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to resent SAHP being seen as scroungers

(47 Posts)
yummy80 Thu 07-Jul-11 14:43:25

I am a SAHP parent. My choice mainly because it suits our family and cost of childcare would outweigh any salary I could earn. (DH works long hours.) I appreciate we are lucky that dh has a good income and therefore do not receive any any tax credits etc.
However, it seems that people assume that if you don't work you are being subsidised by taxpayers.

GypsyMoth Thu 07-Jul-11 14:46:14

Do they?

Well don't listen to them then?!

smileyfacestar Thu 07-Jul-11 14:50:17

Our family is in a similar position although I work a few hours on the weekend because I like the job and hope to progress in this field 'someday' .No tax credits etc because of dh income. I am sometimes asked if I want to increase my hours but this is impossible as the childcare cost would completey erase my earnings. People find it strange that this is my choice and I really would not get help with childcare. I am happy spending time with DC though.

JoandMax Thu 07-Jul-11 14:52:23

I have seen comments like that online but never in RL..... I couldn't care less though, I do what's best for my family!

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 07-Jul-11 15:12:14

YABU... What people are these that assume a SAHP is a scrounger? I happen to know a SAHP that witters on cheerfully about how she's a 'kept woman', spending her DHs money while he's off at work... might privately think she's a bit of a scrounger on a domestic level. Others I just think they're lucky to be able to live on one income.

Rocky12 Thu 07-Jul-11 15:31:45

Think the real issue is the terrible cost of childcare £45 per day we were paying x 22 working days x 2 kids - yikes nearly £2k per month!!! What I do have an issue with is people who choose to stay at home and then moan that their benefits are cut or who have low paid partners and dont do anything about it. We managed to both work full time and afford the child care, the children are now both a private schools (because the intial cost of their school was no different to full time childcare) that is how expensive it was and I dont think £4.50 per hour is particularly excessive. On another thread someone was demanding that the minimum wage be £10 per hour. So £4400 per month would be payable to my childminder!!!

manicinsomniac Thu 07-Jul-11 16:04:50

I think YABU, I don't know anybody who thinks that.

I kind of envy SAHP because
a) it's not an option for me because I'm a single parent
b) I wouldn't be happy spending too much time at home, even with my own kids, which is kind of sad. I'm jealous of those who want to.

Maybe the envy of many single mums or bored workers comes across as snarky and implying that SAHPs are spongers?

I think possibly, in the same way, the envy of many bored SAHP can come across as snary and implying that people who work are heartless and inferior mothers.

I think you get both attitudes and that neither are what people actually think but just a way of expressing frustration that 'the grass is greener'.

UKSky Thu 07-Jul-11 22:03:00

But who are you perceived as "scrounging" from? I have just finished my ML and resigned from my job to SAH. DH financially supports us all, but how could this be seen as scrounging?

If there is a legitimate source I can scrounge from, just so I can keep up my secret chocolate stash?

usualsuspect Thu 07-Jul-11 22:07:19

Just ignore them

Some people have no clue

skybluepearl Thu 07-Jul-11 22:15:46

being a SAHM is seen totally different here in my community. people see the value in it.

lostlady Thu 07-Jul-11 22:16:08

I don't think people do think that. I think it's fine, as long as your family works if they can and makes a contribution then good on you smile

HidinginaHardHat Thu 07-Jul-11 22:20:17

You know what? I really don't go in for analysing any other family's situations and financial arrangements. I have enough of my own worries to contend with. Online life really doesn't help with people's paranoia.

Cocoflower Thu 07-Jul-11 22:52:03

Well I have seen some downright nasty comments on MN about SAHP. Never in real life have I come across negative attitiudes but certainly on MN.

x2boys Fri 08-Jul-11 08:42:12

if you can afford to be stay at home parent on one income then great if you need two incomes to survive like me and dh then you have to work whilst i would love to be a sahm have a four year old and a one year old i,m the main wage earner so just cant afford to do it well said rocky i read a lot of your comments on another thread and am in complete agreement with you .

savoycabbage Fri 08-Jul-11 08:46:53

I don't think people do think that do they? Like x2boys I think that some people choose to stay at home because they want to and can afford to, some people can afford to and don't want to. Some people want to and can't afford it.

So YABU. I don't think most people do think that.

TillyIpswitch Fri 08-Jul-11 08:50:31

I'm a SAHM and have never encountered that attitude...! Seriously - ever.

So I'm afraid to say, YABU.

Cocoflower Fri 08-Jul-11 08:53:45

Do people need read threads on MN? confused

I once had someone tell me on here children of SAHM are more likely to be failures!

shmoz Fri 08-Jul-11 08:55:39

I'm a SAHM and I'm on benefits.

Made redundant while on ML, will probably look for a part time job when DS turns 1.

If anyone wants to call me a scrounger that's up to them, couldn't give a monkeys - especially as I've paid (a considerable amount of) tax into the welfare system over the last 20 odd years before having DS.

fernier Fri 08-Jul-11 08:57:42

I am a sahm and no one has ever accused me of this (at least not that I am aware of!).

DuelingFanjo Fri 08-Jul-11 08:58:01

I don't think people do, do they?

Cocoflower Fri 08-Jul-11 09:02:01

Despite having worked FT then moving onto working part-time running my own small bussiness from home and being a SAHM the other half my DH (now ex) friend told me he had no respect for me and I needed to do more.

Admitedly no-one else in RL seems to an issue at all but it was still such a horrible thing to think someone thinks your worthless because you dont do full-time hours for an employer.

Scholes34 Fri 08-Jul-11 09:04:01

I think it's quite the opposite. You're lucky you're able to live on one salary.

Kalinda Fri 08-Jul-11 09:15:10

Everyone has a different story to tell, people are SAHPs for a plethora of reasons, some by choice, some by force of circumstance. Personally, it's never been intimated to me that I'm living off the state, but my personal circumstances would bely that assumption, so perhaps that's why. I can imagine some people have encountered this sort of prejudice. Have you, OP?

I have a greater problem with the assumption that I am kept by my poor, put upon DH, as opposed to our arrangement being by mutual agreement and mutually beneficial - an attitude I have seen a lot of on MN. We both had the same career, I was actually slightly more senior and better paid than he. It was my personal fortune that paid most of the mortgage, and it is that which allows me not to work and for him to devote himself to his much loved career. If we were both working, there's no way he could put in the hours he does and climb the career ladder because I would expect him to take on 50% of the childcare responsibilities. My being at home allows him to have the career he wants just as much as his working allows me to be at home with the DCs.

extremepie Fri 08-Jul-11 09:28:55

I've not really encountered any negative attitudes towards SAHM's personally but a LOT of negative attitudes towards SAHF! My DH stays at home with our 2 boys (one of whom is autistic), and I know it is not an easy job at all.

I work part-time and go to college, so many times we have had to defend our choice for me to work and DH to stay at home, some people seem to have such a problem with the fact that a MAN is, shock horror, staying at home to raise his children. It seems that if you are a SAHM, that is perfectly acceptable and is not questioned (as much), especially when the kids are still really young and not in school, but if you are a Dad and are not out at work some people seem to think that makes you less of a man, like you're not providing for your family or something?

Is staying at home and looking after your children is not valuable? Why should I give up studying and working if he is happy to stay at home? Doesn't make sense to me! DH staying at home makes a lot more sense for our family, for several reasons, but some just don't seem to get this and I get really fed up of constantly trying to justify ourselves!

utah Fri 08-Jul-11 09:38:06

I am a sahm mum and I am not a scrounger, we have not been lucky as before having children we worked hard day and night and moved up the property ladder and paid off the morgage before having children. tbh I do not have much negativity except the odd lucky comment and how do we manage to treat the children so well.

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