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Do you say goodbye like this or aibu?

(49 Posts)
MilkMonitor Sat 09-Jul-11 23:12:59

I usually give a kiss on the cheek and a bit of a hug, depending on how fond I am of the friend.

I have this one friend though who we see maybe three or four times a year with her dh and their dcs. Every single time she says good bye, dh said she kisses him on the lips - the same way you'd kiss someone on the cheek - and presses her whole body up against him. I pooh poohed this to dh and asked him why he let her if if was a problem wink. I'd never seen it happen and never put any thought to it.

Today though, I saw it and her coy smile to him afters. Dh said he's going to hold the baby next time so she can't do it although he did say, "Yep, weird. Woah, those are big tits though." Marvellous, isn't it? Then she kept turning round to wave as they left the park. It was only me turning to wave back mind.

I wonder if this is normal behaviour - dh thinks it's not and says he isn't comfortable with it (ho hum) - and if I'm over reacting because I think it's odd and disrespectful.

If I see it again, what should I say?

MilkMonitor Sat 09-Jul-11 23:20:59

Impatient bump.

HystericalMe Sat 09-Jul-11 23:22:47

Let him hold her shoulders and give her a kiss on the cheek then back off.

ENormaSnob Sat 09-Jul-11 23:24:48

No it's not normal at all.

AgentZigzag Sat 09-Jul-11 23:26:39

DH is pretty laid back but I think even he'd be taken aback if one of my friends gave him a full on kiss on the lips shock

I just can't imagine it grin

If your DH isn't comfortable with it I think he'd have to overcome any etiquette rules and dodge her/put his hand over his mouth (grin) when she makes a beeline for him.

Does she carry a torch for him then? Is she like this with other people in general?

mrsdonkeybucket Sat 09-Jul-11 23:26:55

Let her kiss DH again, like she does.

Then hand him a wet wipe and say "there you go darling, you never know where she's been".


MilkMonitor Sat 09-Jul-11 23:29:22

I've not idea if she carries a torch for him or if she's like it with other people. She's extremely attractive and, afaik, happily married to a man I've known since childhood.

Until today, I've dismissed dh's claims as silly. But then I saw it and felt a bit shocked actually. It wasn't a full on kiss. It was a firm brief kiss on the lips after having kissed me on both cheeks.

Dh will have to assert himself or I'll have to kiss her on the lips next time and say, "Oh, isn't that how you say goodbye?" grin

mrsdonkeybucket Sat 09-Jul-11 23:31:23

Personally I'd lick her. Both cheeks. Then maybe sniff her backside.

Oh no, that's dogs. And that's "Hello".


AgentZigzag Sat 09-Jul-11 23:33:25

Did you really not believe him though?

I hope my DH wouldn't brush me off if I said I felt uncomfortable about something a bloke was doing.

MilkMonitor Sat 09-Jul-11 23:37:52

Well, it's like such a brief thing, I thought she must have simply been showing affection and he obviously thought otherwise.

Yes, terrible that he was uncomfortable and I dismissed it.

But he won't be able to assert himself over it with her, I'm certain. He'll feel too embarrassed. Unless he does actually quite like it because according to him it's happened a few times now and he says he's always taken by surprise.

I feel very annoyed about it now. I'd never do that to a partner of one of my friends. i. it might make them feel uncomfortable and ii. it's really disrespectful to all parties.

mrsdonkeybucket Sat 09-Jul-11 23:41:55

It is, MM. Very.

If it was a so-called 'friend' of mine I would have had serious words.

You''ll just have to carry wipes when you see them again. smile

Orbinator Sat 09-Jul-11 23:41:57

I think if your DH is uncomfortable with it then so should you be. After all, men don't usually complain about these things wink. Maybe you should do it to her next time, or her hubby? Is she a competitive friend, by any chance? I used to have a hugely flirtatious friend who used to try it on with every boyfriend I ever had. I'd actually decide if they were worth keeping if they told me about it/her advances blush. She's not a friend any more, needless to say!

AgentZigzag Sat 09-Jul-11 23:44:25

Could she be exploiting his discomfort? I know someone who gets a weird kick out of doing stuff they know will make someone feel uncomfortable but would be too embarrassed to be rude and tell them to fuck off.

Although after a couple of times it's not going to be a surprise is it? grin

sausagesandmarmelade Sat 09-Jul-11 23:47:13

This is completely weird behaviour....and not the sort of thing most people would tolerate (I would imagine).

Next time they suggest meeting up...I would decline. If you have to why...then do so!

Otherwise how else is this stupid woman going to accept that there are consequences of her unreasonable behaviour?

Signet2012 Sat 09-Jul-11 23:51:54

I think its a bit wierd too. My partner has a fair few girlfriends who he has even slept with before (long before be obviously) and he still sees them and I have never seen anything more than a hug when saying goodbye.

perhaps you should go up to her husband. say good bye and grope his balls whilst smiling in a coy fashion smile

DogsBestFriend Sat 09-Jul-11 23:55:15

I know one (married) male friend who is an affectionate soul and who greets/says goodbye to female friends with a kiss on the cheek. Except for me. Me, he kisses on the lips.

And yes, he does know what he's doing and he does mean it the way you think he does.

I can't imagine that anyone who acts like this wouldn't have an ulterior motive tbh.

MilkMonitor Sat 09-Jul-11 23:55:16

I can't do that to her dh. I've known him since I was 9 and he's like a brother to me.

I like her too. But this is odd good bye behaviour.

MilkMonitor Sat 09-Jul-11 23:56:23

DOgsbest, how does his wife react?

Signet2012 Sat 09-Jul-11 23:56:58

Perhaps say no tongues unless your going to cook/clean and tidy all his shit away too. Or something like that.

to use humour so its not awkward but highlighting that its a bit much?

I dont know, Im not very subtle. smile

LRDTheFeministNutcase Sun 10-Jul-11 00:00:44

I think it's odd.

Next time, grab her yourself and give her a big smacker.

AgentZigzag Sun 10-Jul-11 00:00:57

I suppose coupled with her pressing herself up against him and him eloquently commenting 'Woah, those are big tits though' (which I'd not be too happy about DH verbalising if he thought that about someone we know) it does look a bit more possibly?

DogsBestFriend Sun 10-Jul-11 00:01:11

His marriage is fecked tbh, Milk, long story but not because of infidelity on either side. They have very different interests and friends (he's a sociable, down to earth ex public schoolboy, she's a, well, a bit snobby about his footie-fan, working class mates so they don't socialise together with "us lot"). So, she isn't there to see or react.

MilkMonitor Sun 10-Jul-11 00:04:02

AgentZig, a bit more possibly what?

thursday Sun 10-Jul-11 00:10:32

yes it's weird and a half. i think i'd have to grab her husband and bend him over for a hollywood smooch to take the piss out of her. she probably gets a kick out of making him feel uncomfortable, which makes her a tit tbh. or, if you're not up for that just ensure next time you're all saying goodbye that you stand with your DH with his arm round you etc so that she simply cant be so ridiculous.

MilkMonitor Sun 10-Jul-11 00:13:33

Good plan. But now I'm starting to wonder why in fact dh hasn't employed any tactics to deter her from doing this. I mean if she does it every time it's hardly a surprise to him, is it?

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