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boozing MIL

(8 Posts)
StagnantRabbit Fri 08-Jul-11 21:25:29

I've posted on here before with this problem but once again seek the advice of the MN jury.

In a nut-shell I have known for a while that my MIL has a drink problem - she's always 'liked' a drink - but just recently I have noticed on 2 occasions her swigging 'privately' from a vodka bottle during a family party... I have asked my DP to talk to her about this, which he has done, and she has admitted she has a problem and since (allegedly) cut out the vodka swigging habit. She does however continue to drink wine, altho not excessively it would seem, altho it is hard to guage this as we live 2 hours away and see her irregularly.

She has recently been asking to have DS age5 to stay for the weekend and while my DP has said 'That should be fine, but I'll check with DP', (he even has a weekend in mind - NEXT weekend) I am not so sure....

BIL has been to stay over the last couple of days and he sees MIL regularly. He seems to think that everything is ok, that he has only seen her drinking once lately and otherwise she has been fine ie not really drinking.

The problem is I'm NOT fine with this. The whole subject worries me and the thought of DS going there for the weekend worries me. It seems to me that DP has virtually ok'd this with her and as a result I feel I should be ok with it too.... she is his mother afterall...

I think one of my problems is with trusting her... the whole sneaking about swigging vodka thing openned my eyes to a part of her I didnt even know existed and as a result I spose I now have trust issues with her. Also since my DP had his chat with her, there seems to have been almost no follow-up and I feel that her problems have been swept under the carpet and not really addressed atall.

Am I making a big thing out of this or does this sound reasonable to you?
I just dont believe that you can go from swigging neat vodka from a bottle to just a glass of wine here and there and be totally ok? I could be wrong tho - opinions please.....

StagnantRabbit Fri 08-Jul-11 21:26:55

ps sorry if I dont reply immediately... am gonna talk this over again with DP now so wont look back at my post for a while...

squeakytoy Fri 08-Jul-11 21:28:59

My husband drinks neat spirits now and again.. I hate them, but he doesnt like mixers... however when he looks after his granddaughter, he doesnt drink at all.

I can understand your worries though, and would want an assurance from her that she will not be drinking while she looks after her grandchild.

DogsBestFriend Fri 08-Jul-11 21:31:27

YANBU. Your child is 5 and vulnerable. It would be a different matter if he were a self-sufficient teen.

There's no way I'd be allowing my 5 yo to stay with MIL without me there too, regardless of my DH's opinion.

misty0 Fri 08-Jul-11 21:41:18


trust your instincts.

Mare11bp Fri 08-Jul-11 21:53:00

YADNBU. I have this with my mum, who in my view has an alcohol dependency. Does at a minimum a bottle a night. She will never have my DC staying with her, though I have never actually told her that. Appreciate that it's more awkward for you as it's MIL but rather than spending a weekend panicking about your child's well being I would trust your instinct and put your foot down.....

Groovee Fri 08-Jul-11 21:56:17

My mum isn't allowed my kids for similar reasons. We're on holiday and she's been hiding the booze round in the kitchen which DH found. If it wasn't all done in flaming secret then denying she's been drinking, but she'll never change. Go with your instinct.

SinicalSal Fri 08-Jul-11 22:03:24

Maybe you all go as a family?
She gets to see DS and you get to see how the drinking is going. And you avoid arguments for the time being til you know which way the land lies.
You and DH are going to need to try and get to the bottom of it sometime, can't be left up in the air really.

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