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Constant References to Sex

(52 Posts)
CrossEyes Wed 06-Jul-11 19:19:31

I just want to know if this is NORMAL male behaviour. I'll give a few scenarios.

1. We're sat on a pub bench, looking out onto the river at a rescue team searching for a body (romantic eh!). We each have a lager in hand and it's only 12pm lunch time. I say something about how I'd always wanted to work for the police and DP looks at my chest, does a cheesy eye-brow raise and makes "umm!" noises. I ignore him and ask if him if he'd ever fancied police as a career - he says "no. Ummm I like it when you wear low cut tops! I can see your boobies". hmm I continue to ignore so he starts making references to how we should go home and get the massage oil out. I just want to chill in the sun like everyone else.

2. He texts me from work saying he's having a crap day. I text back saying "poor you x" and he texts back saying "I need you naked in bed next to me".

3. We once had sex in a forest. Yesterday we're trying to think of somewhere to go and he does the eyebrow raise and says "D* Forest??" I suggest other places and he reacts by saying "I want to take you into those woods again, like last time" etc etc. FFS I want suggests on how to spend our day off.

Its CONSTANT. ALL the time. YES I have spoken to him about it, he says I'm being a nun or I'm "in a mood". He doesn't realise that the constant references to my body/sex makes me NOT want to have sex. At worst - it makes me wonder if that's all he wants me for!!!

So is it normal for men to bring sex into even the most innocent of conversations and to go on and on about it as if they have nothing else to talk about?

DooinMeCleanin Wed 06-Jul-11 19:21:30

It's normal for my Dh, but he is a twat. It is not normal in a respectfull relationship.

justpaddling Wed 06-Jul-11 19:22:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GypsyMoth Wed 06-Jul-11 19:24:44

god,thats horrible!! its not normal,no,no,no!!

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Wed 06-Jul-11 19:25:05

It's normal for some men. It's bloody childish. I hate that type of person. Everything's brought down to sex. And they have a habit of groping you in front of people hmm

Is he only interested in you for sex? Does he not enjoy your company? Discussing things? Doing stuff together?

Buy him a blow up doll and go find yourself a well rounded man who appreciates the whole you!

2cats2many Wed 06-Jul-11 19:26:43

i wish my husband had more lecherous old man moments. They are very few and far between in our house.

CrossEyes Wed 06-Jul-11 19:26:48

It IS disrespectful isn't it? Laid out on the trampoline yesterday sunbathing, he comes up and lays next to me. I think "how nice" until his hands start roaming up my top and over my boobs. We're in the back garden FFS, 2 sets of neighbours would CLEARLY see us if they happened to look out of their window. I told him to pack it in. He accuses me of being a nun again and says he can't help it if I'm "gorgeous" but I don't feel "gorgeous" when I'm treated like a toy/doll.

lachesis Wed 06-Jul-11 19:26:57

It's normal for immature twats in grown male bodies, I suppose.

HuntForGalaxyHazelnut Wed 06-Jul-11 19:27:27

Agree with the others, he sounds like a twat.

Plus, what kind of man calls them "boobies"?! That alone is a dumping offense!

Omigawd Wed 06-Jul-11 19:27:29

If that's how it's starting, I'd leave now.....

lachesis Wed 06-Jul-11 19:27:43

That's not lecherous. That's infantile and disrespectful.

RedGreenBlue Wed 06-Jul-11 19:29:27

No, it's not normal. And half the time he probably doesn't actually want sex, it's just stupidness. Just tell him straight.

BertieBotts Wed 06-Jul-11 19:29:28

What Dooin said, though replace DH with XP!

To be fair DP (different guy obv) does make comments like "Yay boobies!" if I walk into a room topless etc but it's a minority rather than a majority conversation topic, usually a fleeting remark, and he wouldn't try to steer a serious conversation into a sex one unless he was REALLY horny and in one of his hyper moods. And if I said I wasn't in the mood or that I didn't want him to make silly comments he'd just stop, he wouldn't resort to name calling. Actually sometimes when I get into bed and he cuddles up to me he says something like "Hehe, side boob!" and then immediately "Sorry blush" which I always laugh and say I don't mind, and I don't, because it's not all the time.

cumbria81 Wed 06-Jul-11 19:29:30

Oh god, I used to date a bloke like this. It used to wind me up no end.

GeneralissimoVonBobbington Wed 06-Jul-11 19:30:11

Sigh. I try to take it as a compliment, but DH seems incapable of having a conversation with me without absent mindedly kneading my boobs. And who'd have thought that I hadn't made myself clear by buying a kingsize bed I wouldn't want to be pawed every morning in bed - especially at 6.30 am at the weekend!! (Disclaimer, no kids)

lubberlich Wed 06-Jul-11 19:31:02

FFS ditch him. He sounds like the office perv.

lachesis Wed 06-Jul-11 19:32:08

If I were married to a bloke like this (which wouldn't have happened because I dumped rejects like this), I would divorce him before I ever had kids with him.

Someone who gropes me and treats me like a fuck toy is a total turn off.

CrossEyes Wed 06-Jul-11 19:32:37

See if I walked into a room top-half naked I would expect a "boobs!" remark - I'm not completely frigid but it's all the time. And if he tries it on and I dont want to he'll keep on and on like a kid wanting an icecream. He's even said to me "you don't have to do anything, just lie there and let me lick you" etc. It's so disgusting I feel like I'm just a toy to him. He goes on and on and on.

BertieBotts Wed 06-Jul-11 19:36:34

Ugh, I hate the word "frigid". I actually find it quite offensive. Please don't use it about yourself, even in a "not completely" way. smile

Have you been together long? Do you have DC, etc? (FWIW I'd say ditch him even if you have been married 50 years and have 25 children. It's SO NICE to be able to sleep in a bed without being groped)

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Wed 06-Jul-11 19:40:09

He sounds like the type who seems to think that he owns your body. Has rights to it. Can have it when he wants, can paw at it when he wants. You don't actually have the right to say no, because it's his. I have known men like that. A woman isn't a person to them. A woman is just a means to an end away.

HuntForGalaxyHazelnut Wed 06-Jul-11 19:43:15

He's even said to me "you don't have to do anything, just lie there and let me lick you"

So he doesn't even care if you want to have sex, you just have to lie there and let him do what he wants? Red flags all over this one, sorry.

CrossEyes Wed 06-Jul-11 19:44:04

he makes me feel guilty if we don't have sex. I feel like I'm obliged to do it because he goes on and on and makes such a massive deal out of it all the time. Last weekend I really went overboard with the wine. Didn't realise I was drunk until I stood up so it wasn't done on purpose. I don't actually remember going upstairs but I do remember being in bed and him being all over me. I was DRUNK ffs, it was OBVIOUS. Why would you even attempt to shag a heavily drunk person? anyway I remember telling him over and over again "no, going to sleep" etc and eventually (and I mean eventually!) he got off me and said "You give me mixed messages all the time, it isn't fair". How the fuck is that mixed messages??? and then the next morning he was still going on about how I shouldn't give mixed messages and would I like a paracetamol for my headache before we "do anything" ffs

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Wed 06-Jul-11 19:46:59

ok. so you're a piece of meat to him.

What are you going to do? Stay? go? tell him to change or you're gone? lie back and think of england?

You are not being unreasonable to feel the way you feel. The question is - what now?

throckenholt Wed 06-Jul-11 19:48:53

doesn't sound like he appreciates you as a person. Sounds like he is pressuring you a lot more than you like. It isn't likely to improve.

If you can stand that long term (probably not judging by the tone of irritation in your posts) then fine, otherwise I think he needs to be an xdp and find someone who appreciates all of you not just selected bits.

CrossEyes Wed 06-Jul-11 19:49:25

Well I don't want to put up with it anymore. I have zero sex drive and I think this is why, because it's become a chore that I feel I have to just get on with rather than something I want to do. He makes me feel like it's all me, my fault, I'm being unreasonable, he's just being appreciative of my body but I just needed you to tell me the truth. Thank god I was right.

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