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to think my BiL shouldn't kiss me on the lips?

(63 Posts)
iceandsliceplease Mon 11-Jul-11 13:11:56

Just come home from a weekend with the inlaws and whilst it was all very lovely there were one or two moments of...well, <weirdness>...

DP & I have been together 12 years, have two DCs, and spend a reasonable amount of time with his family. I've always got on well with DPs siblings who both live at the family home now, having finished uni, and they are great with our DCs when we go to stay. BiL is quite a few years younger than I am, and is absolutely hero-worshipped by DS, to the extent that when we stay, DS will sleep in BiLs room. Which brings us to the first weirdness...

I'd taken DS up to his bed (zedbed type affair next to BiLs double bed), and I was semi-lying on BiLs bed, reading the story when BiL came in. I said I'd just finish the chapter and then go (assuming he wanted to change or something as he was planning to go out), he said fine, pootled about a bit, then laid down on the bed I was already on, apparently ready to go to sleep. I felt a <bit> self-conscious about this, but just finished reading, saw that DS was asleep and left.

Then when we were leaving, I was in the living room with both DCs and BiL. Kids said goodbye to BiL, I went to give him a distanced hug and peck on the cheek (usual method of saying 'hello' and 'goodbye' to all members of DPs family), when he put his arms around me and kissed the top of my head (DPs family are all much, much taller than I am, as I am an utter short arse). I said 'Thanks very much for a great weekend and for keeping the kids entertained' (actually I said it into his chest as still had his arms around me), went to give him the usual peck on the cheek and at that precise moment, he turned his head and kissed me full on the lips. It felt very weird and very wrong.

I really can't decide if I'm being oversensitive and blowing this out of all proportion, or if he's being slightly inappropriate, but I feel very, very odd about it.

OTheHugeManatee Mon 11-Jul-11 13:17:41

The first incident seems like nothing much. A full smacker on the lips is a bit hmm though.

Do he and his brother have the same taste in women perhaps? confused

knittedbreast Mon 11-Jul-11 13:18:15

if you felt uncomfortable then its innapropriate

Tchootnika Mon 11-Jul-11 13:20:10

Was this part of a wider range of behaviour that's a bit yik, or a surprising one off (IYSWIM?)
Speaking as a fellow short-arse, I know how weirdly off target tall peopl's kisses can be... grin

OpinionatedPlusSprogs Mon 11-Jul-11 13:21:32

That's inappropriate. Coupled with lying next to you on the bed he is certainly making a pass. Have you told DP?

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows Mon 11-Jul-11 13:21:57

My uncle always kisses me on the lips. While staring in to my eyes <shudder>

itisnearlysummer Mon 11-Jul-11 13:23:32

what knitted breast said.

What is normal for me and my bil wouldn't be normal for my DH and his sil. So it depends.

does sound a bit odd though...

BlueFergie Mon 11-Jul-11 13:24:54

Could it have just been a mistake? You know didn't realise you were going to kiss him on cheek and moved his head and ended up you getting his lips instead?

If not this and deliberate then a bit weird and I would be uncomfortable.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie Mon 11-Jul-11 13:29:58

Had he been drinking ? That can make people behave differently.

Either ways if it made you feel uncomfortable it's wrong and if he tries it again you should tell him so !

iceandsliceplease Mon 11-Jul-11 13:35:57

knitted breast - that's kind of my take on it, but I don't want to sound like some weeping delicate flower type.

he's not normally yikky tchoot, he usually treats me in the same way as he does his sister, so this was a surprising one off. Like you say, a giant kissing a short arse can go way off targetgrin, it's just that he had already kissed me (or at least my hair, again, evidence of height mismatchedness), so I wasn't expecting another kiss.

I've never had any creepy or lechy vibes from him at all in the past, which is another reason why this has freaked me out a tad.

Chickens - my uncle used to do that too. And he'd put both hands on the backs of my elbows so I couldn't pull away <boak>

iceandsliceplease Mon 11-Jul-11 13:49:44

opinionated, I haven't said anything to DP as I didn't want to create a fuss over something that other people may not think of as weird/inappropriate. I'm waiting to see what the consensus of opinion here is first, and then I'll decide!

MooMooFarm Mon 11-Jul-11 13:55:04

Eek - to me it sounds very wrong and wierd.

What happened immediately afterwards? Did he say anything or act strange or embarrassed? I'm just trying to rule out the possibility of it being aimed badly!

Did you say anything to him afterwards?

I once accidentally kissed my (female and much much much older than me) boss on the lips - I had given her a lift to the airport and she went to give me a kiss on the cheek and I turned the wrong way and gave her a smacker!

But back to you - I would mention it to your DP - as casually as you can and see what he thinks. I would feel funny about keeping it to myself if this had happened to me.

HPonEverything Mon 11-Jul-11 13:58:24

The bed thing is not that odd is it? It is his bedroom after all and it sounds like he's being quite accommodating having your son in there with him.

The kiss might have been an 'awkward, missing the target' type mistake.

Is it possible you're merging two 'odd events' into inappropriate behaviour when in fact they were both quite innocent in themselves?

itisnearlysummer Mon 11-Jul-11 14:03:56

But a missing the target on the lips kiss doesn't generally make you feel uncomfortable. A bit embarrassed maybe but not uncomfortable.

When I was at university a much older than me male lecturer once kissed me on the lips when I went for a cheek kiss and he turned his head last minute.

But it didn't make me feel uncomfortable.

Tell your DH. I wouldn't keep it to yourself, it's like you're keeping a secret then.

OpinionatedPlusSprogs Mon 11-Jul-11 14:09:32

If it was just a poor aim he would have appeared embarrassed and apologised. Did he?

MooMooFarm Mon 11-Jul-11 14:09:53

Mmm I agree. When I accidentally kissed my boss I went to great lengths to explain how I didn't mean to and show her how embarrassed I was! I couldn't have not said anything about it...

YoungishBag Mon 11-Jul-11 14:14:08

He wants to stick his trouser snake in you.

It's not complicated grin

MooMooFarm Mon 11-Jul-11 14:14:59

Well thats helpful isn't it grin

OpinionatedPlusSprogs Mon 11-Jul-11 14:15:48

A man just doesn't kiss his brothers wife on the lips and act like nothing has happened..

itisnearlysummer Mon 11-Jul-11 14:16:49

Not by accident anyway...

iceandsliceplease Mon 11-Jul-11 14:23:05

MooMoo - I just moved towards the door, feeling very awkward and avoided looking at him (and as I did so, realised that we were alone in the room) and said a cheery 'yepthanksbye!' as we both went downstairs to where everyone else was. DP, DCs & I left five minutes later. TBH I don't know if he would have said anything either way - I think if anyone else had been in the room I probably would have made a jokey (and doubtless vulgar) remark, but I was just a bit confused.
HP, you're very possibly right - it was his bed, and I was the one who was semi-lying/lounging on it in the first place! I know I've been overthinking this, because I'm analysing any contact we had over the weekend and asking myself 'was that normal? was that ok?'. I've even been trying to remember if he gave my DC a kiss when they said goodbye!

iceandsliceplease Mon 11-Jul-11 14:26:14

computer just froze and when I refreshed I saw youngishBag's comments - thank you! I just snotted on the keyboard!

And to confirm, he did not apologise, but then, neither did I.

MooMooFarm Mon 11-Jul-11 14:33:12

Well however you did or didn't react can be explained by your shock at the time. The same could apply to him if it was an accident, I suppose.

I would still expect him to have said something though - after all, you're his SIL - surely if he didn't mean to make you think he was trying it on with his SIL, he would be falling over himself to explain that he wasn't, wouldn't he?

2rebecca Mon 11-Jul-11 14:36:05

Why was an adult going to bed at the same time as a wee boy who has a story read to him? It all sounds a bit odd. Is your BIL just a teenager to be still living with his parents or one of these men who like being fussed over by parents.
I feel uncomfortable with inlaws even kissing me on the cheek, fine with my own family who I've grown up with but physical contact with other people's families seems weird. I live in Scotland which is less into casual kissing of acquaintances than SE England though (apart from Hogmanay when everyone kisses everyone).

BulletWithAName Mon 11-Jul-11 14:36:36

The thing is OP, you are obviously not comfortable with BIL doing this. What anyone else thinks isn't really relevant, I would say.

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