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To be Dreading Long Weekend at PILS?

(12 Posts)
pommedechocolat Mon 11-Jul-11 11:51:56

I am, I am I know I'm being mean and horrible but I just feel so bleurgh about going.
We had a really rocky time with PILS at the beginning of dd's life as MIL so intense with dd (calling herself 'Mummy' etc), totally took over house when they stayed and moaned a lot about things not being convenient for them. I got upset and felt pushed to the side and like everything was about them whilst my world had turned upside down. Things have slowly got better, dh had a chat about the house thing which was better last time they came to us.
They life 3 hours away and it has to be such a big deal when they visit/we visit them, always 3-4 days at a time. My parents live 2 hours away and visit either overnight or in my dad's case for lunch (he has a customer near us). I feel like PILS are so heavy going compared to what I am used to. They also like to sit around a lot drinking tea and doing very little. I have warded that off slightly this time and we're going on a day trip to a safari park.
FIL is retiring soon and I know they are going to expect to come and see us for huge swathes of time a lot more regularly which I am also dreading. He also thinks he's going to totally DIY over our house which quite frankly over my dead body.
Disclaimer - 6 weeks pregnant and grumpy as fuck.

WinkyWinkola Mon 11-Jul-11 11:56:18

Ho hum. I could have written your post. Weird - my mil was very keen to be my ds1's mummy as well!

I too don't look forward to my pils visiting or us them. It's always such a big deal for them as they don't do much and then they would prefer to sit about doing nothing. With 3 dcs, I have to plan activities to run the little puppies energy out and simply cannot sit about.

It's your weekend too, op. Plan those activities and make sure you have a good time with your dd. The pils can always opt out of some of them - my dad picks and chooses what he wants to do with us when he visits and completely understands that we can't necessarily stay at home for an entire day.

You don't have to do everything they want. Be bright, breezy, smily but assertive if you think they're being out of order.

pommedechocolat Mon 11-Jul-11 12:35:43

I would like to use my disclaimer for my lack of paragraphs too please.

You're right Winky - they can't make me do stuff.

Oh god it's so dull and full on. I'm so mean.

SenoritaViva Mon 11-Jul-11 12:43:34

Have they got a park nearby? When you get a bit tired of their tea drinking can you not set of with DC and pram and have some time to yourself?

Can you not take advantage and have a nap whilst DC is there?

I'm afraid PIL's are often requiring a deep breath and to be more flexible because it isn't what you're used to. Mine are a 16 hour flight away, we have to stay for about 2 weeks when we go so I guess your situation could be worse.

I think you're well within your right to put your foot down re DIY (unless he's brilliant and you could just take advantage of his skills and be very specific about what you want?)

Also, if they start planning coming down make sure you say 'well let DH and I get both our diaries out) so that they realise they can't just come and stay when he's not around (e.g. not a weekend). if they start making noises just say you are terribly involved in things/groups, carting DCs about etc and it just isn't convenient.

aquafunf Mon 11-Jul-11 12:47:18

do what i do. allocate yourself a reward for doing it, i used to pay myself £50 for going to one relative and combine this with a " oh, i just need to pop into town as your town has a (insert random shop name)- it'll give you, dp a chance to catch up", followed by rapid exit to nearest town, nice coffee and lunch, spending money and snurking at myself for at least 2 hours.

try it, it works

pommedechocolat Mon 11-Jul-11 12:53:31

Ooo I love a good treat Aquafun. You may be on to something. Have just worked out they are actually near a place I have been desparate to visit for work for a while so am going to shoehorn going there into the trip for me and dh (or just me).

SenoritaVita - omg. Two weeks. You win. Horrendousness.

They are nice people so I feel really horrible being so bleurgh about it and they adore dd (just a bit over intense not natural about adoration) but it is just so not what I am used to.

I have already stopped the coming at you with a diary thing that used to happen by making it clear in the nicest possible way that dh deals with his family and I deal with mine. I coincided neatly with returning part time to work. This has already led to slightly fewer visits as dh is appalling at planning.

FIL is brilliant at DIY but would want to do what he wanted not what I wanted and our styles are quite different. It will not be happening!

HPonEverything Mon 11-Jul-11 13:10:00

I used to use aquafunf's method too, as my in-laws lived near a town whereas we're from the sticks. They were elderly and there was LOTS of tea drinking and no leaving the house (rough area, FIL wouldn't leave house unattended, MIL wouldn't go out without him), not even internet or alcohol to keep me sane so I'd have to go out and get some - my MIL believes I'm an alcoholic but wine got me through those weekends. Endless re-runs of Bullseye on UK Gold, you get the drift. They didn't even do much talking so it was literally 2 days drinking tea and watching Bullseye. I would be criticised as being anti-social if I read the paper or my book instead of staring at the telly confused. The advent of 3G internet was a lifesaver for me too but I had to be sly.

For long weekends I would divide the time by spending a night at my parent's house 1.5 hours away - like you I find my own parents lots more fun as they are also raging alcoholics more like me and DH. I don't think we ever did the full 3 days at the in-laws.

Your MIL sounds like a nightmare ("mummy" wtf??), I suppose I got off lightly with Bullseye.

So in short top tips are: go shopping and treat yourself, buy and drink wine, get out if you can (visit to own parents if near enough but far enough to be able to spend a night there).

SenoritaViva Mon 11-Jul-11 13:34:30

pomme then you are right, he can't help with DIY at your house unless it is to your specific tastes. What a waste of a good skill.

SenoritaViva Mon 11-Jul-11 13:35:42

Oh and also sorry wasn't trying to hijack you on the two week thing, just getting you to see it could be worse!

Yep, the Mummy thing is totally weird. Why would anyone call themselves Mummy to a child when they aren't. Odd.

pommedechocolat Mon 11-Jul-11 13:52:24

HPonEverything - I can't do the wine thing as am newly preggers. The dread may actually be why I am dreading it so, can't even numb the pain!

Senorita - it is a shame I know, he really is very good. He's already decided he's coming to tile behind the cooker soon as he thinks it would look good! He's not! Think the mummy thing is when the grandchild is not seen solely as a grandchild but more as a way to relive baby years.

aquafunf Mon 11-Jul-11 14:44:40

Oh, shame about the no alcohol thing- another helpful rule- pack 2 bottles of wine for every pair of knickers you pack. takes the edge off massively.

Cleverything Mon 11-Jul-11 14:52:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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