To be a bit afraid of my neighbour?(18 Posts)
The other day she put a note through our door saying she had seen my husband and my babies and wanted me to phone her (I have never spoken to her before). I was unsure whether it was a bit creepy or quite nice that she wanted to offer her help with our twins.
My DH thought it was rather odd, but I felt I should knock on her door and say hello, thanks for the offer, I'll let you know if I should ever need you and no I won't be asking you to babysit while I have a bath?!? (she suggested this even though we'd spoken for less than 5 minutes!)
During the conversation I managed to say that I hadn't actually left the babies at all yet ( not quite ready after they were in SCBU) and hoped that would be the end of it - just maybe a hello in the street.But now I've had another note asking if she can come round this week I know I am being a total wuss, but I just don't know how to handle this and how to tell her that I don't need her to be some kind of surrogate grandparent ( my parents live abroad), just a friendly face in the neighbourhood is enough.
I have actually avoided going out today so far incase she wants to talk to me - help.
Ps you may have guessed I'm not good at confrontations or saying no!!
God don't avoid going out! A smile and a brusque "No thanks I am up to my ears!" and on with your business should work....if she keeps putting notes in then put one through hers saying "Please dont put notes through my door anymore...your offers were kind but I am very busy nd have enough help"
Dont be scared!
You know what, a neighbour of ours had twins last year and although I don't know them I considered offering my help. Quite glad I didn't now!!!
Just be direct and say you are grateful for the offer but are coping fine, so you don't need any help. Let her fuss over the babies when you pop over to speak to her - babies are amazing and I think most people find twins very special. You will probably make her week.
I think she sounds quite sweet , the offer of looking after them well you have a bath in peace (once you get to actually know her) may well sound a lovely thing in a few weeks/months .
Is she odd in other ways or is she just being friendly ?
Neighbour offers to help doesn't really sound that bad to me .
I suspect the OP is using her instinct here....and why on earth would she leave her newborns in the hands of a total stranger!?
I don't think anyone was suggesting that the OP should do that HelloKlitty - just that it wasn't scary that the lady had offered to help!
Thanks for such speedy replies
It's not that I am against help our neighbors who are nearest are lovely and one actually had twins and offered to babysit too and I didn't find this creepy - I suppose because we've got to know them over time. I think that it's because she's a bit full on and direct which makes me feel uncomfortable. It is really nice of her but it's good to know IANBU to want to get to know her first! I think i would also would prefer to be with other young mums if/ when I get some time to socialize
At a guess I'd say she's in her late 50's/ early 60's won't say if that's elderly or young - don't want to offend (!), but I'm 35 so bit of an age difference.
Erm just ask her round for a cup of tea, she is just trying to be friendly and helpful. If she is a nutter you'll find out when she comes round. When I had DC2 someone I hardly knew from same toddler group put a note through my door offering help/tea - I met her for a coffee and she is now a lovely friend. It never crossed my mind to say no tbh. Maybe she struggled with her own so is trying to help other people with new babies? This is the kind of thing my Mum would, do I hope nobody thinks this sort of thing about her
From what you have said YABU because she sounds perfectly nice and friendly and wanting to help and assuming you must have your hands full with twins. However if your instinct from having met and spoken to her makes you think she is odd then I would avoid her. You did seem like you had made up your mind before you had even spoken to her though so I would ask yourself how much of your concern is based on your actual time with her, or are you projecting a bit?
It's young, of course. But not very young, which I am. OP is extremely young on this scale. She could be trying to show you she is genuinely offering help, not just being polite, and realises you need time for yourself, not just for housework etc
Makes me wonder if there is an unweird way to offer a neighbourly hand to a mum with new twins .
Don't do it if your instincts say not but this may turn out to be an invaluable offer in the long run.
I think it's a great shame people are so suspicious and cynical of people being neighbourly and thoughtful and kind today
I think do try not to be nervous of this neighbour, and I agree in this day and age we are more wary of people, but she might just be geniune, why not have her in for a coffee as has been suggested then you can suss her out and let your instincts tell you where to go from there, you never know till you try , and she seems to be offering the olive branch here , albeit geniuine or not remains to be seen. Take care let us know how you get on, remember though your life changes dramatically when you have kids and everyone talks to you , when there is a baby not to mention 2 babies around, people like babies!.A good neighbour is a wonderful thing and you may never know when you might need to call on her for help.
Can't believe how unfriendly you sound - it seems as though she is being very kind and neighbourly - why don't you just invite her round for a cup of tea and to meet your twins. You may get to like her (I am in my mid 50s and have lots of younger - and older - friends). No wonder the community spirit is so lacking these days if you are thinking she is being a nutter by just offering to help you. There may come a time (in an emergency?) when you are desperate for help and having neighbours to rely on can be very useful. .
I am grateful for all your responses - on balance I think she is lonely and while I won't be asking her to look after the babies anytime soon - I'll make sure I chat to her when I see her leading up to an invitation for a coffee which is how we've made friends with our other neighbours.
aaw. nice. My Mum is same age as your neighbour and i know she would try the same approach if she was a little more confident, she loves babies and sadly we and ours live miles away. I'm pleased you have struck on a balanced idea for including this lady amongst your other friendly neighbours after all the somewhat polarised opinions on here!
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