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to expect dh to take dc to swimming lessons on days I work.

(13 Posts)
flower1978 Mon 11-Jul-11 10:27:32

Not sure if I am or not but here goes. Dh works Mon to Fri. Gets up at about 6am. I get up at 7 and get dc ready for school/nursery etc. I work (Party Plan) part time. It is very flexible. At this time of the year I am busier due to school fetes etc on Saturdays. Whilst i may only work say 12-3 it takes much longer when you factor in loading car, setting up stall etc. Dh had the hump when I asked him to take dc swimming a couple of weeks ago because he wanted a lie in. I still had loads of work to do for the event. The next week I didn't bother asking because he was so grumpy about the last time. He didb't offer either. So I did the early morming swim returning at 9.30 to load car etc. I did not stop all. He meanwhile sat reading paper whilst i carted heavy boxes to car. Same again when i unloaded car. AIBU or is he?

Meglet Mon 11-Jul-11 10:29:23

yanbu. You're both busy but IMO swimming lessons are important so he should take the DC's on some weekends.

itisnearlysummer Mon 11-Jul-11 10:32:43

YANBU. They are his children too.

I do most of the running children to/from activities just because that's how it falls. However, if I ask DH to do it for any reason, he will.

I don't really understand DH attitudes like yours tbh.

flower1978 Mon 11-Jul-11 10:35:27

I think part of the problem is that he doesn't really see what I do as work. He is the main breadwinner and my earnings are not great and of course vary alot.

LilyBolero Mon 11-Jul-11 10:36:05

how old are the kids? And what time is the swimming lesson?

If they are school-age, (or at nursery during the day) and you are not working so much during the week then yabu, as you have relaxation time during the week, the weekend is his only time. Otoh, if they are at home all week then yanbu, as you need time as well.

He could help load up the car, but then, do you help with his work?

3littlefrogs Mon 11-Jul-11 10:39:54

Would he prefer that you didn't bother trying to earn extra cash at all?

Would he rather you looked for a full time/part time "job"?

You need to discuss it, because, if he doesn't consider what you do as "work", and therefore is not willing to support you, look after his children while you do it, it isn't going to work.

BTW I have done party plan when my dcs were small, and it is very hard work for not much money IME.

LilyBolero Mon 11-Jul-11 10:42:21

I think my thinking is that IF you week is fairly relaxed - drop kids off at school and then have lots of time, but Saturdays are a bit more manic, but his week is getting up at 6 every morning, working full time, but relaxed Saturdays, it's not really reasonable to ask him on his only day off to take on some of the things you do AS WELL.

otoh, if your week is very busy too, then it is reasonable to expect him to help out on a Saturday.

LilyBolero Mon 11-Jul-11 10:43:22

And I could see why if someone is getting up at 6 every morning, come the weekend they may need a bit of time in bed.

It's just got to be fair - perhaps the answer is to alternate with the swimming lessons?

flower1978 Mon 11-Jul-11 10:44:54

2 are school age 1 nursery part time. Lessons are at 8.30. So yes i do get some spare time during the week. Although at least some of that is spent following up leads etc.
I have thought about getting a part time job with a fixed income but he doesn't seem to like the idea of that either. I was going to work for one of the supermarkets but he was concerned due to booking time off for hols etc. Apparently you have to give lots of notice etc.

Bramshott Mon 11-Jul-11 10:45:13

Of course YANBU, but did you discuss it with him before you signed the kids up for swimming so early on a Saturday morning? DH and I have an implicit agreement that we don't sign the kids up for anything before 10am on a weekend morning because we both have a busy week and both like lie-ins!

Ephiny Mon 11-Jul-11 10:48:27

It depends - you should both have some time for relaxation and doing your own thing, and I can't tell from your post whether that's the case or not.

In a good relationship you should want to help each other though. And I can't imagine my DP sitting reading the paper while I carry heavy boxes and not jumping up to give me a hand.

flower1978 Mon 11-Jul-11 10:51:35

I am happy to do swimming lessons every week if I am not working. Over the course of the year I may work maybe 4 Saturdays in the summer months and the same at Xmas time. On the really early starts or all dayers he does take them swimming for me which is great.
I do see he is tired. His job is very stressfull. However, he does get his fair share of leisure time I feel. He has a football season ticket so gets lots of Saturday afternoons and weekday evenings away from the home. (although perhaps not that restful)

redskyatnight Mon 11-Jul-11 11:08:07

DC used to have Saturday morning swimming lessons. DH and I agreed (before we booked them) that we would alternate taking them. We both hated the early morning and have since resolved never to book Saturday morning lessons again.

I think you should have asked your DH BEFORE you booked them if he was ok to take the DC on the days that you couldn't do - especially as you must have had a fair idea of how frequently this would be at this time of year. He gets up early every weekday and I can see why he would like not to have to at a weekend.

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