dh in the mei tai so she can't get to him! And yes I can see myself always being horribly late for some urgent appointment which means I can't stop for anything [hwink]

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IDrinkFromTheirSkulls · 11/07/2011 20:43

Ahhh! I pressed "post" and as it was processing I saw my huge typo!

DS will be in the mei tai not dh!!!! [hgrin]

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IDrinkFromTheirSkulls · 11/07/2011 20:43

[hgrin]

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IDrinkFromTheirSkulls · 11/07/2011 20:44

More importantly, why aren't my wizard smilies working [hsad]

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TalesOfTheUnexpected · 11/07/2011 21:00

Tough one. She is clearly being inappropriate but does not realise it.

You need to be firm and just move past her, don't let her engage you in conversation. A polite "hello, we're just off to......" wherever.

I have 2 sons with SN. I worry about their future. They think everyone is their friend. They invade peoples space. It's extremely hard to teach them what is appropriate and what is not.

However, just because someone has SN does not mean you have to put up with this type of behaviour. Be bolder. Brush past and get on your way.

IDrinkFromTheirSkulls · 11/07/2011 21:10

Tales I'm glad you understand, I'd hate to think that people think it is because she appears to have SN that I have a problem. It's not that at all, and if her behaviour was being directed at me instead of ds I wouldn't be that bothered.

I would hate for her to think I was being mean but I think it's going to be difficult to get the message across without offending her somehow.

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SJisontheway · 11/07/2011 21:19

Sounds pretty harmless to me. Be polite. Set boundaries. No big deal.

justinhawkinsnavalfluff · 11/07/2011 21:29

We have a neighbour who talks at us by shouting from his window and insists on talking to my ds despite calling him a different name even though we have told him the right one I find it really rude to be shouted at and even my 3 yr old has started to ignore him lots of sympathy but I also find just ignoring him the only way to get up the road!

joric · 11/07/2011 21:45

Poor woman- totally inappropriate behaviour but does sound MI :(
Leave or approach your house and keep on walking as you get closer to her, keep going and pass her whilst at the same time answering her questions looking back if necessary. A kindly yes or no is enough and a 'got to rush now'... :( doesn't hurt her and you get to go on your way.

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