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to think that MIL in law should not have told.....

(10 Posts)
ohanotherone Fri 08-Jul-11 11:34:59

my cleaning lady that I had told her not to talk to her. (Alot, anyway).

I love my cleaning lady, she's brilliant...I know this comment would have hurt her feelings though and was really embrassed that MIL has said this to her.

My MIL comes and stays with us twice per year, she is very critical, of me, DH, our ways, our parenting, in contrast to her other DS, who she does everything for.... I can never do right and she has never ever actually done anything for us and never lifts a finger to help.

EVEN when I had my DS who had jaundice and was constantly feeding and I hadn't slept really in 6 weeks, she came to visit us, complained about sitting around doing nothing nothing and wanted to go to Harrods etc sightseeing but wouldn't go on her own so I ended up walking to Harrods with 6 week old DS in a sate of shattereness. She didn't even make a cup of tea for herself never mind me, just sat there being waited on hand and foot.

I am never sure if she is just a really nasty piece of passive agressive troublemaker or is just so insular that she never thinks about other peoples feeings....as the years go on I suspect it's more the former though.

Sorry for long rant.....

eurochick Fri 08-Jul-11 11:39:47

I don't understand - you told your MIL not to talk to your cleaner. Why?

MorticiaAddams Fri 08-Jul-11 11:40:41

Oh my, that's not nice. I would have a word with the cleaning lady and explain what you meant ie MIL talks A LOT or you were trying to explain that you had work to do and she would be holding you back if she only had a certain timeframe or perhaps it meant she would be late for her next job.

fraktious Fri 08-Jul-11 11:45:58

I'd tell your cleaning lady that it wasn't for MIL's benefit because she isn't nice, it was for her benefit because MIL isn't nice and you didn't want her to feel criticised by MIL as you're perfectly happy with her work.

ohanotherone Fri 08-Jul-11 11:57:51

Basically, I was at work that day and I just made a throwaway comment to MIL the night before about the not talking business.

This is because when FIL (they have split up so come separately and we don't discuss him with her at all) came he chatted to CL for ages and she didn't get her usual amount of work done and I am very pregnant and really needed to have everything done. Basically if someone keep talking to her she can't get on and do out of politeness.

Well, luckily my cleaning lady totally understands and is lovely but I am still annoyed and keep thinking that MIL did this on purpose to make my life difficult.

ohanotherone Fri 08-Jul-11 11:58:54

And she likes to get everything done even if if means she's late to pick up her kids...

biddysmama Fri 08-Jul-11 12:05:31

sounds a bit childish like "my mum says ive not to talk to you"

ENormaSnob Fri 08-Jul-11 12:07:03

Stop having her to stay.

ShoutyHamster Fri 08-Jul-11 12:07:16

Yes she probably did do it on purpose... but you are on to her, so that's good grin

You can easily clear this one up with the cleaning lady, as you will naturally have NO qualms about telling her that it wasn't HER being criticised here, but MIL! And you can make it clear that anything MIL says is to be taken with a pinch of salt.

Make sure you brush up on your own passive-aggressive plans in preparation for the baby coming this time, won't you? You need a good set of excuses as to why MIL can't possibly be accompanied here there and everywhere. Say it all with a lovely smile. Make sure you arrange for others (preferably people she can't stand) to visit at the same time as her, and ask her in front of them would she mind making everyone a cuppa? Any digs in return, smile BLANDLY and just look as if it's all going over your head. Any strops over anything you've done wrong or badly (in her eyes), sympathise loudly 'ooh reeeealllly? I had noooo idea you felt that way' and then do EXACTLY the same thing next time. She'll either give up ordering you around as it doesn't work, or realise that you're treating her the same way she treats you and shut up. Either way she'll see that she's water off a duck's back to you and that you aren't at all scared of her. And things will probably improve.

ohanotherone Fri 08-Jul-11 12:16:54

I'm not good at the passive agressive thing although surprised myself on this visit by deciding to give her ready made lasangne rather than make my own. This is because any of my home cooked food gets a dramatic salting from MIL before she's even tasted it and she never ever says it's nice (although IMO it usually is). She said "Don't you ever cook your own?". She knows I do nearly everything from scratch but I didn't rise to it and smiled and said "yes, I do!". I didn't add "BUT NOT FOR YOU!!!"

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