Advanced search

To stand up to MIL on DH's behalf.

(45 Posts)
MugglesandLuna Thu 07-Jul-11 20:35:15

DS1 is having an end of year assembly/prize giving. The last few years have been a bit of a fiasco with regards to seating so the school have inroduced a 2 tickets per child policy.

DH and I were going to go, but now MIL has demanded she be able to go. She stated that she thought I would give her my ticket (which I wont) so that she can go with DH. When I said I didnt want to do this DH said she could have hers.

DH and his Mum have had a rocky relationship in the past. She had two children very close together. It is very obvious she prefers DH's brother and she completely ignored DH through most of his childhood until we had DS1 when suddenly she couldnt get enough of him. DH still want s to please her so will let her walk all over him.

DH wants to go, DS wants him to go. DH doesnt want me to stand up to MIL because he doesnt want to upset her.

AIBU to tell her she cant come and we are going together.

CQrrrneee Thu 07-Jul-11 20:36:42

not at all - she sounds like a nightmare

bumpybecky Thu 07-Jul-11 20:36:49

YANBU to tell her

would be better if DH did, but if he really can't face it then it would be better if you did than didn't and made the three of you miserable

hugeleyoutnumbered Thu 07-Jul-11 20:38:45

why won't he stand up to her, tell her no, thats final, sounds like you have your hands full with that one

Shakirasma Thu 07-Jul-11 20:40:05

Your DH needs a serious talking to. This assembly is all about his son, but he would let the poor boy down before his mother??

Your DH needs to grow a backbone, start acting like a father and tell his mother no!

DoMeDon Thu 07-Jul-11 20:41:41

What are her reasons for demanding to go? It's not your place to stand up to her here IMO - DH would benefit from learning to do without her approval.

MugglesandLuna Thu 07-Jul-11 20:43:40

Its so difficult because she was just so horrid and critical that he just wants to please her. I know he needs to stand up to her but its really difficult. She is a real nightmare and we have to try and sheild the children from her because she treats our boys exactly the same and DD totally differently (like she does DH's brother)

onebigchocolatemess Thu 07-Jul-11 20:44:11

He is your - ie you and DH's - SON

no contest, you would be letting him down by not going with his wishes


MugglesandLuna Thu 07-Jul-11 20:45:31

She is demanding to go because DS is getting an award and he is her grandson (her words). She turned on the waterworks which is why DH gave it. She is very manipulative.

RunAwayWife Thu 07-Jul-11 20:45:36

Tell her it is parents only

worraliberty Thu 07-Jul-11 20:46:26

Just go with your DH and video it for your MIL

Or is it the type of school that buys into mass hysteria and bans the parents from videoing/photography?

HerHissyness Thu 07-Jul-11 20:47:35

Ask DH to ask DS who he would like to see watch his assembly.

Abide by DS decision.

I did this with DS this year. He is 5. I asked him if he wanted me and his GM (who he adores) to go on holiday this year with him, or him and I.

He said he wanted it just to be us. I agreed with him. It would have changed the dynamic and we had such a great time last year together, i really didn't want to ruin it. I said nothing to him about my thoughts, but asked him what he wanted.

My mum understood.

Ask DH to put himself in DS shoes, ask him to remember who HE wanted to be proud of him, the answer to that will be the parents. i.e. YOU and DH.

Don't allow others to over-rule something like this.

Speak to DH, speak to DS, and then say to MIL, we only have 2 tickets available to us, we both want to go and DS wants to see us both there. We can't over-rule his decision, as it's about HIM.

The only other thing you could do, if you feel so inclined to do so, is to ask any parents that would not be needing the second ticket to buy one anyway and you can pass it to MIL...

MugglesandLuna Thu 07-Jul-11 20:49:55

worraliberty - we are banned from taking photos/videos, so only so we can buy it at £5 a pop.

squeakytoy Thu 07-Jul-11 20:52:15

tell her it will cost her £5 then... and tell her (ie get your husband to tell her) that there are only 2 tickets, and your childs PARENTS take precedence over anyone else...

flaine Thu 07-Jul-11 20:53:05

Your Mil should not even be involved in the discussion on your DC's assembly
She is not invited. End of.

What a cheek, she wants to go instead of youconfused

MugglesandLuna Thu 07-Jul-11 20:54:39

Im dialling now, wish me luck!

AurraSing Thu 07-Jul-11 20:55:34

Give her the details of the DVD she can buy, or tell her that it is very unlikely that DS will receive any awards so you don't want her to waste her time. grin

I wouldn't be the one to tell her she is not going. Your DH is a grown up and needs to tell her. It will cause years of problems if he doesn't.

DoMeDon Thu 07-Jul-11 20:57:20

He will always give in and you will always jump to rescue him. Let him take this one. Remind him that her behaviour is not due to him - it's all on her. Let the mad bint cry.

DogsBestFriend Thu 07-Jul-11 20:58:59

As you dial, remember the words, "DH and I are going to watch OUR SON, so you can't on this occasion".

Or just "NO!!!!" if you prefer. Don't take any shit from MIL!

MugglesandLuna Thu 07-Jul-11 20:59:27

She hung up on me angry

AurraSing Thu 07-Jul-11 21:00:28

She'll get over it. Does she behave like this with her other son and his family?

onebigchocolatemess Thu 07-Jul-11 21:01:55

OMG what happened? What did you say??

Shakirasma Thu 07-Jul-11 21:03:21

Oh well. At least it's been said and she knows shes not going. now you and DH and your son can look forward to the prize giving.

Let her have her tantrum, your son will be happy and that really is what matters.

DogsBestFriend Thu 07-Jul-11 21:04:31

"She hung up on me". angry


Well, that just proves that she's even more rude than you gave her credit for!

Dammit, had I suspected that she'd hang up on you I'd have encouraged you to tell her, "You aren't going, get that into your thick head!".

I bet you wish I had now!

LineRunner Thu 07-Jul-11 21:08:41

There will plenty of school events and productions over the years, some of which you will have to pay for, and some of which you will (trust me) really not want to go to ... so there will be loads of stuff for MiL in the future.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: