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i know I am but allow me to self pity and probably be accused of jealousy which

(14 Posts)
Tutti Thu 07-Jul-11 17:26:11

probably i am.
i live abroad and have a nearly 6 yr old ds.
And pretty much I have to always be the one to ring my parents to say hello etc.
now ther was talk of my brother coming to visit and tonight when i rang brother answered and when ds he positively squeeled [he is soo excited at the prospect]
i told db and he was like hmm 'oh right'
he was more interested in telling me about his iphone4.sad
i just feel sad -ds was long awaited and nobody even bothers with him even when we lived in england.
my nephew I remember was adored we all babyst him, bought him stuff was the apple of all our eyes ...and my ds... well he is lucky if they remeber to ring on his bd.
sorry this is soo self indulgent I know.

Tutti Thu 07-Jul-11 17:27:03

meant to say when ds heard it was brother on phone.

hellospoon Thu 07-Jul-11 17:29:28

How comes you live abroad? Maybe they feel abit like you left them?

Yanbu they should make more effort

hellospoon Thu 07-Jul-11 17:29:28

How comes you live abroad? Maybe they feel abit like you left them?

Yanbu they should make more effort

BabyDubsEverywhere Thu 07-Jul-11 17:32:51

If you live abroad may it be that they dont feel much of a connection to your ds?

MovingtoSolihull Thu 07-Jul-11 17:33:26

I can understand why you feel like this. Nobody likes to feel forgotten - especially when its your child that you perceive as being neglected.

And you are allowed a bit of self pity every now and then.

Give your DS a hug from me.

MovingtoSolihull Thu 07-Jul-11 17:35:22

My DN live abroad. I've seen the little one about twice.

I am still able to remember their birthdays and Christmas though.

Tutti Thu 07-Jul-11 17:35:36

dh work.
but they moved awy from us in the uk.
i know its 'normal' they don't really know him so why should they feel an affinity with him ifyswim but it still hurts.. a lot.

TobyLerone Thu 07-Jul-11 17:37:06

Your son was long-awaited by you. Other people have their own lives to get on with.

Tutti Thu 07-Jul-11 17:37:56

movingtosolihull .... wow small world i used to live in solihull before here!!!

Tutti Thu 07-Jul-11 17:39:22

I know tobylerone I know.
I said Iwas being full of self pity.
i am fine really... just wanted a quick moansmile

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Thu 07-Jul-11 17:51:46

You're not being unreasonable, Tutti, your DS is your parents' grandchild and your brother's nephew. I don't know how old he is but even if he isn't really into kids, you make an effort for family kids.

I don't think you'd be doing any harm to let your parents and brother know how isolated you feel in terms of their affection for DS when he's obviously mad keen about them. Very sad. sad

letsblowthistacostand Thu 07-Jul-11 18:01:39

I know how you feel. I recently had a visit from a brother (first in 5 years) and his main comment about DD2 was "wow, she screams a lot." So, yeah. Nice to see you too. You have to let it roll off you and be thankful for friends, other family etc who DO care about your children and you.

mrsbiscuits Thu 07-Jul-11 20:05:30

DH and I have had this conversation a few times. Most of the time we aren't bothered that, with the exception of my mum and sister, the rest of our rellies aren't really that bothered about cultivating any sort of relationship with our kids.

We went to great lengths at trying to encourage it when DS1 was born, which usually meant making all the calls, always visiting and never being visited. As he got older we tried other tactics like buying webcams for people ( they all live in the UK by the way) but they never really made an effort. So we gave up. This means that MIL and BIL have seen DS2 once in his life and FIL ( who only lives a 30 minute drive away) sees them both on Birthdays and Christmas with maybe a couple of visits in between. My dad is great when he is here but he is very much involved with my sisters children as they live close by and is always cancelling on us because we are an hour down the motorway.

Sometimes though it makes us feel a bit sad. I wouldn't call it jealousy just when we see how much some grandparents , aunts and uncles are involved with friends children we just wish our 2 could have that too.

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