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to not want to go out with inlaws

(17 Posts)
startofnewterm Thu 07-Jul-11 18:37:30

we have been invited out for a birthday dinner with inlaws and their children to celebrate mil's birthday.

Mil & Fil regularly care for my inlaws children whilst they are at work so I think inlaws see this as a nice way to repay them.

But, whilst my children eat well, my inlaws children are picky eaters and will order things that hardly get touched, they will then go on to order desert and pick at that.

Now I couldnt really care about what they do or dont eat, but when my inlaws are suggesting that we split the bill so that its a treat for mil & fil then it really gets my goat that I am paying for food that I know will be hardly touched.

Also, I have already bought a present for my mil and we are hardly flush with money at the moment so I could do without this. I have asked inlaws if the restaurant they have chosen is expensive and they said its reasonable but suggested that they could pay for inlaws and we just pay for ourselves. Problem is, I would feel really mean not halving the bill in front of mil & fil, they are really nice people and help us alot, with child care & treat us financially sometimes aswell. I think the main gripe with me is that I get aggravated at paying for food that I know full well wont be eaten.

faintpositive Thu 07-Jul-11 18:40:12

yabu.
Bite the bullet and pay half regardless of what people do or dont eat.

You say yourself that the ils are good to you so do this for them, go on...its a nice thing.

ps TOTALLY get why you are irritated about the half eaten food, it would piss me off too.

HelloKlitty Thu 07-Jul-11 18:42:35

Just say you can't afford it. No point going if you're stressed about the cash.

Ragwort Thu 07-Jul-11 18:42:58

Can you discretely arrange it so that each family pays for their own family's food and you then share the actual cost of PILs meal - rather than just split the whole bill? (sorry if that sounds complicated).

startofnewterm Thu 07-Jul-11 18:50:56

Ragwort, the daft thing is that we have more children than inlaws so in fact inlaws are being quite generous to us in offering to split the bill. Its more the fact that if we do this meal then it means I cant buy a few bits and pieces that we need for our hols and that I get really irritated at inlaws ordering food that wont be eaten (regardless of whose paying really).

AurraSing Thu 07-Jul-11 18:58:45

If it is truly a money issue tell the truth - that you have already bought a present and can't afford to spend any more. If is it really about the wasted food issue, I would pay half and not spoil the birthday meal.

pinkyredrose Thu 07-Jul-11 18:59:06

god you sound like a right whinger. Stay at home and spare them your company. You can save more towards your holiday, it's obviously more important to you.

HoneyNorwegianRidgebackdragon Thu 07-Jul-11 19:02:00

I think with children if they behave well at the table and eat something that really is the end of it. It is the adults who are really going to get pleasure out of a meal.

When my ds was small my SiL pissed me of each and every time she tried to force my ds to eat everything on his plate, her dd is incredibly faddy and we always had to go somewhere that did shite microwaved childrens slop and as the bill was split 50/50 we could not just let him order a starter as a main meal or she'd sulk, as it worked out more expensive than the inclusive shit for kids.

We used put up and shut up, as what was important was that dh's parents had a nice meal and chat with their family. It's not just about the food. Although latterly we have split the bill and paid the extra for ds and dd to eat of the adults menu as we've had enough.

Your options are say you'll pay individually and split the bill.

Not go, and disappoint your oh parents

Or accept that the issue over their dc's eating everything on their plate is yours and pay up.

ashamedandconfused Thu 07-Jul-11 19:03:46

i would do it

I would be mighty cheesed off about the food issue/picky eating etc, but would do it for PILs and keep a smile on my face regardless of what i thought

I bet you have stuff knocking around that you could ebay or car boot to raise an extra bit of cash

HoneyNorwegianRidgebackdragon Thu 07-Jul-11 19:05:09

Sorry I wasn't ignoring your lack of funds either smile, if you really can't afford it you must say smile

eurochick Thu 07-Jul-11 19:21:14

If you really can't afford it then say so, but otherwise suck it up. Forget about the food that's not being eaten. The point of the meal is to do something nice for your parents in law. I bet the cost of the aternatives to the free childcare they have given you would be a lot more than the cost of half this meal.

ginmakesitallok Thu 07-Jul-11 19:25:29

Sooo you don't want to go out for a meal where your meals will be subsidised just because others don't eat the food that they have paid for?????confused

Weta Thu 07-Jul-11 19:30:07

Setting aside the finance issue (which you have to make a decision on), could you not just split the bill and look at it that you are effectively paying for your family plus half of the PIL bill, and inlaws are paying for their family plus half of PIL bill (even though you said in fact they will be subsidising you a bit anyway). That way it doesn't matter what their kids do or don't eat. I do understand why it irritates you, but I think you just have to find a way of looking at it that is acceptable to you as it really is up to the parents of the kids what rules they apply.

mrsbiscuits Thu 07-Jul-11 19:33:20

Oh god you'd hate my kids then. They eat bits of everything and then decide that they would rather have what I ordered. They are well behaved in restaurants but they certainly don't eat much and to be honest I'd rather have the good behaviour than clean plates anyday!

If your issue is financial then you just have to say so. I can't believe how many threads I read about people who are too proud to tell their own family they don't have the funds for dinners out. We just say so and then either do something cheaper or come to an arrangement about what our budget is.

I think someone has said it already but surely the point of the event is to celebrate your inlaws birthday not worry about how much food is eaten ! ?

cat64 Thu 07-Jul-11 19:41:26

Message withdrawn

DuelingFanjo Thu 07-Jul-11 19:53:49

you've been offered a solution but won't take it so I think you will have to suck it up.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Thu 07-Jul-11 20:23:50

Ask for a doggie bag of the leftovers and have them for lunch next day. grin

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