New job and going part time.(7 Posts)
DH went for an interview today, he did not get the job but if he had it would have meant a £12k pay rise. I return to work from maternity leave in September and am having to go back full time. When I asked what the salary would have been after her knew he did not get it, he told me and I said I may have been able to go back part time. He was not happy and said if that would have been the only reason he was to take the job, so I cow,d go part time, he would have refused to take it.
He said this was the reaction he expected off me and that was why he never told me the money was so good. I said he had no right to act disgusted at me saying it as any good mum, who wishes to spend time with her children would love to be home more. He said I was not just a mum and has now gone out for a walk to clear his head.
AIBU to think I was ok to mention going part time? Was I insensitive to not think he wanted the mo ey for other things, better standard of living etc?
It's a pretty big topic and one which I would have thought would have been discussed before having a baby.
For both me and Gomez it was natural that I'd want to stay at home with the children but if it had come down to finances then I would have wanted to work as few hours as possible so as to be with them. Not working or working part time doesn't make you just a mum.
It was not even a serious comment as he had not got the job. I knew when I had the children that I would have to return to work, we did have the conversation before we had them. I thought it was purely down to finances that we came to that decision, but I'm scared that there was always something behind his decision other than finances and I have just seen a peek of it. Does that make any sense? I feel as though he thinks if he has to work why should I get "time off", if he thinks like that how can he truly appreciate what I do with the children.
What it came down to is he was not going to "see" any benefit from the promotion other than me being with the kids more why should he bother. That seems very selfish to me. I have put in a yansfer to an office nearer me so as to cut gravel significantly. It means less high profile work and leaving a wonderful team. He has said I don't have to do it if I don't want, but to me it's about family not me. I just never realised how selfish he was, or maybe I did but it has never impacted me this much before.
I think you've picked the wrong moment to discuss this! Your DH has just found out he didn't get the job so probably doesn't want to hear about how it would have improved/changed your situation had he got it. Maybe if you discuss it over the weekend once the air has settled you might find more common ground.
That's the thing we were not discussing it, it was a simple throw away comment said whilst chatting. I did not demand he go for the job to get more moeny so I could stay at home. I did not even know that it wa such a pay hike. When he mentioned the money I said half serious, half messing, ooh I could have less days at work.
I can see why he's miffed, why would you assume you can cut down your working if he gets a payrise? If you got a payrise, would you be happy if the halved his hours?
Allowing one partner to financially support another is something that both have to want as its hard being the main earner and can lead to resentment.
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