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To expect 6 year olds to say please and thank you?

(48 Posts)
PanicMode Sun 10-Jul-11 21:58:46

We have just had a birthday party for my DD - a pony party for 10 children which was a big hit and great fun. However not one child said please or thank you to any of the girls helping with the ponies, the teacher, or DH and myself when we were passing round the sandwiches/cakes/drinks etc.

AIBU to expect a 'yes, please' or a thank you when offered a drink/biscuit/cake?

Only 1 child said thank you at the end (unprompted), and most of them snatched party bags. Is 6 too young to expect some courtesy?!

worraliberty Sun 10-Jul-11 22:00:08

No. This really gets on my tits.

But I have to say, none of them would have got anything from me without using their manners even if I had to prompt them continually.

faintpositive Sun 10-Jul-11 22:00:23

it doesnt mean that they are rude! My ds is 8 and he KNOWS he must say please & thanks BUT i often have to prompt him even now. He just gets carried away and he is very shy.

faintpositive Sun 10-Jul-11 22:01:32

I really dont mind other adults correcting him as i expect manners at all times form him;

AgentZigzag Sun 10-Jul-11 22:01:41

For getting a drink and biscuit, yes of course they should be saying please/thank you, but in the excitement of the moment they might forget.

A 6 YO might need reminding to say thank you at the end, but that's up to the parents to take them to the hosts to say it.

Numberfour Sun 10-Jul-11 22:01:54

Annoys me no end, too. I constantly remind my 6 yr old DS to say please and thank you - both to me and to others!!

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch Sun 10-Jul-11 22:03:08

DS is 3.7 and he knows to say thank you when people do stuff for him, or bring him a drink or food. He is also being taught not to snatch. I would be very ticked off with him indeed if he got to 6 and behaved as you have described.

But there are a lot of parents out there now who see no merit in teaching their children manners, some of them on MN.

pigletmania Sun 10-Jul-11 22:03:45

Yes you would expect a non SN 6 year old to say please and thank you.

AuntiePickleBottom Sun 10-Jul-11 22:03:52

yanbu, manner don't cost nothing.

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch Sun 10-Jul-11 22:04:04

BTW, he does need reminding sometimes! He's not that good wink

FunnysInTheGarden Sun 10-Jul-11 22:04:24

YAB a bit U to expect a 6 year old to say thank you in the midst of a party. My 5.5 year old will say it often, but I sometimes have to prompt him

squeakytoy Sun 10-Jul-11 22:04:32

I would expect a 2yr old to be able to know to say please and thankyou.. never mind a 6yo.

PumpkinBones Sun 10-Jul-11 22:05:28

At a party, my 5 year old would probably need prompting to say please / thank you for food and drink, but not for the party bag, and he has been drilled to say thank you at then end of the party. But a pony party is especially exciting and I can see it might make the guests a bit more in need of prompting that usual! And 6 is still quite little - I would expect it consistent and unprompted at 8.

pigletmania Sun 10-Jul-11 22:06:47

My ASD, social communication difficulty and speech and lang delay dd aged 4 needs prompting practically all the time. I get so blush

thefirstMrsDeVere Sun 10-Jul-11 22:15:58

piglet I would say that most 4 year olds need a fair bit of prompting so dont be blush.

Besides I never get annoyed a child needed a bit of prompting.

My DS2 is 8 and also has ASD and I do prompt him but I do to his brothers as well. 'What do you say?' works a treat.

I say it in a nice way. Children do need reminding because a. they might not think what has been done for them is worth much (someone giving them something they dont want grin or b. they are soooo pleased and excited at what has happened they forget their manners.

pigletmania Sun 10-Jul-11 22:20:05

thefirst I have to do it most time, sometimes her emotions get the better of her, and she screams ''i want milk' like a baby, and I have to (use the Hanen technique) and provide the language models of ' I want milk please' when she cries.

pigletmania Sun 10-Jul-11 22:21:06

When we go to parties, I have to remind her to thank the party girl/boy when we leave and to say hello to people

PanicMode Sun 10-Jul-11 22:38:04

I wouldn't expect a 4 year old to do so unprompted (although mine for the most part did at that age), but at 6 I would have thought it possible!

Alibabaandthe80nappies Sun 10-Jul-11 22:40:02

My 2 year old manages his please and thank yous 90% of the time, so I would definitely expect a 6 year old to!

Pelagia Sun 10-Jul-11 22:43:05

I find at parties most 6yo are v capable but tend to get excited and forget their Ps&Qs. I make a huge fuss of the first one to say please/thank you 'Oh what lovely manners, what a beautiful thank you that was!!!" and then find the rest magically follow suit...

gizzy1973 Sun 10-Jul-11 22:43:25

I would expect a 6 year old to say please and thank you although manners can be forgotten at parties etc
I expect my 18 month old to try and say please and thankyou when prompted so hopefully he will remember when he is 3 or 4

pranma Sun 10-Jul-11 22:46:12

I would expect it of any verbal child over 3.I would say,'What do you say?' if they didn't-but I am old......

graceandbeauty Sun 10-Jul-11 22:46:24


I tend to hold onto things until they say thankyou - a little bit of wicked witch eye contact at the same time works well too.

At DS' last birthday party, after grabbing a party bag one boy came back with his mum and she said he wanted a different one. I lied and said they were all gone. Even better (worse), I was once asked for a party bag a few days after a party, by the mother of a child who had not even been at the party, and had not told me they were not coming. He didn't get one.

pigletmania Sun 10-Jul-11 22:48:24

grace I am appealed at the manners of some, with poor role models, its no wonder some kids lack basic manners these days.

AlabamaWorley Sun 10-Jul-11 22:49:46

YANBU. My 2.1 year old say please (pwease) and thank you (sank you) 99% of the time. If I prompt him the rest of the time, he always says it.

He does however think that by saying please or thank you he gets what he wants whenever he wants it (I guess I inadvertantly taught him that blush). So when I try to change his nappy he say "no thank you". When he doesn't want to go to bed he says "out Mummmmyyyy pwwwweeaaase" - of course it just melts my heart and he knows it!

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