AIBU to be in such a state?(25 Posts)
I am a first time poster, joined a while ago but too shy to post . Basically me and my DP are friends with a couple who have a one year old daughter. We are both godparents to this little girl.
Recently our friends took her to the coast for a day and took no sun cream with her and she ended up badly sun burned. They then took her to a BBQ hosted by mutual friends that me a DP attended. Understandably, I was horrified when I saw her and expressed my concern and thought she needed to be checked out by a doctor. They thought I was over reacting.
On Thursday, they had a knock on the door from SS who say someone had contacted them because they were concerned about their DD's sunburn. They were both angry and have been demanding to know who called them. I was as shocked as they were and tried my best to be supportive.
However, yesterday I logged on to my facebook to see the most vile abuse being posted on my wall by my friend's (the mother's) younger sister. She accused me of being the one who made the call to SS and then started to post how I was having an affair with a 52 year old man behind my DP's back and other vile things. I deleted my facebook automatically.
I then tried to talk to my friend's and their attitude was I should take it up with the sister. I tried to explain that I didnt know this girl and that because she was 17 she was a child and it was not my place. They couldnt understand why I was so upset about what has happened. I tried to explain to them that I am a trainee teacher and me and my DP have family on there that can see this stuff and it is not on. They told me that I should be grateful that it wasnt worse and that I should be thankful SS didnt come knocking on my door.
I just cant believe that the "good" friends of mine havent even bothered to put this sister straight and tell her she is wrong with her accusations. I'm so upset and embarrased. My DP has had his brother on the phone asking if I have really had an affair and I am mortified.
I am so sorry for the long post but I needed to get it off my chest and I needed to know if I was BU for being so upset or if I was over reacting.
YANBU. You've done the right thing deleting your FB profile.
It sounds like they half believe the sister TBH. They feel guilty about allowing their DD to get badly sunburnt, and luckily the 17 year old has come along to make a diversion. They are happy for you to take some vitriol as it deflects from them.
I think the key thing is that the girl is 17. Given that, I don't think it is reasonable for your friend (?) to ask you to speak to her. She isn't an adult and you are unlikely to be able to have an adult conversation with her. Your friend should speak to her sister in this situaiton.
Clearly the 17 years is mis-guidedly trying to defend her sister but she is going about it in an unacceptable and needs her sister to tell her this.
You have done nothing wrong but this doesnt sound like a very good friend. I am sure they are moritified to have had a visit from Social Services and are going to be defensive, but nothing justifies an attack like that on a public forum and you should not be asked to "wade in" and speak to the girl directly.
Dump your "friends", they are awful.
And you need to set your privacy much higher on Facebook to prevent randoms writing on your wall. You will need to do that as a teacher. You also should have a very short list of friends on Facebook, people you actually know and trust.
I would be furious, apart from anything else implying that you are having an affair with someone is outrageous.
I don't know anything about FB but if you can make your settings more secure. Do it.
My DH is a teacher. There has been big do's and little do's about teacher befriending pupils at his school.
YA certainly NBU.
Sounds awful. Good advice above from other posters already.
Actually, if your friends want to know who called social services, it is perfectly possible for them to find out. In fact a direct question to social services should elicit an answer.
Failing that, they should issue a 'subject access rights notice request' under the DPA. I had to do this to find out the full details of a malicious allegation made against me by Ex-H. It only cost a tenner and was priceless.
You yourself can also issue a notice request to prove that you DIDN'T make the compaint. SS will redact (hide) everything that doesn't mention you. Clearly that will be everything, because you didn't make the complaint.
It sounds like your 'friends' think you called SS. One big problem of anonymous calls to SS is that it can totally ruin lives - of totally innocent people. I feel so sorry for you OP, if you get any more abuse I would go to the police. I would imagine they got the sister to do their dirty work as they don't think it will good if SS find out they are dishing out abuse to all and sundry.
And if I saw a poor little baby with sunburn I would suggest getting it to the doctors too.
If you didn't call SS and the attack from the 17yr old is as unfounded as it sounds then YANBU. Either way they shouldn't be defending her publicly trying to humiliate you, but it does sound as if they have told her it was you and are using her to tell you their mind.
Well done for deleting your account. Petty games like this on there can be soul destroying and confusing for friends and relatives alike. I'd stay away from the couple now and not look back. I assume you have already made it clear that it wasn't you who called SS? As long as they are clear on that then it's time to move on and they aren't worth your time. Whoever called SS will no doubt do it again when they forget to give her a coat in winter, etc.
Its irrelevent whether the OP was the one who called SS or not - they wouldnt react to a call if they didnt see a need.
It sounds like your friends arent as good as you thought they were.
TBH I don´t see why you had the sister on your FB.
But you´ve blocked/deleted her & reprted the abuse.
I´d be more concerned that the friends are more concerned about who called SS than their daughter.
Would SS attend for sunburn?
Tbh, I would believe they do think you called the SS as you voiced some concern, and I also believe they've put ideas about affairs etc into the sisters head and wound her right up and sat back. Their lack of action imo, proves this. You have no idea what vitrol they are spouting behind your back. I would cut off all ties with them IMMEDIATELY. They don't seem at all bothered by ruining (or trying to) ruin yours.
I agree get rid of those people from your life! I agree if you are a teacher you should have good privacy and only close people on your FB account.
I cant believe they took their 1 year old DD to the beach with out sun cream Numpties!!
Who is this 52 man your bumping uglies with anyway, how has he taken this? Maybe they're miffed with the both of you. I'd talk to him.
that girl has libelled you and i wouldn't be long sending hera solicitors letter to put her and her family straight!
No need to delete you fb account just change settings so only friends can write on your wall and view it. You can test this by setting up a fake account of our own. I'd take holys advice and send the family a nice solicitors letter that will shake them up nicely. Not my business as to whether you did hav affair so shan't ask.
As for them getting their baby burnt bloody ridiculous and too right SS should go round
If you involve solicitors you are in for a world of further problems and more than likely costs. Walk away with your head high instead.
With regards to the FB thing, you are either friends with the 17 y/o (that you don't know) on FB, or your settings are so slack that anyone can write on your wall. As a trainee teacher you should know better so you need to sort that out immediately.
As for who called SS, I can see why you are prime suspect. If your friends can't or won't take your word for it then they aren't friends at all. Sounds to me like they agree with the sister which is why they won't put her straight. YANBU to be upset that they probably don't believe that it wasn't you but I don't know how you can fix that.
Thankyou for the replies. Just to clarify I did not call ss and were as shocked as they were. I have called the 17 yo mother today to let her know what had happened and this was her exact reply "oh just ignore it. Blah blah has found out some bad news (unrelated to the ss incident) and is just lashing out at people. She won't apologise to you either so there is no point in asking me to talk to her!" I was absolutely dumbfounded!! I think if this 17 yo reacts to bad news by lashing out at people she doesn't know then maybe she needs some help and support for her anger issues. And this 52 yo man is my friends (the father of 1 yo) father, who I have known for years and is like a father figure to me which makes me feel even more sick
I am going to shock you now womandriver, your so called friends are cunts and their DS is a silly bitch who will cross the wrong person.
Karma baby, karma.
That girl's mum is in for a world of pain! Keep clear from now on I say, no one needs spiteful people in their lives. Especially one's that young who have no one reprimanding them for potentially relationship harming behaviour. She needs to be taught to stay out of other people's business really, but as she can't be trusted to do so, I would make sure she never gets the opportunity to do anything similar again.
How would the sister even know about you? It sounds as if your 'friend' has been having a bit of a discussion about possibly suspects for the SS call and you were mentioned as the 'favourite'. I'd steer clear of this friend, really, her attention is not where it needs to be, she should be focusing on her child's welfare, not looking for somebody to blame for the reporting.
I would be consulting a solicitor. You have your career to think of and need to protect yourself.
I would also be keeping away from these 'friends'.
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